Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Ok, I just saw the comments on my post before the first birthday post. Honestly, I don't even remember writing it! It was that bad. Wow. Thanks for all the comments!

We cannot afford a night nurse. I'd rather pay for a housekeeper anyway! :) Oh, and we also don't pay for daycare. Hubby goes in a couple hours late to work, that is much cheaper than paying for daycare. However, it has been a huge strain. We have found a cheaper nanny agency and will be hiring a nanny next school year. Psychiatrist seemed to think my reaction was a normal reaction to babies screaming and getting no sleep. He is probably right! I've been much better since doing CIO and getting sleep.

First Birthday!

The girls are 1 today. Wow! It went by so fast. The early days were really tough, and they seemed to go by slow, but then they also went by fast. I'm still amazed that my body created and carried two perfect humans. The girls are doing so well. Maya has taken some steps! Sofia is standing on her own for a bit. They are also starting to sign! Both can do the "all done" sign, and Maya today signed "more" after I signed it. They are at a really fun age right now. They like to try to copy things I do, they are getting a sense of humor, eating table foods- it's amazing!

On the sleep front, things are getting better. I haven't been posting much because I had been so tired and busy. Maya was waking every night wanting me, and about 2 weeks ago, Sofia started waking as well. I had a week or so of very little sleep. It was awful. It got to a point where one night I had gotten about 2 hours of sleep and had to call in sick the next day because I was so exhausted. I decided to once again try CIO. I hate doing it, but I NEEDED sleep. The first night was actually fairly easy, second night, not easy at all. It kills me to hear them cry. However, after about 3-4 nights, I am happy to report that for two nights in a row, Maya has NOT woken at all! Sofia still has, buy she quickly goes back to sleep. They are also sleeping later in the morning. And taking better naps. I think they needed sleep almost as much as I did! So while I hate CIO, I think it really was the best solution for us.

The birthday party went well! It was pretty stressful- we had a lot of people and a lot of babies! I invited two other twin families, so we had 6 1 yr olds (or almost 1), an 8 month old, 2 two year olds, and 4 older kids. Plus all the parents! It was crazy but fun. Here are some photos:
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The girls in their birthday tutus
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Waiting for cake
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Pinata
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Beautiful tutus made by my friend
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Wednesday, March 04, 2009

I haven't been keeping up with my blog because I've been so busy. I'm at a point now where it's all getting to me. Some nights are good, others I don't get any sleep. Like last night. I only got 2 hours at a time. Both girls were up on and off throughout the night. So of course I was extremely tired today. I went to a play date, pretty late, and I was hoping it would tire the girls out. I got them to bed at 7:30 and they went down easy. Only to wake again at 11. Both woke and were screaming. Then I start freaking out because I'm exhausted, and can't soothe both at once. I was able to get them both into their chairs and get them bottles, which helped, but by this point we were all crying.

I called hubby in the middle of this, but he wasn't any help. He's in a tough spot because he can't leave work really, but I also can't do this by myself sometimes. But I do think he blows it off more than he should. Now I'm crying again- he does a LOT, more than his share, but lately I just...can't. It's like I've given all I can give and I have nothing left for keeping up w/ housework.

I'm going to blame some of this on my psychiatrist. I'm now up to 50 mg on Paxil and obviously, it isn't working. I need to get on a different medication I think. But it's weird because I'll be fine on it and then something will happen, or maybe a series of things happen, and I just can't deal with it. And I'm blaming him because he doesn't do any therapy. It's all about the drugs- that's the only focus. Which now having gone through this, I don't think is effective.
Fuck!

Nat, over on "Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies" got AF. SO UNFAIR. It really pisses me off. She is such a great person, and so deserving, and life keeps handing her shit. It's crap like this that confirms in me that all those organized religions are wrong. There is not some omnipresent being sitting up there controlling things. I do believe in energy and the power of thought, but dammit! It didn't work this time- when it should have!!