CNN story

I was just watching CNN- I watch it pretty much all day long since there is nothing else on- and they had a brief story on how more and more babies are being born early and with low birth weights. They showed a woman with twins who were born at around 28 weeks and one did not survive. I didn't think it was that fair to show twins, when twins are a special case since so many things can go wrong. But they didn't say this was specific to twins. They did say that Maryland has one of the highest rates and is one of the richest states. They then went on to say that more prenatal care is needed. Well, they somewhat contradicted themselves. In states that have a "wealthier" population, prenatal care is better. So, while I'm sure that is part of the problem, I don't think it explains all the high numbers.

What I do think is also contributing to this is that women are not putting on enough weight. We are shown pictures of celebrities who look like they have not gained ANY weight at all. Any celebrity who did gain a decent amount of weight we either don't see ot they talk about how much weight they've put on. I've seen tons of pictures of Angelina Jolie who was pregnant with twins, and she was so skinny. They know for twins that the amount of weight the mom puts on does correlate to birth weight. I'm sure that can translate to singletons as well. I've also seen reports on message boards about doctors who pretty much make the girl feel awful for gaining weight.There were a couple cases where the girls were perhaps a little overweight, but not much, and the doctors only wanted them gaining a certain amount, like 10 or 15 pounds. Then when they went over they were chastised. That is not ok. I am a believer that if you eat healthy, and enough calories, your body will put on the weight it NEEDS. If you need to gain 50, 60 lbs, so be it. As long as the baby is healthy. Now, if you are eating a bunch of junk and putting on a lot of weight, that's not ok. The baby does need nutrients. But I just think we are becoming too conditioned as a society to be super thin, and it is harming everyone.

I have a few sleep books, and I have been reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. A lot of twin moms recommended it, so I got it. At first, I really liked it! The first few chapters were really good. I figured out that Sofia was fussy around 5 pm because she was overtired. So once I got that figured out, things became easier. And the part about 0-4 months was great. Last night I started reading about months 5-12, and I'm not sure I agree with it. One part talks about putting the child down for a nap, and if they cry let them cry- but never for more than 1 hour. One HOUR?!? I really don't think I could do that. Not at 5 months anyway! Probably not until 2 years, and even then I don't think I would let my child cry that long. I will say that the author does give other methods, but this is one of them. Then, at the end of the chapter he tries to rationalize this and gives all sorts of expert opinions. I still did learn a lot from this book, I just happen to disagree with the author that you need to let a baby cry for that long. I'm going to revisit the book, The No Cry Sleep Solution and see what they have to say.

It's not like I need that much help with sleep right now. I'm lucky my girls are pretty good sleepers. They do sleep at night. Yes, sometimes Maya grunts and flails around, and this wakes me up. But that is because she is in the co-sleeper next to me. I don't think I would wake if she were in her crib. Hubby still has to wake them at 2 or so in the morning to feed them. We still wake them because they aren't eating enough total ounces during the day.

Politics/Current Events

Time out now for a quick politics and current event rant.

I was watching Good Morning America today and they had the guy from Texas on who shot and killed two burglars who were breaking into his neighbors house. They played the 911 tape, and it really sounded like he wanted to go out there and be a vigilante. They talked to the guy, and of course he is now trying to come off like a nice guy. He said he was scared, that's why he sounded like that. Yeah, I don't think so. Also, the autopsy report said that the 2 men were shot in the back. The man said, "That's not totally true." Umm, what?!? He said one of the men rushed him and then turned at last minute and was shot in the side. I don't think so.And in the 911 tape he said "don't move a muscle or I'll shoot" Doesn't sound like something someone would say if he was being rushed. And the guys weren't even armed.
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Also on Good Morning America, they had John McCain. I am no fan of McCain. He was in Colombia because yes, visiting there and Mexico is oh so important right now when we have economic troubles here. Before they could even ask him why he was there, he started his little spiel on why he was there. He said he was there because there are still drugs coming into America. So please tell me, what is meeting with the leaders of these countries going to do? He went on to say that the price of cocaine has gone up- which is good because less people will buy it. Um, ok, but only wealthy people who can afford it do coke. Many drug addicts do crack and METH- which is made right here in the good 'ole States!

The reporter than asked him about the Free Trade agreement and how people are worried about losing more jobs. So instead of answering the question he went on to talk about how we need to solve the energy problem, and off shore drilling, etc. Nice.

I just really can't stand him, and honestly, he is starting to scare me almost as much as Bush!

Ok, back to our regularly scheduled programming :)

Maya has started to belly laugh! It is so cute. She's also a little stinker though. When I pick her up to soothe her to go to sleep, I think she knows and she will start smiling and laughing at me so I forget about her sleeping and want to play with her!

Sofia is also doing well- smiling and cooing! I can't believe they are almost 4 months. It sure does go by fast!

I joined the twins group in my area, and that has been great. We also have a playgroup for twins born in 2008. There are a couple that are 3 months and the rest are 5+ months. But it is nice to get out and talk to other twin moms.

I spoke to my boss and she is fine with me having to leave by 3:30 every day. But, my job is changing a little. Instead of being stationed at 1 middle school, I will work with 2 other people and we will do professional development at all the middle schools we work with. So my hours really depend on where we are doing the professional development. And I would imagine when we are just planning the hours are pretty flexible. Most likely I will usually work 8-3 but I could do 7:30-2:30. So I'm happy about that.

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Well, I just saw a comment on my last post. So I'm guessing that a family member HAS found me. Now I'm just wondering why they were searching anyway? And what search terms they used? Well, I may just continue to write whatever. Now everyone knows that this is my "private" blog- not really private, but wanted to be hidden from friends/family, so if they read something they don't like, too bad. They don't have to read it, right? Not that I've been posting anything too personal lately anyway. I'm mostly focused on the girls!

Well, crap. Now I'm paranoid that friends/family have found this. Oh well I guess. That will probably make me think twice before I write about things I am really feeling. Damn.

My foot!

Since last week, my foot has been hurting. It started when Hubby went to rub my foot and it hurt, on the top of my foot by the second toe. I thought it was weird because I couldn't remember doing anything to it. Well, it got worse and I started limping. So I called the doctor, went in for an x-ray and went today to the podiatrist. I have a stress fracture! It's from added weight and wearing flip flops. Great. So now I have to wear this "shoe" that looks like a weird sandal. I get to wear it for a month. Oh, and I can't do the elliptical now. He said I could probably do stationary bike, but I'm nervous to even do that. I don't want to make it worse! I also wanted to go to the mall and do some shopping, but not anymore!

I realized that some people may be interested in seeing how I feed the girls. I know other twin mommies to be always ask how to feed them. First, is a picture of all the bottles for the day. Actually, I had already done 1 feeding, so it's almost all the bottles for a day:


And here is how I feed the girls. I sit in the middle and hold their bottles:


Here is a rare photo of me with Sofia. I just loved her sleeping face in this one. Oh and excuse me, I look horrible!


This one is just too cute of Maya:


And, the photo I gave to hubby for Father's Day:

The Girls' Personalities

Maya
Maya is my little wiggle worm sweetie. She is very easy going and hardly cries. When she does cry, it is a very sad cry. She also pouts while crying, and it is very cute. Many times, even though she is crying, she will also smile! She will be crying and I will look at her and all of a sudden she will start smiling. She loves to smile, and it just melts my heart! Maya also likes to kick her legs and move her arms around. I swear once she starts crawling she will always be on the go!

Sofia
Sofia is mommy's cuddle bug. She is very needy and much more difficult. She cries a lot more than Maya and loves to be near me! She is not squirmy at all, and in a way, more chill than Maya- except when she gets mad! When I wake her up in the morning, she doesn't really wake up and just lays on my chest and cuddles. She is also a good sleeper. When I can finally get her to sleep, she sleeps very soundly.

They are both so different, and I love it!
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I took the girls to get 2 more shots today. We are spacing them out, following the vaccine schedule that is in the book, The Vaccine Book. At first, I thought Sofia was not going to cry because she didn't start crying until after the shots! She didn't cry too much, until I put her back in her car seat to get Maya. Then she started screaming! Poor baby! The nurse was great and held Sofia while I held Maya- who started crying right away.
They were weighed too:
Maya: 9 lbs 11 oz.
Sofia: 11 lbs. 14 oz.

They are getting big! I just bought some size 2 diapers for Sofia today. They are growing up so quickly.

Today I noticed that people are either very nice and thoughtful, or just plain rude!

I decided to take the girls out to Border's and to Old Navy. I was a little nervous since I had never been shopping with them! It went pretty well, but I was noticing people's behaviors. I use the double Snap N Go, so my stroller is very long- like a limo. It is difficult to open a door and push it through. So when I was going in Border's, a very nice lady held the door for me. I really appreciated that! Coming out of the store, another lady went to hold the door for me and two older men cut right in front of me. One went through and then the other stopped because other people were coming in. Finally, they went through and he looked at me, I was getting ready to go, and he went right in front. Of course by this time the very nice lady who was originally holding the door for me just went in. I just couldn't believe how unthoughtful some people are. However, there were more thoughtful people than unthoughtful, so that's a good thing!

It's a good thing I went out because both M and S were very fussy. As soon as we got in the car, they fell asleep though. And they pretty much stayed asleep the whole time. S fussed a little, but a paci fixed that! It is a pain to get in and out of the car, but it was so nice to get out and I think the girls are at a point where they enjoy getting out as well. I think they are getting bored at home looking at the same things. For awhile they were awake at the bookstore and they were just looking around at all the books. They definitely liked the change of scenery. So I think we are going to go out more often!

Just when you think you have everything down and the girls are being really good and sleeping well, and you think to yourself, "Oh this is getting easier!" It all goes downhill!

The past few days have been really good. Sofia had been sleeping well, Maya not sleeping as much but she wasn't fussy either. Last night I didn't get to bed until 11. Hubby took the day off so I could go to my twins group so he stayed up with them and did the 2 am feeding. At 3 am he brought them in so he could go to sleep, but Sofia was not asleep! I had to soothe her, which didn't take long thankfully. About an hour later, Maya started flailing and grunting. That kept me up. I finally put her next to me in bed and got maybe another hour or so of sleep. So today I've been super tired and the girls have not been sleeping! They took maybe 1 hour in the morning, 30 min. while I vacuumed, and Sofia got another 30 min. in the afternoon. So no nap for me! Maya is now asleep, but I've been trying to get Sof to sleep for 1 1/2 hours now. My advice to new twin moms: don't get too comfortable when they start napping well because it can all change in an instant! Maybe tomorrow they will nap better.

On a positive note, Sofia was trying to laugh today and it was really cute! The first time she tried, it sounded funny. Then I laughed back at her and she laughed again and it sounded more like a real laugh. We did this for a little while.

Tomorrow is a new day and I WILL get out this week.

Working Out

I've been to the gym twice this week! I like going more now than before the twins, I think because now I see it as "me" time and a chance to get away. I've also been doing the exercises for the diastasis. I can tell it's getting smaller. I'm probably the only one who can tell, but it is getting smaller.



Sleep

I ordered 2 books and they arrived today. They are:
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
The No-Cry Sleep Solution

I'll let you know how they are! I figure pretty soon we can get on more of a schedule. The other night I did let Sofia sleep through the night (STTN). I wanted to see if she could do it. She did! However, she was pretty restless. So last night I had hubby get her up to feed. I think in a couple weeks we will try again. Plus that day she ate great. But for the past 2 days she hasn't been eating that great, and I want to make sure she gets enough.

Thanks for letting me know about the links being posted! I would prefer for the link NOT to be posted in a public post on that board. I don't mind if you want to send someone here privately. Only because my friends and family do not know about my blog and I would prefer for it to stay that way. I don't care about others reading it at all, or if you want to send people here, but if you could do it privately that would be nice. Although I know I can't stop people from posting links. But thanks for letting me know!


We got out of the house last night! We went to a friend's house for a BBQ and it was fun. The girls were good. And you know, they really are good babies. They just have a little fussy period in the evening, but they really are good and pretty easy. I'm super tired today and I'm not sure why! I mean, besides the fact I'm taking care of twins, ha! I got sleep last night, so I was surprised I was so tired when I woke up.

Here are the photos I promised!

Both of the girls, holding hands:


Sofia:




Maya:

Mrs.Piggy-
I had an u/s done at 34 weeks, and it said both girls weighed the same- 4 lbs. 8 oz. I didn't have another growth scan before delivery. Sofia was 6 lbs. 1 oz. at birth and Maya was 4 lbs. 8 oz. What *I* think happened, but of course I have no proof, is that for some reason Maya stopped growing at 34 weeks. That may not be the case though because her umbilical cord was a LOT smaller than Sofia's. So either the u/s was off, or she stopped growing.

I've been doing pretty well. Today the girls wouldn't sleep though! I finally got Sofia down around 7:00 pm. Maya was still up until almost 9:00 though! I'm exhausted too because Maya was grunting and moving her feet all around last night. The only way to get her to stop is to have her sleep next to me, with her head on my arm. And whenever we sleep like that, I am so nervous that I don't sleep well. I wouldn't mind the grunting so much, but she wakes up Sofia. I think I will have to move them to their cribs soon and will probably have to split them up if Maya continues to grunt.

I am going to put some new pictures up soon. I finally got some of the girls smiling!

I've been tagged!

4 Things I Did 10 Years Ago (1998)
1. I was still in college working on my Liberal Studies degree so I could become an elementary school teacher. Yes, it took me YEARS to do this since I changed my major and was paying my own way.

2. Moved to a cute little apartment in my favorite part of town. I was really sad when I moved out- even though the place was too small for 2 people!

3. Spent my free time going to clubs/raves

4. Learned how to DJ (with records)


4 Things I Did 5 Years Ago (2003)
1. Started teaching middle school- which I thought I'd never do!

2. Living w/ my now hubby, and was 1 year before we got engaged

3.

4.


4 Things I Did Yesterday

1. Bathed Maya and Sofia
2. Cleaned the bathrooms
3. Watched Grey's Anatomy
4. Played WoW for a bit while the girls actually napped!


4 Shows I Love to Watch

1. Lost
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Top Chef
4. House

4 Things That Make Me Really Happy
1. Maya and Sofia- especially when they smile at me
2. Hubby (most of the time, haha)
3. Coffee
4. Getting Sleep

4 Friends to Tag


1. Fertilize Me
2. Over My Head

Only tagged 2 because 1 person was already tagged, and the babies are crying!

2 Month Visit

The girls had their 2 month pediatrician visit today. They are growing well! Maya is 7 lbs 14 oz., 20 inches long and her head is 14 1/2 inches. Sofia is 10 lbs 2 oz., 21 inches long, and her head is 15 inches. They got some shots. I'm spreading out their shots so they only got 2 shots plus the oral rotavirus. We'll go back in 1 month to ge the other 2 shots. I was so sad when they got their shots! They cried, of course. Maya screamed a bit louder than Sofia did- poor babies!

It's amazing the amount of attention you get when you go out. Hubby and I went to Target this weekend and everyone was looking at them. Luckily, we did not get any crazy comments. Most people just looked or said, "Look! Twins!" And again when I went to the doctor's office- lots of looks. I know people don't see twins all the time, but I was thinking about it at the doctor's office. You have 1 baby, nobody even looks your way. You have 1 baby and an older child, same thing. But twins- everyone is looking! It's weird. So far I don't mind everyone looking, but it's just different.

The Paxil has really been doing wonders! I'm doing so much better. The first day I took it I felt better, but figured it was the placebo effect. It may have been, but it has definitely started working. I don't get as stressed out when the girls start crying. I can actually handle it now. And I'm feeling like I can enjoy them more now.

I went to a Moms of Twins Club meeting last night. It was pretty fun. I met two other women who have twins around the same age of my girls. They were amazed that my husband and I are doing this all on our own. But honestly, Im glad we don't have that much help. While it would be nice, I am now used to taking care of the girls and I know I can do it on my own. It would be hard to have really great help for a month or so and then none. Of course, if we could afford a nanny, I would probably take advantage of that at least on a part time basis! But we are managing just fine.

I did feel like everyone was staring at my belly though, and I thought that everyone was thinking I was pregnant. Who knows if that's what they were really thinking, but I am just very self conscious about belly. I'd much rather just have flab! I need to go buy some of those flowy empire tops so it can cover it better.


Hubby took the day off yesterday so I could go to the meeting. He was with the girls during their fussy time- first time he's been alone with them during their fussy time. Now, I was only gone for about 3 hours. I called him when I was on my way home and he didn't sound too good! He couldn't believe how hard they were, and even said that he has it easy at night when he does the middle of the night feeding. I am glad he got to see what it is really like! I think now he understands more about why I can't get cleaning or anything else done. He understood before, but now he has a better appreciation I think.

I talked to Dr. O today and I am getting my paxil tomorrow! I am so glad. I will finally be able to fee normal again!

I honestly didn't want to be on anti-depressants again, but it's gotten pretty bad, and I know when I need them, and I need them.


I also took the girls out twice today! I took them for a walk this afternoon. Sofia was crying and I knew they wouldn't go to sleep inside, so we went on a walk and they slept and I got exercise. Then, my friend called and reminded me our old professor's retirement party was today and so I decided to go. It was the first time I really took them ot somewhere besides outdoors. I was nervous, but we survived! I did get the pregnant comment though. Ugh. So I tried to explain the diastasis and got a blank stare. Next I will just say, "No, I'm not" and leave it at that.


I did order that book that was suggested about diastasis. I actually saw it posted on a message board and ordered it right away. I can't wait to read it!

I haven't felt much like writing. I haven't felt much like doing anything actually. The B6 is not working. I think the girls are going through a growth spurt and they are driving me crazy! Yesterday was really bad. For some reason they decided to be fussy all morning. They have never been fussy in the morning before. I usually get a few hours to myself which I spend on the computer, making bottles, and doing some cleaning. Couldn't do anything yesterday. It really got to me and I had melt down. Hubby stayed home from work because it was so bad. I hate feeling like this! I want to enjoy this time, and sometimes I do. I feel awful too because I know how lucky I am to have 2 healthy babies! So of course that just makes me more depressed. Depression just really sucks. So instead of waiting 2 weeks to see if the B6 works, I am calling Dr. O Thurs. to get the antidepressants. I cannot wait any longer.

My body image issues are also coming back - which I figured they would. I'm super self conscious about the way I look. The only time I haven't been is when I was pregnant. I actually liked the way I looked and loved my belly. Now, because of the diastasis (did I mention I have that?) I still look like I'm pregnant. It's really gross- your abdominal muscles separate and your intestines push out. Creeps me out thinking about it! I did find a book that has exercises in it to help and I'm going to go to Mommy and Me yoga, so I'm sure it will be ok. In the meantime though I hate the way I look. I'd much rather just have loose skin. Every time I go out I dread that someone will ask when I'm due.

I'm also trying to eat healthy, but let me tell you - it is difficult! It is hard because I cannot really cook at night. The girls are usually awake during dinnertime so I have just been making frozen meals, which are not healthy at all. But I do try to eat healthy when I can. I guess that counts for something.

I had my postpartum appointment. It went well. I didn't get paxil yet. He wants me to try B6 for a couple weeks first. I don't think it will help so much, but I'll do that and see.

I also found out I have Diastasis! I was wondering why I still looked pregnant - my stomach pooches out and is hard, not flabby, and I was getting paranoid that it was my uterus. I asked Dr. O and he assured me it was not my uterus, but the ab muscles separate and push out. And your intestines and everything also push out. I can make it better with exercise though. So this is a great motivator!

Dr. O also let me know that my placenta remains were not really placenta remains. My placentas came out whole. It was a tiny bit left over from the reduction. I had a hard time hearing that. I've been trying to forget that happened, which is hard. I think about it a lot. So hearing that was rough. Please don't leave any nasty or non-supportive comments about this. I really don't need to see that again. Anyway, I know our decision was the right one, but it doesn't make it any easier.
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Today I decided I was going to go out and walk. Now, I have to drive somewhere to walk because we live on a very busy street and it's not the best for walking. I decided to go to a park. Now, I never go to parks because before I had no reason. So I have no idea what the good parks are or anything. I thought this park that has a lake would be a good choice. It wasn't great. I need a paved path to walk on since I don't have a jogging stroller yet. There was a paved path, but it was very short. I did walk on it though! The hardest part was getting everything together and getting out to my car. I have to cxarry the car seats all the way to the parking lot because there are steps up to the condos, but no ramp. So I can't use the stroller until I'm in the parking lot so I just leave it in the car. It was exhausting carrying them both, but I did it! I am going to be buff in no time from carrying them!

Now I just need to find a better park.

I took Sofia to the doctor today. Last week, I noticed what looked like baby acne on her face and neck. I wanted to make sure it was acne and not some other type of rash, so I called the pediatrician. Now, they have after hours and weekend care, and I thought you just call the main line. Well, the person on the phone was pretty clueless. But she got my message ok, or so I thought. Usually I get a call back the same day. I did not get a call. That was last Friday. I figured sometime over the weekend the on call doctor would call. Nope! So on Monday I called back and discovered that in the computer it said a doctor (not my doctor) called me back and left a message. Well, I never got a message and the number did not show up on my cell phone. Weird. So I put another message in and my doctor called me back, thankfully! Over the phone he thought it was heat rash, but said I could bring her in, so I did!

It was not heat rash (didn't think it was), but basically cradle cap. He had another name for it, which I forget, but said it was basically cradle cap which I think is basically eczema. So I have to get Selsan Blue for her scalp and a hydrocortisone cream for her skin. Hopefully it will clear it up!

The nurse weighed her - 9 lbs 3 oz! That was with her clothes on so I think Sofia is probably just under 9 lbs or right at 9 lbs! She is getting big! Now I wonder how much Maya weighs.

This was also my first time going out alone with a baby. I only took one so it would be easier. I'm still dreading taking them both out. I'm actually scared about it! Once I just do it, I think I'll be fine though.

Tomorrow is my 6 week post partum appointment. I think one of my stitches cxame open. I'm thinking it happened during the D&C because before that, it didn't really hurt down there. After, it hurt. I also looked the other day and it looks like one part that should have been close, is open.

I'm also going to see if I can get back on paxil. I was on it before TTC and it really helped. I've been pretty depressed since giving birth, and while it's gotten better, I'm still not completely better. I didn't really realize that I was that depressed until I went to my therapy appointment earlier this week. She was a bit more in my face - which normally she is not. I normally just talk, but she was worried about me this time. This is a psychologist, so she can't prescribe meds. Anyway, I realized that me not wanting to go out and do anything is really a symptom of depression. I'm also not motivated to do anything and feel overwhelmed. Of course, I'm sure some of this is because I have twins, but I do think meds will really help me get back to normal.

Had a horrible night last night. Having twins plus lack of sleep is really not good for a marriage! We got things worked out, but I'm so sick of fighting. I've also felt resentful toward hubby, which doesn't help and I need to get over it. It's just hard when he gets to go to work, and I'm stuck in the house. I do get out to run errands when he's home, which is nice, but the other day he called and basically wanted me home asap because the girls were freaking out. That frustrated me. There has been a couple more times where I thought he could have dealt with the girls more and let me sleep - but he didn't and so I haven't been getting sleep. So all of this on top of no sleep is really not good.

I think we need to communicate and listen to each other better. I knew having twins would be stressful on the marriage, but I definitely didn't realize how much!


My girls are growing! Maya is in newborn size diapers finally and Sofia has graduated to size 1! I keep wondering if/when Maya will catch up in size. She is so much smaller.

I also tested the Playtex nipples with the Dr. Brown's bottles, and they work! So now I can buy the BPA free bottles and just use the Playtex nipples. I am so relieved!

Some photos:

Yeah, I spoke too soon!! After the 2 am feeding, they were pretty fussy all night long. Especially Maya! She was grunting all night and would only stop when I picked her up and laid her next to me!

The girls are tracking objects now, so we practiced that a little today with one of their toys. Right now they are sleeping and I would love to either sleep or clean but they fell asleep on their newborn loungers on the couch and I know if I pick them up and put them in the pack n play that they will wake up!


Wow, my punctuation is now getting critiqued! Yes, I just used an exclamation point there, oh the horror. Good thing I am an English teacher, like to write, and know grammar and punctuation rules. Yep, I know when to use an exclamation point, and at least I don't put fifty million of them at the end of one sentence.

I'm probably speaking too soon, but the girls haven't been that fussy today!! Well, Maya was a little fussy while I was trying to nap, but usually they are crying constantly past 5 o'clock. What I have been doing differently is sitting on the couch with them on their newborn loungers right next to me. They sleep better and are much calmer when they are right next to me.

It is getting a bit easier too! It's just such a HUGE change when you bring twins home! Now, things are getting more routine and because hubby takes the first night feeding - or actually early morning feeding- I'm actually getting some sleep which helps immensely! Now that we are getting more into a routine, I do get bored at times! I think because I am so used to working. I need to go on walks with the girls, but honestly I know that me carrying 2 car seats with the girls in them all the way down to my car (I live in a condo) will exhaust me. Yesterday, I went to the store and had a few bags of groceries - really not that much stuff- and carrying it to my condo about killed me! I'll be happy when my blood levels are back up! It would be much easier if my condos had a ramp, but they don't. The only way to get down to the driveway is by steps. I'm sure that is breaking some kind of code.

As for bottles, Michelle, the Playtex drop ins are BPA free! I'm not sure the Playtex nipples will fit the Dr. Brown's bottles though. It looked like it might leak, but I've still yet to actually try it out with liquid.

I watched 3 movies yesterday!! I pretty much camp out on the couch all day. I have my laptop, the tv, my 2 Boppy newborn loungers for the girls, and a pack n play to put them in when I need to go to the bathroom or make their bottles. First I watched I Am Legend. I love dystopian stories, but I wasn't sure if i would like this because of the whole Will Smith thing. So, I was expecting it to be bad. However, it was much better than I had though! I did enjoy it, though I didn't really like the end. I am interested to read the book, which I am sure is better! It will be interesting to see if the ending is different. I then watched Juno. I think this is my new favorite movie! The writing was excellent! I avoided this movie in the theatres since I knew it was about a pregnant teen, and I didn't think I could deal with that. But after seeing it, I don't think it would have bothered me! There was the whole adoption angle in the movie too, so that helped. Just a great movie. Last, I watched Once. I liked it! The music is great! I ordered the soundtrack while watching the movie because I liked it so much! The ending was sad though, but that's good. Too many happy endings in movies! This was more real.

The girls are doing great! They were not all that fussy yesterday, which was very nice! It also helped that I got sleep the night before.

On a message board I go to, there were posts about giving their infants cereal. All of the infants are about 1 month to 1 1/2 months old! That just seemed really early to me! Many of the posts said they wanted to do that so their baby would sleep through the night. I found this odd since first of all, there is NO evidence that this actually works. And second, cereal has no nutritional value, so it just seems weird to have infants fill up on this instead of breast milk or formula. I was just amazed at the number of people posting that they are doing this. Everything I have always read says to start solids around 5-6 months. I know sometimes pediatricians will say to put some cereal in the bottle around 4 months, but that is the earliest I have ever heard of it!

I have been using Playtex Ventaire bottles because their nipples are the slowest flow, and Maya really needs that! Of course, it kills me because the bottles have BPA in them and I did NOT want to use bottles with BPA! I bought a pack of Dr. Brown's bottles because on May 1st their BPA free bottles will be available, and I got really excited. So I wanted to try them out and see if they worked. Well, Sofia did ok with hem, but the nipples are way too fast for Maya! Formula was everywhere!! I had a feeling they would be too fast when I tested the formula on my wrist - I held the bottle upside down and the formula came out much faster than the playtex ones! With the playtex ones nothing comes out really. Maybe 1 drip. The Dr. Borwn's ones went drip, drip, drip, pretty fast. I might try and see if the playtex nipples will fit on the Dr. Brown's bottles. That would be nice if they did fit!

Sara: you crack me up! :) I did get a nap today, that was very nice!!

I use Similac formula. I need to call and get coupons from them. I know they do something for twins. I just need to call!

Hubby should be home soon so I can go get my hair. Oh and the best part, he is not going back to work! He is staying home! YAY! I was a little mad at him last night. He did the 2 am feeding, but he fed the girls and put them in the co-sleeper and then left the room. So a little later they got fussy and I had to deal with it - and he wasn't very nice about it when I wondered why they were fussy! But he felt bad this morning. Oh, and I was a bit mad because at the 11 o'clock feeding Maya wouldn't eat! Finally at midnight, she started eating! So I didn't even go to bed until after 1 am, so I was super tired.

I do hope I can start feeding them on demand soon! I don't think Maya is always hungry at the feedings, but then I get paranoid about her not eating. I wish I had a scale so I could weigh them. We don't go back to the pediatrician for about 4 weeks.

Today is my birthday. But, of course, I've had a fairly rough day. I know it's because I got very little sleep last night! Hubby had to work extra overtime so he could not do the night feeding like he has been. So I got about 2 hours of sleep. The days are always rougher when I get no sleep! Unfortunately hubby has to work all the overtime he can. He took 2 weeks off when the girls were born - and we weren't planning on doing that! He also took last Friday and Monday off since I was in the hospital. And he gets paid hourly. So, with that plus the huge expense of the damned formula, things are really tight. Good thing I don't go anywhere and use a lot of gas!

Hubby was very sweet today. He got me tulips, a birthday cake, a nice card, and he scheduled a hair appointment for me for tomorrow! He's actually taking a few hours off work so I can go do that. 'm not thrilled he's taking time off, but it will be SO nice to get my hair done! I haven't had it done in about 8 months!

I think my "best" friend forgot about b-day. Though not sure how since Myspace sends out b-day reminders. Oh well. She's too busy with her new boyfriend.

The girls have been super fussy today too! They like to play a new game. I feed them, they start to go to sleep. I try to sleep and they get fussy. Then about 10-15 min. before I have to feed them, they go to sleep- deep sleep!! I hate having to wake them to feed them.

Update

I am home! I got to go home Sunday. I'm still pretty weak and tired though. Hubby took work off yesterday, but I'm home alone today. It's been going ok. I have accepted that the girls will be fussy in the evening and that I won't get anything done, so I am just going to camp out on the couch with them and watch tv!

I talked to my doctor, he put me on iron. The nurses were surprised that the doctor at the hospital didn't! Dr. O was also surprised they didn't let me go home Saturday!! My blood level has stayed the same since Friday after the procedure. He said it would take about a month for the levels to go back up! So, I'm sure my milk supply will stay low. I will pump what I can.

Babies screaming!

Placental Remains

Wow, what a crazy few days!

So I have been bleeding off and on, passing clots, which my doctor said was normal. Well yesterday, all of a sudden I started bleeding heavily. Soaked through a pad in about 5 min and continued to bleed into the toilet. Hubby took me in to triage. The bleeding slowed a little, the on call doctor showed up and did a fun pelvic exam. Meanwhile, I started bleeding again. They sent me to radiology to get an ultrasound to determine of I had placental remains or just a bleed. They were supposed to determine that and then send me to the proper place - if I had remains, I was to have a D&C, if I was just bleeding, a something-embolism to stop the bleeding.

They hardly spoke to me in radiology. I heard something about placental remains. Meanwhile, I am bleeding heavily and I start feeling really light headed and I'm getting scared. They send me back to Triage without telling me or the person who took me back anything. The nurse in triage - who was awesome by the way - was furious. I was bleeding so much that it was decided I needed a D&C right away. They whisked me up to the recovery area and took my blood pressure. It was super low. I don't remember the top number, but the bottom number was 46. I was really scared!

They got me to the OR right away and I thought they were going to put me under, but they didn't. I got a spinal. I am glad they did not put me under because I was really scared of that! I was nervous for the spinal because my epidural was not a fun experience and I even jumped a little when they put in the epidural. This time was much better. Not sure if the anesthesiologist was just better or if it was better because I wasn't having contractions, but it was less painful than before! I also got some phentanol (I know I did not spell that right) to calm me down. That was nice. It was very fast acting and did its job! My OB was not around, and I was a little nervous about having an OB who I hadn't met until that day do the procedure, but then the other doctor from Dr. O's office came in and was going to do the D&C. That made me feel a lot better, and he even remembered me. Later I found out there were 3 OBs in the OR, I guess looking at the placental remains I had.

Even though I lost a lot of blood, I did not need a transfusion. I thought I would be going home today, but this morning after they checked my blood count, it was still low so I am staying another night. I have been really weak all day. Earlier, I got up to go to the bathroom and almost passed out. That made me nervous, but a few hours later they had me get up and walk and I was able to!

I miss my girls terribly!!! Honestly, I wasn't sure if I would miss them because I have had a hard time with them. But just a few hours without them and I missed them SO much. I can't even explain the exact feeling - it's like a part of you is missing. Then, I find out that Maya is not eating much! And she needs to eat! I had hubby bring them today to visit and I fed Maya. She ate for me. I think she is not eating because she misses me, and that tears me up! Hopefully I can go home tomorrow!

Maya had her weight check yesterday and she is doing great! Last week she hadn't gained enough, but this week she gained 8 oz! Perfect! So now she weighs 5 lbs. 4 oz.! We don't have to go back to the pediatrician until their 2 month check up, yay!

I also attempted once again to wear my babies in my Moby wrap, and I was successful!

I went to the breastfeeding support group today so I could weigh the girls before and after a feeding. Turns out, Maya is getting nothing and Sofia is hardly getting anything at all. The pump is emptying me better than they are! Since my LC also works there, she came by to talk to us, which was nice. I have decided I am going to pump and give the girls what I get, though it's not very much! Some is better than none. I'm not going to put them to my breast at all. Well, I might once in awhile, but I'm not going to do this at every feeding. There is no point since they are getting nothing.

I'm really bummed out about this. I know I am not a bad mommy, I know that they are healthy and gaining weight, and that is what is important, but breastfeeding was really important to me. I didn't even realize how important it was to me until this happened. My LC was great. We told her about the difficulties we had at first at the hospital - the nurses on duty at the time were not the best. I didn't think I would have a problem like that since this hospital is known for encouraging breastfeeding, and all the nurses are trained in breastfeeding, etc. We did not get much support from the first ones who were on duty, and I partially blame them. Not fully, but partially. The LC agreed too. She has seen this before and she is planning on bringing it up with the hospital, which makes me feel a little better. I also think my PCOS probably played a role in my low supply. I wish someone would have told me before I gave birth that PCOS can affect supply! You would think I would have come across this in my reading, but I never did. But, I can't change anything now, so I will just have to accept it.

Donna:
I'm not sure why they are not getting anything out of the breast. When I pump, I get a little - about 20 ml. Maya has difficulty sucking and latching. I thought Sofia was doing fine, and she is getting more than her sister, but it;s still next to nothing.

I cannot just not give them a bottle. They need to be gaining weight. Sofia has been gaining well, but Maya is not gaining as much as she should be, so I have to continue with the formula no matter what.

Hospital Packing List

I wanted to post my packing list with comments about what I used or didn't use, or wished I'd had at the hospital for a reference for anyone who has not given birth yet! So, here it is!

Labor/Hubby's Bag

Swim trunks - Didn't use! I had to have the monitors on me at all times, even when I did not have the epidural yet. I think because of the twins. It also did not cross my mind to use the shower. I used the birthing ball.

Heating pads (stick on kind) - Did not use, but would have been nice if I had remembered them!

Mouthwash - Hubby did not use. My labor wasn't too long. We went in at 2 am and gave birth by 3:30.

Change of clothes for Hubby - I don't think I actually packed any. We didn't need anyway.

Robe for me - I used once I got checked in after delivery. Did not use during labor.

Makeup remover cloths - Did not use

Lip balm - Did not use

Lotion - *I* did not use, but Hubby did!

Hair ties - Definitely used!!!!

Socks (to be sacrificed to mess) Used these!! I had some fuzzy ones, had to throw them out after since the amniotic fluid was all over the place!

Camera - used

Postpartum bag

Sleep bra - Did not use, went w/out a bra

Nursing pjs - I was glad to have my own PJS!

Unscented lotion (in labor bag) - again, I did not use

Lip balm (in labor bag) - Did not use

Toothbrush - used all toiletries! It was nice to shower and have my own stuff there.

Toothpaste

Shampoo

Conditioner

Comb for hair

Body wash

Scrubby

Going home outfit, shoes (flip flops) Your belly will be big. It will be larger than people who just had 1 baby! So bring a maternity top! I just wore a t-shirt that I had been wearing the whole pregnancy. I am STILL wearing maternity stuff because my belly is still pretty big. I still look pregnant.

Slipper socks - I got the ones from Target that are fuzzy and mary jane style. I love them!! They have pad things on the bottom so you don't slip.

Lansinoh - Hospital gave me some

iPod - I did not use it, but I am glad I brought it

cell phone - yep, used all the time. Don't forget the charger! I also had Hubby bring me my laptop when I was checked in to the hospital.

*Have in car: EZ2Nurse pillow - I didn't use in the hospital, just used pillows.

For Maya and Sofia

Sleepers

2 shirts

Preemie size sleepers

hats

I did not use the hats - they were all too big! I just used the hospital hate. Did not use the shirts either. I'm glad I brought both newborn and preemie size going home outfits. They fit into the preemie size.

While in the hospital, I did not have them wear any clothes I got them. They wore the shirt the hospital had for them and they stayed double swaddled the entire time since it was hard for them to regulate their body temp. I'm not sure if all twin moms do this, but I did.

As for other stuff I wished I had, I think I had everything I needed. Moms of singletons sometimes bring other stuff to do in the hospital, but honestly, you will NOT have time if you have twins! I had to feed every 3 hours and I was formula feeding, breastfeeding, and pumping. Between that and Lactation Consultants, nurses, doctors, etc. coming in, I had NO free time. I barely even had time to eat! The only time I turned on the tv was at night when I tried to sleep for background noise.

Don't have much time before the next feeding!

MIL is gone. Thank god. Basically, she was NOT much of a help at all. Hubby had even talked to her before she came about what would be helpful to me - cleaning, cooking, stuff like that. He told her I could take care of the girls while she did other stuff. And she agreed. Well, that did not happen. Sure, it was nice to only bottle feed one, but it would have been more helpful if she would have COOKED. I cooked, made my own meals. She didn't even have suggestions. But that wasn't the worst of it.

One night, I really needed sleep so she said she would take the 11:00 feeding so I could sleep. The girls would sleep in the nursery w/ her until the 2 am feeding when I would come get them. So I slept a little, but was mostly awake. I fought the urge to go check on them because I didn't want her to feel like I was checking up on her. I should have checked on them!! 2 am comes around and I go in to the nursery. Only Sofia was in the crib! My heart was pounding! I whip around and look at the bed, all I can see is the comforter up over MIL's head. So at this point I'm freaking out! I yank off teh covers on the bed and there is MIL and Maya!! She had the covers up over both Maya and MIL's head!!!! I was so scared that little Maya had suffocated! Thankfully, she was fine. I could not believe she would do that.

Hubby talked to her the next day and made the rule about no sleeping in bed with them. MIL did not own up to her mistake. She told hubby she would never do anything to hurt them. She apologized to me, NOT for covering Maya with comforter, but for upsetting me. She then went on to say that it was fine because she knew what was going on the whole time.
Um, no you didn't. When I threw the covers off she did not even wake up!!

So that plus lots of other drama equaled a very stressful time for me. I wish she had never even come to visit!

Pediatrician Visit

We've been to the pediatrician so much in the last 2 weeks! Mostly for weight checks. Today, Maya weighed 4 lbs. 12 oz. and Sofia weighed 6 lbs. 8 oz.! He said they were both doing well, but he does want to see Maya back next week for another weight check. Seems like she probably didn't gain quite as much as he would have liked. But he did say she is doing very well!

I really like my pediatrician too! He does not go directly to meds, and has ideas for different issues. For example, I asked about Maya spitting up all the time and if her formula needs to be changed, and he said in his experience, no, changing the formula won't do anything. I described what she has been doing, and he thinks it's pretty normal. He said just to be sure she is upright for about 20 min. after she eats, and burp her plenty. I also asked him about my thrush and he said drying my nips with a hair dryer three times a day would work! He mentioned the medicine, but said the hair dryer works well to kill the yeast. So, that is what I will do. Sounds much better to me than applying meds.


Edited to add:
Not sure what I typed before, but it is likely I got the names/weights confused! Sofia is the larger girl though! :)

There is this program where I am where a nurse comes to your house and talks to you, weighs your babies, etc. So I had that today. The nurse was great! She was also a LC! I told her my feeding schedule and she agreed it was crazy. I told her how much I was getting from pumping and she told me that she wouldn't expect me to get much more than that since I am nursing first for about 20-25 min and they are swallowing. So, that made me feel a bit better! She suggested I stop pumping if I wanted to, that I need some down time. And I couldn't agree more. She also suggested I go to the hospital so I can get the girls weighed before and after a feeding. I will do that sometime this week. That way I can get an idea of how much they are getting from me. I think they are getting more because today I breastfed them, and then both hardly took any of their formula! She also thinks I have thrush. I thought my my nips were just sore from the sucking, but it does sound like I could have it. Good to know they shouldn't be this sore!

I called the doctor about the depression things and he told me to take B6 and see if that helps. If it doesn't, I have to call him back. I also talked to the nurse about it and she had me take a quiz and I was borderline. She also told me that it takes about 2-3 weeks for the hormones to level off, but since I was borderline, she could come back in 2 weeks to check on me. I also scheduled a therapist appointment for next week, so I will be ok. But honestly, letting the pumping go has really lifted a huge weight.

Time to go try to get some rest!

Good news to report! I got a little more milk this morning from pumping! It wasn't much, but it is an increase!

I had a bad night last night. I think I forgot to write about other issues that are affecting me. I have been getting a fever every day in the afternoon/evening time. It sucks! I feel feverish, have chills when my temp goes up, and just feel awful. That, plus twins is really hard. I can't seem to function well when I have the temperature. I called the doc, but I'm not having any other symptoms. I'm also not having any symptoms of mastitis! He said to keep an eye on it. I was a little confused because it is concerning if you have temp of 100.5 for a while. Well, I've been taking meds which brings the fever down. So, is it that they are concerned about your temp if it is that high while on meds?

I had been taking some vicodin, which has acetometaphin in it, but last night I switched to straight tylenol. It didn't work so well! I felt awful all night. Wonderful hubby took an evening feeding, but of course I felt guilty that I didn't breastfeed or pump. I was getting worried about my temp last night because the tylenol wasn't bringing it down that much, and I felt like crap. But then, like every night, my fever magically disappears in the middle of the night. I took tylenol for the last time at 11 pm and when I woke for a feeding at 2:30, my temp was down and it has stayed down!! I think I am going to record exactly what time the temp shows up today. It is so weird and it is really freaking me out.

So, add that to the girls were getting fussy last night and not wanting to sleep - well really Maya was waking Sofia up! Me being paranoid about my temp, and not getting much sleep, and I was a wreck! It doesn't help that I have depression and anxiety anyway! So I think I might go to a post partum support group this week while I still have some help at home (mother in law arrives today). I don't really like groups. I'm not extroverted at all and I normally don't like sharing my problems with strangers, well except for here! :) I will probably also call my therapist. I want to avoid meds though. But if I need them, I will take them.

Thanks for all your comments! I went to Kelly Mom and there is a plan for reducing formula which seems really good. I'm going to print it out and see what the pediatrician says.

Frustrations

I've been wanting to post since blogging really helps my emotions - and of course the emotions after birth are just insane! But I haven't had any time at all.

I have some major frustrations. I had always planned on breastfeeding. Only. Formula was not even in my mind. Sure, I knew there could be a possibility, but I didn't think about it. I wanted to think positive and I thought if I didn't think about formula, then no way it could happen! Well, I have to supplement with formula. That alone depresses me a little, but I could deal with it. But what I have to do for each feeding is very overwhelming! First, I breastfeed. At first, I was breastfeeding one at a time, which took forever. Next, I have to formula feed. Again, at first I was doing that one at a time and to feed both it took like 2 hours! I did begin to tandem feed, which helps a lot, but it is still a struggle and can be difficult! My last part of feedings is pumping. I hate pumping. Actually, I think I hate having to do all 3 things. Why can't I just breastfeed???

My milk isn't all the way in. I get about 2 tablespoons per pumping session. I'm mad at myself for not pumping more in the hospital. I'm mad at the hospital for not fully explaining how much I needed to pump. I didn't even get to see a lactation consultant until the next day because I didn't get to my room until about 8 pm! I'm also mad that I had no idea just how sleepy my girls would be. I knew babies were sleepy the first night, and for most babies that is ok. But mine were also sleepy because they were little and have stayed sleepy until recently!

In one way I wished I would have only breastfed in the hospital, but Maya needed to put on weight. Sofia needed to get her jaundice resolved because she was borderline high. I keep wondering if I had done things differently maybe my sdupply would be in? But that is all over with and I can't change it.

Now I am taking a supplement - More Milk Plus, and I rented a hospital grade pump. I am SO sick of pumping though. The girls have now become more fussy so it's very difficult for me to pump after I feed them when they are fussy. I also feel bad because I feel like I don't spend enough time with each of them. I hold them for feedings every 3 hours, and I hold them for a little while after they feed, but then I put them down, pump, and sleep. Sometimes I don't sleep since the whole routine can take 2 hours!

Which leads me to my next frustration. Which, it's actually not too bad because my husband is really wonderful and I couldn't do this without him. But he has frustrated me a little. The pediatrician has told us that I do need to take care of myself and I need to sleep. He suggested for the night feedings we take shifts. So, we tried it last night. I did the 9:00 feeding, Hubby was to do the 1 am feeding, and I would do the 5 am feeding. After I fed the girls, I got to bed around 11:30pm. The girls were pretty fussy - this time of night is their fussy time. At about 1:30 I wake up because Maya was fussing. Hubby was with Sofia in the living room, feeding her. I got up to see what was going on since it was feeding time for both. Hubby was frustrated with Maya since she had been up all night. He had tried feeding her some at 12:45, she didn't want it, etc. Now, he didn't want to deal with her.

Well, welcome to my world!!!!

There have been plenty of nights where I let him sleep because I wanted him to at least be partially rested in order to do errands and things. And the girls are often fussy. Sometimes they don't sleep much between feedings! So, I fed Maya some more, rocked her, and put her to sleep. I think hubby did feel bad - it really didn't take much to get her to sleep - but I was just so frustrated!

The other thing that frustrates me is when he gets plenty of sleep - like 5 hours straight - and then the next day acts all sleepy. I'm sure he is sleepy, but I have had much less sleep and it is just frustrating to see that.

Now, don't get me wrong. He has been GREAT! I couldn't ask for a better husband. But nobody is perfect, and those are just 2 minor frustrations. I can't imagine what I would do if I was married to someone who didn't help at all.


I'm going to talk to the pediatrician more next week about reducing the formula intake, but I think he wants me to keep it up until my supply comes in. But then, is keeping them on formula going to make my supply not come in? I don't want them to start losing weight though.

The Birth Story

I was scheduled for an induction on March 20^th, but hoping I would go into labor on my own! Luckily, that happened! I went to bed Sunday March 16^th, woke up at about 2 am to pee and when I stood up, I felt a small gush. I thought, ok that was either my water breaking or some discharge – which I had been having more of. I went to the bathroom and it had soaked through my liner, so I knew! It also kept trickling down me after I went to the bathroom. I couldn’t believe it!

I got DH up, I took a shower, we made sure we had everything and went in. Now, I was a little nervous about going in at night because both times I had been at night previously I had the worst night nurses. This time, however, they were great! I was hooked up to the monitors and I was contracting, but they weren’t hurting – just uncomfortable as they had been for weeks. My blood pressure was also high, but I’m pretty sure it was because I was nervous! I was also about to ask if they did have the instructions to call my doctor for delivery, but they came in and let me know they did have that. I was nervous about that since the week prior to that they did not have that info.

Finally I was admitted and taken to the labor and delivery room! A nurse came in to give me my iv, and this was probably one of the worst parts. She stuck me TWICE and couldn’t get it. The other nurse came in, found another vein and got it in perfectly – finally! The on-call doctor came to check on me, and we waited awhile to see if my contractions would start up. I also wanted to wait until 7 am to start pitocin, if needed, because I really wanted my doctor to be around. A little later, the on call doctor came back, my contractions were not doing anything, so she said she would start the pitocin. I had to tell her to wait until 7, which was fine. She was just thinking I wanted to get on with it!

At 7, they started the pitocin. It wasn’t bad at first, finally started getting some good contractions which got stronger. It was funny because I was fine between contractions. During the contraction, it hurt, but not super bad – definitely different than what I had imagined but not worse. It was hard for me to decide about getting the epidural since the pain wasn’t super bad at the time, but it was getting worse and really what did it was that I was contracting frequently and I thought how am I going to deal with hours of contractions with little rest in between? So I got the epidural, which I was most nervous about. I didn’t like getting it. I also jumped a little!!! Which of course scared me. I wasn’t expecting all the pressure – even though he had said there would be pressure. But then it was done and I was fine and getting pain relief!

You would think at this point I could relax, but no way! I kept worrying about things and getting anxious and excited, so no rest for me! I had DH call our childbirth class instructor because she had said she would love to be there for the birth. DH left her a message, and I hoped she would get it! At around noon, my doctor came in to check on me and said I would start pushing at 1:15!

Finally, it was time to push! That was difficult with the epidural and I couldn’t even move my legs even though I had tried to let it wear off. Thankfully, my childbirth class instructor showed up, and she was a GREAT help! DH was also fabulous with his counting and support! Now, the whole time I’m pushing I could only think: I HOPE I am making progress because I DO NOT want a c-section!!! Then, the nurses would check me and tell me I was doing great and making progress, but I didn’t believe them, I kept thinking, they are only saying this to make me feel better!! I pushed for about 2 hours and the doctor was called in! I also got to see the head when it was visible. I never thought I would want to see that, but it was a HUGE motivator and really helped me.

As soon as the doctor showed up, it was pretty crazy, all these people rush in and break the bed apart, lights come down, and you know this is it! I pushed some more and finally Sofia was born! She was born at 3:21 pm weighing 6lbs 1 oz. and 18.25 inches long. Next was Maya! She came right out at 3:24 pm weighing 4 lbs. 8oz. and 17.5 inches long.

Maya had some blood sugar issues – she was borderline low, so they had to feed her formula to get that up. Luckily her blood sugar came up and she did not have to go to the NICU!

Giving birth was an amazing experience, and I am so glad and thankful that I did get to experience it.

Some Photos:
Just born:

Maya:



Sofia:

Maya and Sofia

I don't have long, super busy, but Monday early morning my water broke!
Maya Louise was born at 3:21 pm weighing 6 lbs 1 oz.
Sofia Marie was born at 3:24 pm weighing 4 lbs 8 oz.

Both were delivered vaginally, and I got to deliver in the regular labor room!! My doctor rocks!!!
We had slight issues with Maya being small and Sofia has some jaundice, so I have to supplement w/ formula for now. But my ped. and LCs are confident they will both go to breast no problem!

So, super busy feeding 2 and then pumping!! Will post later w/ more details.

Yep - Mucous plug!

I just talked to my nurse! And yes, it is my mucous plug! :) She said it could take the rest of the weekend to come out. So, hopefully I will go into labor before Thursday!!

Mucous plug?

Well, I'm pretty sure a few days ago I lost at least part of my plug - it looked like snot, but there wasn't very much. Today I had the internal and was spotting. Now I've had some chunks of brownish/stringy stuff in the toilet. I'm trying to figure out if this is also part of the plug! Everything I read said it should look more like snot, but I can't tell since it is in the toilet, but it is all brownish.

I called Triage and they just said it was normal, of course. They also said it was probably because of the exam, but honestly, I've been having internals for how many months now?? And I've never even spotted with any of them until now.

Well, hopefully it is a good sign that I might go on my own! Come on girls!!

37 week appointment

I made it to 37 weeks!! I am now only 3 1/4 cm dilated, but am now 90% effaced. We did schedule my induction for next Thursday, so one way or another they will be here by next Thursday!!

I also started spotting after the exam, which I know is normal, but I have never spotted before. I wonder if he stripped my membranes without telling me? It doesn't seem like something he'd do, but who knows. I did leave a message about the spotting, just to make sure that it's ok.

I really hope I go into labor on my own because I know a chance for a c-section is higher w/ induction. Then again, I'm also a little worried about how both of their heads are right next to each other. I hope they don't block each other from coming down! I know in the end I will have my babies, but I am scared of a c-section and I really don't want to have to deal with that recovery.

I can't believe I have a week (or less!) left!!

Last night I started having contractions that woke me up, and wouldn't let me get back to sleep! They also hurt a little. I was waiting for them to get stronger and closer together - they were about 5-6 min. apart. Well, after two hours of being awake from them, I did dose off and they stopped. What a tease!

I think it would have been better if my doctor hadn't said he thought I'd go in a couple weeks. Now I'm just anxious. So, I'm going to let go. It will happen soon enough! Thursday I have my appointment and will schedule my induction, and then at least I'll have a date that I know they will come by!


I am getting super bored at home though. I also don't want to go shopping because then I spend money! I try calling a friend of mine, but of course she doesn't have time to talk to me. Sometimes I wonder why I stay her friend. She annoys me a LOT of the time.

Teachers in my district will start getting pink slips this week. I'm hoping I won't get one. I'm still not sure because I don't know how many years they will go up to. Plus, my years are confusing. My first year I worked as a long term sub, but I worked the entire year. They should have given me a temporary contract, but never did. So, my pay reflects 6 years, but my evaluation reflects 5 years. I'm also a part of a grant, so I don't know if they will take that into consideration as well. I'm hoping I don't get one because that would just be stressful right now.

I don't think they want to come out!!

Yesterday I went for a walk, and also did shopping. Also, a friend of mine told me to eat eggplant parmigiana from a certain restaurant. She did this and went into labor, and a friend of hers also did this and went into labor a few hours later. Did that work for me? Nope!! Today, went for a walk, did shopping, had sex, and nothing. A few contractions, but nothing major.

It's getting very difficult to get around. My pubic bone is killing me and they are very heavy! I'm definitely ready for them!

We had Chinese food last night. It's interesting because whenever I read my fortune, it is almost always NOT a fortune. It is always some saying or something. However, when I do get fortunes (which is VERY rare - this is probably my third), they eerily pertain to my life. And I mean without having to read too much into them. So last night I got a fortune. It said:

"You may have to be patient now- think, listen, and heed signs."

I thought that was pretty funny :) Although, by telling me to be patient, does that mean I'm going to have to wait longer?? Because I'm not very patient!

I did lose part of my mucous plug last night. No blood or anything in it, just looked like snot. Wasn't very much either. I'm hoping it's a good sign of more dilation!

If you want to read my friend's blog, the one who I posted about yesterday, there is a link to it here. The name of it is "Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies"
I'm still so upset about this.


I'm going to write about my appointment today, although it feels weird for me to do that in light of everything that has happened.

It was a good appointment. Dr. O did not do an internal and I was surprised. He said I was probably only 3.5 cm or at the most 4 cm dilated anyway, so no need. He did a quick ultrasound and they are both still head down. What was funny was that both of their heads are right there, right next to each other. Usually one will be a little higher up, but not my girls! They are both fighting to come out first I think!

He was surprised I hadn't gone into labor yet, and he thinks I will soon - as do I. But we did talk about what we could do if nothing happens by my appointment next week. He told me that this would be up to me, but he could schedule me to break my water and that usually will induce labor. Then, if contractions don't start he could use pitocin. I was glad that he didn't jump to pitocin right away. He also said he was only suggesting this because my cervix is ready. If i was not dilated or anything he would just wait because there is a greater risk for a c-section that way. I just love him!

Originally I wanted it all to just happen naturally. But quite honestly, after what happened yesterday I just want my babies out and safe, so I think we will go ahead with the induction if we haven't gone naturally by next week. So, within the next 2 weeks, the girls will be here!

***
Answers to questions from Donna:
Some doctors don't like to go full term because they think twins do better if delivered by 38 weeks. I did some research, and there is nothing that says they do better or worse if they go over 38 weeks. This is also what my doctor told me today. He left it totally up to me, and wouldn't have even mentioned it if I wasn't dilated and effaced. Originally, I was just going to wait, but after what happened, I don't want to wait. But I have a feeling they will be here before I have to do that.

Yeah, I'm not sure about the heads!! I'm sure that one is a bit closer because they can feel 1 head when they do an internal, so they are not exactly in the same spot, but much closer than heads usually are! Plus, they are in their own sacks, so I'm sure that whichever is sack is right there will be the one coming out first.

Last time I had a growth scan was at 34 weeks, or right before 34 weeks. They were 4 lbs. 10 oz and 4 lbs. 9 oz I believe - if I'm remembering correctly! So hopefully they are over 5 lbs right now!

No!

I'm so upset right now. A friend of mine from an infertility board just lost her baby. She was due1 or 2 days after me. It is NOT FAIR. It's bad enough we had to deal with infertility. Then to get pregnant, carry the baby 36 weeks, and just lose him! It's not right! Her baby was so wanted and loved! I am shocked and so sad right now. I can't even imagine what she is going through right now.

Nursery

I just realized I have not posted any nursery photos!

Sofia's Crib:


Maya's crib:


Hello Kitty humidifier!



Car seats in the Double Snap N Go


A peek into the closet


And, my 34 week belly pic, taken about 2 weeks ago


Edited to add:
I decided on the Snap N Go because I figured that would be soooooo much easier! I tried the Graco Duoglider, and it was so heavy! Way too heavy for me, and I didn't think it would fit in my car (I have a Jetta). So, I got the snap n go and for later I have the Maclaren Twin Techno. It's a side by side that is light, steers REALLY well, and has gotten great reviews! I tried many side by sides and this by far had the best steering. It also fits easily in the trunk of my car with plenty of room to spare!

Michelleann: My OB will let me go to 40 weeks if I make it that far! He said most twins come early, and many people are just done by 38 weeks because they are so uncomfortable, but he is fine with letting me go longer. I did some research because I know a lot of doctors won't let twin moms go past 38 weeks, but there is nothing that says the outcomes are better either way. I prefer to just let them come when they are ready!

Still Waiting

I am still waiting! Now I am hoping they will wait until at least Friday to come!

I called my doctor's office today to see if they had faxed my chart over to the hospital. Some weird stuff was going on with my chart! In early Feb., the nurse faxed my chart because the due date on it said March 30th. Now, this was before my Dr. had written the note on my chart about calling him when I go into labor. Then, the nurse told me that she couldn't just fax the updated one because they use some computerized system over there, and it would "confuse" the system. Great! The other funny part is the person at the hospital who gets the charts is like a third party. Labor and Delivery is not allowed to access the computer with all this info because then they would have access to my whole medical group's records. Oh the horror! So it has to go through this other person. What a pain! So first the nurse said she could give me a copy of the chart so I could just take it in when I deliver. Later, she called back and it turns out my doctor is on call tomorrow so he is going to deliver my chart to them.

It also makes me feel good knowing he is on call tomorrow because if I did go into labor tonight, then there would be no problems at all when I went in tomorrow! But then he is out of town for 2 days, so I really hope they decide to stay put until Friday! I also have an appointment on Friday. I'll be interested to see if I've dilated any more.

It's getting really boring at home. I ca only sit at the computer so long because of my pregnancy induced carpal tunnel syndrome! I've been watching some movies, and tv is getting old. I wish the writer's strike would have ended sooner! I am also not going anywhere because I don't want to go into labor, and it is just really difficult to get around! My pubic bone now hurts every time I stand up. I'm sure it is from Sofia's head! Also, if I stand for too long (like 5 min.) I get a lot of pressure in my cervix. So, it is boring! But I know they will be here soon and I will be far from bored! :)

35 Weeks!

I made it to 35 weeks!!!! Yay! I am so happy! After my appointment last week, I was a little worried I would deliver before 35 weeks, and I really didn't want to! Now, I feel much more relieved! Of course, I would like to make it to 37 weeks, but we'll see what happens!

I've had some contractions today, but nothing painful or regular. I'm going to venture out to Target tomorrow, so we'll see. I'll probably have a few more contractions. I can't believe the girls will be here so soon!

Thanks for the comment S! Sorry you had to deal with crappy care as well!! It did make me grateful for my doctor though!


I just watched the documentary The Business of Being Born. Pretty good! Although, I pretty much knew all the info that was in it. I don't think that many women in general in the U.S. do have all this info, and it would be great if more women would see this! But I have a feeling all the women who will see this documentary are ones who are already in this mindset, if that makes any sense. It didn't go into the details of how much doctors/hospitals/insurance companies make from c-sections or other interventions. I would have liked to see more on that. It discussed it briefly. It also made me very glad that I have the doctor I have!

Another night in Triage

I am so annoyed! So last night I was having contractions that started at 10 min. apart, and then went to 5 min apart for an hour!!!! So, I really thought this was it. We went in, and of course it was 4:30 in the morning so the night nurses were on. Never again am I going in the middle of the night.
I get hooked up to the monitors, and I was still contracting. Then, the nurse wanted to do the FFN test, and I said no - my Dr. wasn't going to stop labor, and if I am in labor you need to call him. Well, they didn't have anything in my records saying to call him. Then, she paged the on call Dr. to see if he wanted to do the FFN. I hear her on the phone say I'm 33 and 5 days!! NO, I am 34 and 3 days! I also hear something about a decel in one of the girls! She came back in and mentioned it, so of course I was nervous but I also felt like it was the monitors. The girls always move away from them or kick them and they can never get a good reading. I also told her I was 34 and 3 - oh I had previously told her my DUE DATE. So she showed me a piece of paper that said my due date was 4/7 and it was from an u/s in Sept. Um, ok, but I KNOW my real due date, especially since I did IUI plus I've been having growth scans!

So anyway, the stupid on call doctor basically wanted to pass me off to the next Dr. since it was 6 am and they switch at 7 am. So that's what they did. Shift changed, I am still waiting. Finally at 7:30 Hubby goes out and asks if I'm going to be released, and at this point I haven't been having any regular contractions. Dr. wouldn't call them back, so they call again, nurses change and finally Dr. calls back and I can go
They were treating it basically like preterm labor (which is understandable, but I do have twins) and the on call Dr. wanted me to get a follow up appt. w/ my doc.

So I will be calling my doc to tell him to fax over the note that says call him and to also fax something that says my REAL due date!!! And I am NEVER going back in the middle of the night.

Now that I vented about my stupid pay roll at my stupid district, I do feel better! After I wrote that, I went and calculated everything out - including our bills. And actually, it does work out better if they divide up the payments. Otherwise, in June I would get a super tiny check, and that would be even harder. I then looked at bills and we can do it. It will be TIGHT, but hey, we have twins coming, it will be tight anyway! I guess the main thing I do not appreciate is they called with ONE week to go before I get paid. I do not like surprises. It's a good thing we will be getting money from the government from the economic package too! That will help.


Since yesterday, I have been STARVING!! It is so weird because for the past few weeks I have not been hungry at all, and when I would go to eat I could hardly eat anything before getting full. Now, I have been eating non-stop! I wonder if that means they've dropped, so my stomach has more room? It's crazy how much I've been eating - but it's good. I want them to GROW!! I also finally slept pretty well last night - despite still waking every hour. I have been having major problems falling asleep. Not last night! I even slept for two 1-hour stretches today!

AAHHHH!!! I hate employers!!! Just when I thought everything was worked out, they have do something dumb! I got a call a little while ago from my pay roll department. What I originally thought would happen was I would use all my fully paid sick leave, then it would go into half sick leave. Well, since they don't want to over pay me, they just calculate when my full sick leave would end and calculate all the hours and how much I should get paid and then split it into my last 5 pay checks. So, I will be getting paid a LOT less starting, oh next week. And disability hasn't kicked in because I lagged, and then pay roll lagged at getting that paperwork in. And I just called them and they were surprised my employer was doing it that way, and they didn't have that paperwork yet, so they couldn't really say how it would work for me yet. I so don't need this right now!!!

Now that I think about it, I think pay roll may have calculated my sick leave wrong anyway, I will have to double check. It's just stressful thinking that you will have plenty for bills until May or so, and then boom! No, I find out I will have to struggle from now until June! I just hope everything works out ok. I think it will, but I hate having to really worry about money - especially right now.


Thanks for all the comments! :) I called the SDPD today, and of course I had to leave a message and they have not called back. I may call the CHP again because I know I can schedule an appointment - I just think the person who answered was clueless.

WOW!

I found out today at my OB appointment that I am 3 cm dilated and about 80% effaced!!! That shocked me! The doctor said I would probably go within the next 2 weeks! I am hoping that I keep them in until 37 weeks though. I want them to bake as long as possible! But knowing it could quite possibly happen very soon - wow! I was nervous about delivery before, and now just more so!

Oh, and they must NOT come March 5th or 6th because my OB will be at a wedding in Mexico. Anytime before, or preferably after that, would be fine. I like that they are to call him - even if he is not on call! That makes me feel a lot better because I love my OB and he knows what he's doing and is confident in doing twin vaginal births.

We still need to install the car seats! Hubby was going to do it last weekend, and then we didn't get around to it. I also need to find a place that will schedule an appointment to check my seats! I called the highway patrol yesterday and she told me they didn't do appointments - even though online it said they did. So I'm going to call other places today.

I can't believe they will be here so soon!!!!

I can't believe how close I'm getting! Really, in about 1 week, if I were to go into labor, they would not stop it!! This is very surreal for me! I'm also terrified of labor and delivery. But, like many other things, I think the waiting and thinking about it is probably the worst.

I just can't describe though, how surreal this is. I mean, for the longest time I didn't think I'd be able to have children. Then, I got pregnant and that took awhile to get used to. But I did. And now that it's almost time for the girls to actually BE here, it's very surreal! I'm super excited about meeting them though!

We have pretty much everything we need and everything is set up in the nursery. I should post some pictures. Oh! And I am getting a glider!! I wasn't sure if we'd be able to do it, but MIL said she;d pay for half of it, so now it is definitely affordable for us! I know I probably won't be able to breastfeed in it (unless I only feed one at a time), but I think it will be great anyway.

I had a more detailed u/s done today. The other doctor ordered it while my doctor was out of town. I was looking forward to it because it is a better machine than they have in their office. Well, the tech didn't even turn the screen toward me! I could sort of see it, but not really well. I should have said something, but I didn't. It was also not comfortable!! I was laying on my back, and of course this u/s took longer than others I've had. Well, part way through I started getting light headed and my heart was pounding. So she had me roll over to one side. Rolling over is not easy and not comfortable at all! Then to get the other one, I had to roll to the other side. So then I couldn't even see the screen at all. I then had to lie on my back again because she couldn't get some shots. Right at the end I again started getting light headed. She then had to do a T/V u/s because she couldn't see my cervix on the abdominal u/s. That was fine, but she didn't tell me about my cervix. And I totally forgot to ask because I was still all light headed and just not feeling well. She did tell me the weights:
Sofia: 4lbs. 9 oz.
Maya: 4 lbs. 7 oz.

And told me what they were measuring over all - but I didn't find out any specifics. I know, I should have asked. It was just frustrating that I couldn't see anything and she didn't explain anything. Maybe I've just been spoiled by good techs and good doctors.

Thursday I see my OB so I will ask him!


We are pretty much all set for the girls to come! We bought some last minute little things last night, and hubby just has to install the car seats. Unfortunately, I somehow LOST my car manual! But, our neighbors have the same car as me (same color even!) so we will ask them. I wanted to get it done today, but that didn't happen. Hopefully by the weekend it will be done and we can go get it checked.

I'm getting anxious to meet them, but scared to death of labor and delivery!! That actually scares me more than bringing them home!

edited to add: Interesting! I couldn't post this at first, and then I saw I had spelled out T/V, so I changed it to just the letters and it posted. Wow. So blogger considers that a bad word? Amazing.

Hubby was so sweet! He knows I've been having a rough time - especially sleeping!! So on Valentine's Day I woke up, and there was pink tulips, 2 huge chocolate bars, and a nice card waiting for me!! It was very sweet. We usually don't do much for V-Day, usually cards only. But he really put some thought into this :) Definitely made my day!

I had some more Braxton Hicks last night. I hate them. I even had one or two that were pretty uncomfortable - almost hurting! I've been telling the girls they need to stay put until 37 weeks at least!

Next week should be fun. I have a more detailed u/s on Monday for a growth scan, then on Wed. I have an OB appointment. It will be nice to see them on a better u/s machine again! Even though they are super squished!