Wednesday, March 04, 2009

I haven't been keeping up with my blog because I've been so busy. I'm at a point now where it's all getting to me. Some nights are good, others I don't get any sleep. Like last night. I only got 2 hours at a time. Both girls were up on and off throughout the night. So of course I was extremely tired today. I went to a play date, pretty late, and I was hoping it would tire the girls out. I got them to bed at 7:30 and they went down easy. Only to wake again at 11. Both woke and were screaming. Then I start freaking out because I'm exhausted, and can't soothe both at once. I was able to get them both into their chairs and get them bottles, which helped, but by this point we were all crying.

I called hubby in the middle of this, but he wasn't any help. He's in a tough spot because he can't leave work really, but I also can't do this by myself sometimes. But I do think he blows it off more than he should. Now I'm crying again- he does a LOT, more than his share, but lately I just...can't. It's like I've given all I can give and I have nothing left for keeping up w/ housework.

I'm going to blame some of this on my psychiatrist. I'm now up to 50 mg on Paxil and obviously, it isn't working. I need to get on a different medication I think. But it's weird because I'll be fine on it and then something will happen, or maybe a series of things happen, and I just can't deal with it. And I'm blaming him because he doesn't do any therapy. It's all about the drugs- that's the only focus. Which now having gone through this, I don't think is effective.

7 comments:

Rebecca said...

Sounds like you need a break...your husband works at night? That is rough. I hope you can find something that gives you a silver lining soon. Hugs!

geminigirl64 said...

None of this is easy.

My assvice- why dont you get a sleep nurse for the girls? A few of my my friends swear by them.

You are feeling overwhelmed bec you have little sleep and have to deal with them alone most of the time.

Give it a try.

Novel said...

I just want to hug you and make things all right. It all seems so overwhelming and not getting sleep always makes it feel that way.
Wish we lived closer and could be friends so I could step in and take some of the night shifts.

Anonymous said...

You are just spreading yourself too thin. With ONE baby I could barely get dressed by noon. No way I could have worked and done all that was important to do.

Add sleep deprivation to the mix and you are asking too much of yourself. I don't think it is a psychiatric issue, it is a reality issue. You are trying to do too much. Maybe it is time to give up the job and live on what you pay for daycare in exchange.

The Adventures of Grunty and Chubbs said...

Oh dear... I'm so sorry Heather. You TOTALLY need a break. Is there anything you can do to change things?

Anything I can do for you? I know we talked about a mom's night out... or maybe I can take the girls for a half day on a weekend or overnight so you can relax and get some sleep??? Please let me know - I want to help! My DH can take care of ours LO's while I help you...

Just Mom said...

I looked around for an e-mail address and didn't find one so I will post here. First, I'll say - I haven't checked in in awhile and I am sorry that things are a bit stressful now. Hang in there - Spring break has got to be coming up soon and I know the babies will start sleeping more consisitently any day now. (And a housekeeper is a great idea - I gave up and hired someone to come once a week and it means that once a week floors, tubs, toilets, etc all get done - and once a week is really all they need!) Then, second, I wasn't sure if you ever kept up with any T-Net news but one of the old regulars Sister Golden Hair passed away and I thought if you remembered her from your time there, you might want to go see the posts before they scrolled off. Sorry to post a somewhat private message on a public forum - please feel free to delete it.

MY JOURNEY TO A HAPPY HEALTHIER ME.... said...

Heather, I wish I lived closer to you so I could give you a hug in person and some help. I can't believe that the girls are almost a year old. I know everything seems even more overwhelming when you're not getting much sleep. Try to hang in there, I will be thinking of you and keeping you close to my heart and sending you lots of love. Take Care!