Monday, July 31, 2006

Will I Ovulate?

Last night, I started feling "full" in my lower abdomen area. After I went to bed I then was having some pain in my ovary area. I'm HOPING that this means I will ovulate soon! I'm tempted to do an opk though I swore I wouldn't do them this cycle. Maybe if I have any left over I will. I don't want to get my hopes up and then not O. So I'm trying not to think about it too much.

I did have a nice distraction the other day! I went to see Wicked! I read the book years ago and it is one of my favorites. I'm so glad I got to go see it! It was fabulous!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

CD 12

Today is Cycle Day 12. I'm wondering if I will ovulate this cycle. I really hope I do, but I can't help but be a little wary. 10 months I've been off the pill and no ovulation. It really angers me that doctors never tell you this can happen. They all say that most women take 3 months to regulate after the pill. But there is no way that this is true for MOST women. I have talked to way too many women who do have issues after coming off the pill. My current OB subscribes to the belief that the pill can mask other problems. I don't doubt that it does do that, but I don't think that is always the case. I think that is just an easy answer for them.

I'm feeling a little better today than I have been. I really like summer vacation, but when you are depressed and have nothing to do, it is NOT a good combination! I kept busy yesterday. I made letters spelling out my sister-in-law's daughter-to-be's name!

I'm really not a crafty person, even though this makes it look like I am! It was very simple, which is good because I don't have the patience for anything complicated! The colors are a bit off since I had to use a flash, but you get the idea.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Clomid HELL

A few days ago, I finished up my last dose of 100 mg. of Clomid. While I was taking it I had no problems. I thought maybe I wouldn't have any side effects! Boy, was I wrong! Friday I bought a new car, and after instead of feeling happy, I was super depressed. I thought it was just because I spent a lot of money. Well, Saturday I was not feeling much better and I was very grouchy. Sunday was even worse. I was super depressed, crying, and when I wasn't crying, I was very irritable. I feel really sorry for my husband for having to put up with this! I really hope I will not have to take Clomid again because this is just awful. I suppose it doesn't help that I am off work right now so I don't have anything to occupy my time with, I can just dwell on how depressed I'm feeling. I keep telling myself that it will all be worth it in the end. But then, what if I don't ovulate on 100 mg? Will I be able to handle 150 mg.? 100 mg. is bad enough! Maybe, maybe, this one will work.

Friday, July 07, 2006


And so I began Clomid. I was very nervous as I took my first Clomid pill. I read message boards, and heard lots of horror stories about Clomid: One girl was rushed to the ER with horrible abdominal pain and had to have surgery to deflate her enlarged ovaries. And, of course, she just had to post pictures with this! Then there were stories of horrible side effects: weight gain, terrible moodiness, severe ovary pain, the list goes on and on. And I am a papranoid person with a touch of hypochondria. I always think the worst is going to happen. So taking that first pill was scary. But I did it. And I took the rest of the pills.

Amazingly enough, my side effects were not bad. Day 4 of the Clomid I had some sharp pains in my ovaries, and while it did hurt, I was more paranoid that it was going to get worse or not stop at all. Later in the month, I had more pain in the ovary area that hurt. I was at work, wlaking, and I must have had a pained look on my face because a co-worker stopped me.
"Are you ok, Heather?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I smiled weakly.
Luckily the pains subsided and I went about my normal teaching day.

Because of the pains, I was convinced the Clomid was working! I would be pregnant in no time! Every day I religiously took my temperature, felt my cervix, and checked my cervical fluid. A year ago, I would have laughed if you told me I would be checking me cervix!

Finally, it looked as though I ovulated! I was ecstatic since there had been nothing since I began. I tried not to get TOO happy though. I knew if my temperatures didn't stay up, that would mean no ovulation. As it was, the charting software only gave me dotted lines which meant I might not have ovulated. A few days later, my temps dropped. I did not ovulate. I was devastated. My doctor had said before he wanted to put me on metformin because he thought I had PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). However, he said this based on one thing: no ovulation. He never bothered to look at my medical history, do any bloodwork, or even an ultrasound. I didn't want to start metformin because it lowers your blood sugar. I already have problems with low blood sugar if I do not east every 2-3 hours. I had a feeling the metformin would make that worse.

So, I called my doctor and asked for the 100 mg. of clomid. He said ok! But as I thought about it and read more about clomid, I began to worry. What if I had cysts? You are not supposed to take clomid if you have cysts! It can make the cysts grow and that can be painful as well as dangerous. I tried not to think about it, but as the days continued, I kept worrying. So, I called my doctor and left him a message asking if I needed a pelvic exam to check for cysts. But I have a feeling I know what his answer will be: NO. Already with the fist dose of clomid, I had called him after I thought I might have ovulated and asked if I could a progesterone blood test. If your progesterone is over a certain number, it means you did ovulate. His response was that the numbers wouldn't tell us anything and it was expensive. Hello? This is MY body and MY money! I probably should have insisted that I wanted it done, but being the wimp that I am, I did not.

After that incident, I also made an appointment with the other OB in the office. Of course, it takes 2 months to get an appointment. But when I do go to that appointment, it will be almost 1 year that I've been Trying To Conceive. So, I will ask the new doctor if he will give me a referral to the fertility clinic. I would feel a LOT better if I was monitored while on clomid.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

My Story

I decided to start this blog to document my journey with trying to conceive. Also because I'm a teacher and have the summer off and need something to occupy my time with so I don't obsess too much over TTC. I've started blogs in the past, but never stayed up with them. I'm not sure why as I love to write. I will try my best to keep this one updated!

My journey starts in September 2005. My new husband and I decided to go off of birth control pills to try to get pregnant! I thought it would be so easy. My mother became pregnant with my sister while she was on the pill! All the health classes in school made me think I would just have to have sex once and, bam! I would be knocked up! It's not that easy.

I asked my doctor (actually the nurse practitioner) during the summer of 2005 if I should go ahead and get off the pill. I had a feeling that being on the pill could mess your fertility. But she assured me I should go off about 3 months before I wanted to conceive. So I waited. September came along and I decided I would stop the pill. I had withdrawal bleeding, then two months later, I got my first period. I had found out about charting my temperatures, but had not started charting since it tells you not to start until you get your period. So I'm not sure if I actually ovulated right when I got off the pill.

After my first real period, I started charting. I found out I was not ovulating. Oh, it played games with me though! My temps would jump and the charting software would give me a coverline, only to be taken away a few days later! One especially rough time, it gave me a coverline for 18 days! I thought for sure I was pregnant. My nurse practitioner even said it looked like a pregnant chart! But the blood tests confirmed: I was not pregnant. The nurse practitioner gave me prometrium to bring on a period. She also told me she wouldn't refer me to an OB until it had been 1 year. I couldn't handle that. I should be ovulating! I couldn't believe she wasn't willing to help me start ovulating! So, I changed doctors.

I went to my primary care doctor and he immediately referred me to an OB! I was overjoyed! Two months later, I went to the appointment with my husband. The OB started me on provera to bring on my period, and then 50 mg. of clomid! I was so excited! At least, perhaps I'd have a real chance of getting pregnant! But I found out that it's not that easy.