Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas everyone!

We are the official owners of our house! The loan was funded Tuesday. Yesterday, we had the place cleaned and got paint. Today, we will open presents- YAY! I am so excited for the girls! And then go to another twin mommy's house. There will be 3 sets of twins there!

The girls are doing so well. It seems like every day they are getting older and doing new things. Sofia has started to try to pull herself up, but she can only get to her knees. I wonder if her lower body strength isn't that good?

Even though we are broke, we are so happy! We have the girls, we have a house, and we have each other. It is truly a wonderful Christmas!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The girls had their 9 month appointment yesterday. I can't believe they are 9 months! And they are getting so big!
Sofia: 20 lbs, 28" long!
Maya: 18 lbs, 27 3/4" long!

It's also crazy to me that they have stayed exactly 2 lbs apart since birth. Overall, they are both in the 75th percentile.

Last night, I'm pretty sure they both slept all night! Hubby was home at midnight, but Maya stayed on her crib all night. That's a first!

The loan didn't fund yesterday because the stupid escrow company did not get their paperwork in on time. Ya know, when something like that happens, I really think they should give us something. Like paying for cleaning! Anyway, the realtor said that it would fund today. I sure hope so! We will be moving stuff over this week, so hopefully by the end of the weekend or so we will be all moved in!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I have been super busy! At least I am on Winter break now!

Last Wednesday, we signed the loan documents for the house. We were hoping the loan would fund that Thursday or Friday. Nope. So, I have been so stressed out all weekend. It should hopefully fund tomorrow. The lender's agent said we needed a couple more documents. We just have to initial an updated document and then submit our 401ks again. Which I thought was weird since it's not like they have changed on a week or so. I'm trying to find out if they can have you sign documents and then not fund the loan. We were also preapproved. Please keep your fingers crossed!

The girls are 9 months old now! 9 months!! I can't believe it has been that long! Honestly, the first few months are such a blur for me. They are a lot of fun right now, and I am loving it! The girls will make each other laugh and it is so freakin' cute! My sister in law has been in town, and it has been great! She is a huge help! Of course, others do not understand about keeping twins on their schedule, but we have survived. I do need to talk to DH after she leaves though. He felt like she needed to be doing something all the time. I understand that, but the girls were so off schedule and so cranky. There needs to be a balance! But we survived, so it's not that big of a deal.

I have figured out that I am having anxiety. I had been thinking it was just my depression, so we upped my dose of, which did help the depression. But then I realized that I have been anxious. Of course, waiting to see if our loan gets funded does not help! So I will likely get an anti-anxiety med as well, I'd like to just take one, but I'm not sure if there is one that treats both anxiety and depression. I think they use for that, which is not working for my anxiety.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

The cutest thing happened this morning! Maya woke up- she was in the co-sleeper next to the bed, which is actually a play pen now. She stood up, was talking, and then started playing Peek-a-Boo with me!!! She would duck down for a minute, then pop up and I would say "Peek-a-Boo!" and she would do it again! So cute!!!

I cannot believe they are almost 9 months! That is just crazy. It goes by so fast. I swear time speeds up as soon as you have kids. It speeds up a little when you become an adult, then speeds up more as you get older. Then, you have kids, and it is on fast forward. It really makes a case for slowing down, not stressing about work so much, and just enjoying life.

Here is a video of Maya standing and getting down:

On the home front, literally, Friday we rushed around getting some document signed because they want to see another tax return. But, even though we rushed around, it was still too late to get it in. Oh well. So we might have to wait a couple extra days. We are still hoping to close by the end of next week.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I work with idiots!

Yes, I already knew this, but I was just reminded again. We are leading professional development sessions and I had to get some hand outs ready. So I was having problems formatting one of them and getting paranoid because the one person was not emailing me back on how to fix it. So I emailed the ones I had to the other co-worker so she could print out what I had so far and make her copies. Ahead of time. Like normal people. Then I fixed the other one and sent it, only to realize that I labeled two different handouts the same number. So I asked the one who was making copies if she could fix it. Not hard. Change the 3 to a 2. She emails back and says that she is confused. Can I fix it and resend all of them! Really? You already have the files!

Then she sends me another weird email saying that I needed to do the handouts for the English session. She wasn't sure if I thought she was doing that or what. Um, hours before I had sent the English handouts. All of them. On one email.Sometimes I just want to bang my head against the wall. And watch. She will be late tomorrow because she was making copies. Even though I sent them at about 1 pm today. You know, I should have just made the copies myself!

I think it may be time to go back to the classroom.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Well, a lot has been happening! We are in escrow for the house! We should close sometime next week. Of course, I am still nervous they won't fund the loan, and I think I won't stop being nervous until we have the keys in hand. So, I don't think I ever posted details about the house. The first time we looked at it, I didn't like it. I think that there was some stuff in the house and I just didn't like it. We then looked at other houses and put other offers in. Then we got a call saying the offer on that house was accepted! So I agreed to go look at it again, but I told hubby that I probably would still not like it. I was wrong! I did like it. I don't even know what I didn't like to begin with. Sure, it needs some work. The carpets need to be cleaned, but our realtor said they would be cleaned. It needs paint too. But really, it is just cosmetic stuff that can be fixed over time. It is a large house and the price we got it for is really good.

1900 square feet
4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths
living room, dining room, family room, and a bonus room upstairs which will be the play area! There is also an eating area in the kitchen.
The backyard is a good size, especially for San Diego.
Great area, great schools
garage w/ storage cupboards already installed

I am very excited!
Ok, here are pictures! Now, it needs some work- we will be tiling asap and painting. The paint color downstairs actually looks better in the pics than in real life! And I didn't get good pics of the extra bedrooms b/c they are small, so I'm not posting them.

Living room when you enter
Dining room that is attached to living room

Family room. I'm standing in the kitchen taking the picture

Ugly runner on steps that I hope can be taken out. I'm standing in eating area off the kitchen

Coming up steps- bonus room
Standing in bonus room, view of rest of upstairs, the 3 extra bedrooms and bathroom

master bedroom
master bedroom- yes, walk in closet! Separate tub and shower!!


It wraps around the side and the side area will be our dog run.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Thanks everyone :) I especially love the "growth" comment!

I have a plan. I started recording my food in weight watchers. I did it a few years ago, and it worked, so I'm doing it again. I also am going to leave work early 2 days a week and go do cardio at the gym. I'm also getting a post-partum yoga dvd from netflix and will do that at least twice a week. I've had it with my weight. I don't even have many work clothes!

The girls are doing so well. They are 8 1/2 months now!! For awhile Maya has been crawling, pushing herself to sitting, and pulling up. I was getting worried about Sofia (I know, don't compare) but she was army crawling. For the last couple days she has been trying to push herself to sitting, but it wasn't working. Well, today, she did it!!! I was very proud of her!

I was also worrying about Maya because she wasn't eating much. It was a struggle getting 24 oz. of formula in her. She also wasn't taking much solids. Well, today that changed! She had 29 oz. of formula and ate plenty of solids! Maybe she is hitting a growth spurt.

I just realized tonight that we NEED to get out of our stupid condo. I realized that the annual HOA board meeting was tonight and I needed to go so I could vote and vote for a new board president. I had forgotten to mail in my ballot, so this was the last chance. I hauled the double stroller down our stairs, figured out a way to get both babies down the stairs, put Maya in, then started putting Sofia in. Well, Sofia's strap needed to be loosened and I've only used the side by side one other time. So I couldn't figure out how to loosen the thing!! It was taking me forever, and by this time both babies were screaming. And the neighbors were wondering what was going on. Finally I figured it out and put Sofia in. Of course they stopped screaming when I started walking.

We got to the steps (there are a few steps throughout the complex and NO disabled ramps) and as I was trying to figure out a way down, I realized that if I went down, I would need a way back up. And there was no way that was happening, so we went back inside the condo. By this time I was sweating profusely, very tired from hauling the babies around, and starting to get a headache. And also upset that I wouldn't get to vote.

So, yes, we need a house. It is just getting so ridiculous here!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


I have been doing so well- even in a good mood despite being busy every single day of my break. Then today I went to the store to get Turkey Day stuff, and it was bad enough the store was super packed. But when I was in the check out line, I got the dreaded question. How far along are you?


Whenever this happens I'm tempted to go into a full blown explanation:
I had twins, 8 months ago. Both hubby and I work full time, opposite shifts so I have zero time to work out, not to mention that I have PCOS which makes losing weight very difficult. Plus I have diastasis which makes me look pregnant, so back off!

But no, I said, "I just had twins." Of course then she asks, "How old are they?" And I reply, "8 months" of course realizing that 8 months is NOT just having them. I'm going to blame celebrities. Aren't they good to blame for everything? I mean, Angefreakinlina was stick thin the day after she gave birth! And they say she is still breastfeeding?? NO WAY, because there is no way to keep your supply up without eating plenty.
J Lo looks like she never had kids, let alone twins! And it's not just xelebrities! I swear sooooo many twin moms in my twin group are also skinny right after having them! True, many of them did deliver early. I try to remind myself of that. I kept mine in baking until almost full term. It's just so frustrating!!! And really?? Who asks how far along you are to a stranger?? I have only considered asking when it is very obvious. Like, a perfectly round belly that you know is a preggo belly. UGH!

I never thought I would ever consider plastic surgery, but honestly, a tummy tuck sounds very nice- and it would fix my diastasis which is really what bothers me most.

Of course, I should be eating better too. I'm not completely blameless, but it is difficult.
I finally uploaded some new photos!

Maya is so funny. She loves animals. Whenever our dog or cat come around, she stops and looks at them, and usually smiles. It is very cute! Sofia is also intrigued by the animals, but not quite as much as Maya.

I can't believe how big they are getting!

In other news, an offer we put in on a house was accepted! We are in escrow. Just think good thoughts for us that we actually get the loan. We were pre-approved, but they can always change their mind.

Sofia, 8 months:

Maya, 8 months:

Maya can pull herself up to standing!

Chillin' in the carseats

Friday, November 21, 2008

It's been awhile! I have been super busy at work and then at home- with non-sleeping babies! I'm not sure what is going on with them. Maybe it is because they are learning so many new skills at once. Maybe they are teething. But, I always think they are teething and there is still no sign of any teeth! Is it even possible to teethe for so long without having teeth pop through?

Usually from about 6 pm-9 pm the girls sleep very well. After that, they start fussing and waking. Their paci falls out, they fuss. I go in and replace it- even though they are able to put it back in, somehow they forget this when they are half asleep. Then around 11 pm one, or both, wakes and starts crying. Loudly. Maya I think cries because she knows I will come in. She instantly falls asleep when I hold her. But when I try to put her back in her crib, she screams. I have been ending up with Maya in my bed. Now, I do like this usually. However, when she sleeps with me I have to hold the same position- so after awhile it is not the most comfortable thing. But I do love sleeping with her!

When Sofia wakes, usually nothing can calm her down. I usually end up feeding her, and I do think she is hungry. Usually after I feed her she can get back to sleep. Sometimes it takes awhile though. The other night, both were screaming at the same time. Hubby helped me, so that was good, but I really don't like hearing 2 screaming babies at the same time. I hate it because I can only soothe one at a time, unless Hubby is helping. So, I haven't been getting much sleep. I usually first sleep for about 2 hours, then wake for an hour or so, then get more sleep, 4 hours if I'm lucky. I had a brief period of heavenly sleep, when the girls were sleeping through the night. I think I even wrote about how lucky I was they were such good sleepers! I spoke too soon.

Even though I'm getting little sleep, I am really enjoying the girls right now! They are doing so much. Maya, like I said before, is crawling. She also now can pull herself to standing, and it is her favorite thing to do. If I am sitting on the floor with them, she crawls right over and pulls up on me. I also think she was giving me kisses today! When she was standing, her face was in front of me and she would bring her head close to me and put her mouth on my cheek. Then, I would give her a kiss, and she would do it again! It was so freaking cute! Both girls are saying "baba."

Sofia is army crawling. She is also still rocking back and forth on her hands and knees, but to get around she has learned army crawling works best for her. She can also sit, but hasn't figured out how to put herself in a sitting position.

I have plenty more I want to write about, but I'm too tired at the moment to write. And a baby is screaming! To be continued...

Sunday, November 09, 2008

I've been meaning to write, just haven't had time! I figured now was a good time- at 3 am. I am up because starting at 2, Sofia has been awake. From 2-3 I kept going back to bed, now I'm going to stay awake a little just to make sure she is asleep this time.

Last Tuesday was the election! How exciting! I am so glad Obama won. I have a new hope for this country and the country's future. I believe Obama is the leader we need right now. As for Palin, as much as I don't like her, the McCain campaign is really blaming everything on her, and that's not fair. The latest is that they are blaming her- only her- for the hate that was incited at rallies. I'm sorry but it wasn't just her. McCain was at some rallies too, and he did not speak up. Advisors were at the rallies, and nobody told her to stop. They are all to blame.

I am very disappointed in my state though. California passed Proposition 8, which will amend the constitution, defining marriage as between a man and a woman. Thankfully, they have already filed a lawsuit against it. I don't think you can amend the constitution to take away rights. Hopefully it will get over turned. This proposition is all about hate. The people who voted for it may not agree with same sex marriage, but why are they pushing their beliefs on everyone else? Many conservatives don't want others' beliefs pushed onto them, so why do they frequently do it to others? It's not hurting anyone, it's not interfering with your life. Makes me so angry.

Maya is crawling all over now! I need to post a video of it. Also, she has been pulling herself up to kneeling and today pulled herself to standing! We need to really get on the babyproofing!

I am super tired, and I think the coast may be clear so I can go to sleep. Goodnight.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I have been so busy!! My English professional development went really well- and I got a private email from my boss saying how good it was, and in her email to the 3 of us, she also said how strong the lessons were I did! Yay!

Maya is now 16 lbs and Sofia is 18 lbs!

Here are a ton of pictures!
Here is the family at the pumpkin patch


Maya, her 7 month photo:

Maya, newborn:

Sofia, 7 months:

Sofia, newborn:

The girls, together, 7 months


Sofia loves to read!

Maya is getting better at sitting:

What choo talkin' 'bout, mom?

I fed them frozen waffles in the mesh feeder. Sofia loved it:

Maya didn't

My toy, no MY toy

Uh oh, we got caught


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Lots of stuff

I have been inspired to write. I've been thinking the past few days about things I wanted to write about. Yes, in the middle of giving a professional development to teachers, I am thinking about things I want to write about.

The past two days I, along with my two co-workers, have been presenting professional development to content area teachers. Monday we had a session with science teachers, and today we had a session with social studies teachers. Do you remember how I had problems earlier in the year with my co-workers? Yes, these are the same ones. I am working with English and social studies teachers, and the co-workers are working with science and math. Also remember that originally I was supposed to be working at 3 schools, but the one co-worker basically said that was not going to happen. I expressed my concerns over her having too much on her plate, but the boss left it. Well, she hardly ever comes to the main school I work at. I was quite pleased that I got a total of 13 teachers at the social studies session. They only got 5 science teachers between the two of them. Next week is math and English. I have about 20 or so teachers coming. The math session only has a handful- probably around 5 or 6.

The sessions have been going well and the teachers- even ones who have been resistant in the past- are quite open to these ideas. It's been great.

I came to a realization the other day. Ive been doing a lot of thinking about what I might do next year, and had been thinking of going back into the classroom. As I thought about it, I realized that at any job there will be political crap. That's the part I hate. But any job you have there is that political side. I think it is inescapable. Therefore, I need to do the job that makes me happy. Honestly, teaching students as well as teaching teachers makes me happy. If I teach teachers, though, I can have a larger effect of students. I had been frustrated by my first two years of coaching experience. I was not put into the best situation and I did not have the support I really needed. This year is different. I feel more comfortable coaching, and it's just different than before. I think being attached to two schools helps. When you are attached to one school, they do tend to take you for granted. Plus there were other admin issues for the past two years. So at this point, I think I will continue to coach. I love helping teachers. So that is where I stand at this moment. Of course, that could always change.

Most of you know, I care deeply about politics and am liberal. Very liberal. So of course I want to write more about the election! This is one thing I do miss about not being in the classroom. I loved election years with my students. Anyway, I found this article about the McCain campaign-Palin specifically- asking people for money for the campaign. Not directly, of course, but still asking for money. And yet, he wanted to accept public financing...

And here is a piece about Obama's legislative record:

This is the first time I have ever donated to a candidate. I just donated another $10 to Obama's campaign today. I think he will be an excellent leader.

My favorite topic- My GIRLS!

They are doing great. Maya is lunging forward in order to get items. She is trying to place her hands so she is crawling, but she doesn't know quite how to move her legs, so she lunges. I think I caught this on video, so I will have to post it. Sofia is rocking back and forth, but she is quite content staying in one spot. She also rolls to get to items, so she has her own way of doing it.

Sofia is loving solid food. She likes everything I have given her! Maya, on the other hand, is more like me. Sigh. She now isn't always sure of the food. But she does seem to like fruit a lot more than veggies. I keep offering the veggies in hopes that eventually she will get used to them. I do not want her ending up as picky as I am. I firmly believe I ended up being so picky because my mom did not continue to offer a variety of foods. I have gotten better at my pickyness, and am definitely not as bad as I once was. But I'd rather offer lots of different flavors and textures to my kids.

Once again I will say this- I love having twins! Yes, it is a lot of work. But it is so worth it. I can't imagine just having one. I am so lucky. It is so great to see their completely different personalities developing, and they have each other. They are starting to interact more and more, and I think it is great. Growing up I never really had anyone. I was an only child until age 7, and in my neighborhood there were no younger kids around. Plus, each house had so much property that neighbors were far away. It definitely was not like a typical city, or even suburban, neighborhood. I always wanted friends who lived near me, or siblings close to my age. It is so wonderful that they have each other.

Saturday, October 18, 2008


Thursday night was a nightmare! Sofia woke after sleeping for about an hour and a half. She woke up screaming, and nothing would calm her down. I usually can get her calmed down, but not this time. I tried feeding her, and she ate, and it quieted her until she stopped eating. Then the ear piercing screaming started again. I started to get pretty worried because there was nothing I could do for her. It reminded me of the early days when they would scream and I would get upset. I called my hubby, crying, I was so frustrated, upset, and worried. Of course he could do nothing- he was at work. Finally, I got Sofia to sleep after one hour of screaming. I thought I was in the clear, but no. She woke after about 10 minutes. I gave her motrin, but that never helped. I gave her a cold pacifier and it worked for about 1 minute. I tried playing with her and that didn't even help. Again, somehow, she finally calmed down and went to sleep. As soon as she was calm, I laid down with her and we both fell asleep. I moved her to the co-sleeper when I woke and went to bed. Even though I had some work to do, it didn't get done since I only had a little while to eat my dinner before she started screaming.

I was worried about her, so I called the pediatrician in the morning. The nurse called me back, and that was a big waste of time! I wish the doctor would have called me back. The nurse asked a bunch of questions and then told me to go to 2 naps a day instead of 3. Also, put her to bed later and feed her cereal at night. Give her Tylenol before bed. Well, that was a waste. She is not going to have 2 naps a day. That just won't work. She gets very tired and really needs her naps. I did try putting her to bed a little later, but that is not the cause of the problem. I was afraid it could be an ear infection, but the nurse said that no fever and no ear pulling = no infection. And that is not true because I know plenty of people whose kids have had ear infections without either of those symptoms.

Last night was better. As soon as she started waking and fussing, I replaced her paci with a new, cold one from the fridge. That seemed to help, so I do think it is teething.

Please, wish me luck getting through this stage!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

It feels like I haven't posted in a really long time- and I think it has been a really long time! I have been so busy and tired.

The girls are teething. Getting them to bed is a nightmare, and then they continue to wake up during the night. Sofia has been waking more, and staying awake and screaming. I finally gave Sofia Motrin last night and it seemed to work a bit. But she was up at 9 and 12:30am. Both times I fed her as that was the only thing that would calm her down. After I fed her the last time, I had to hold her upright against my chest and she finally fell asleep.

Tonight, I fed them at 5- they didn't eat too much, and I put them to bed since they were acting tired. Well they never really fell asleep and were full on screaming by 6. So I fed them 4 ounces which they ate and then they went to bed. I will try to feed them later tomorrow, but they always get hungry at 5!

Still no crawling, but Maya is very proficient at moving backwards and turning, which gets her to where she wants to go. She is trying to move forward, and it is so funny because she just lunges forward. I really need to get it on video!

Sofia still just rocks back and forth a little. She has no motivation to work on her crawling. But she does love her jumperoo!

Throughout the week I keep thinking of things to write about and of course I don't write them down, and then I forget what it was I was going to write. I keep meaning to write, but by the time I get them down, eat, watch a little tv, check email, it is 8:30 and I am so tired! It's 9:00 right now and bed is calling me. I've wanted to go to bed since about 8.

Next week I will be going to a psychiatrist. I thought it would be a good idea because I'm not so sure the Paxil is still working. Dr. O increased my dosage but said he wouldn't increase it anymore, I would have to talk to someone. Even after the dose was increased, I still get depressed on the weekends. It can get pretty bad sometimes. I don't want to do anything and just want to stay home. I also get more irritated. Now, I talked to my psychologist about it and it could be depression, but it could also just be from working and taking care of the girls. I really think it is depression though. It feels like it. So this psychiatrist seems really good, we'll see next week after I go to the appointment. I just hope we can get the meds right.

I will post some pictures later on. I am just too tired right now, and need to hopefully go to sleep- unless a baby wakes up!

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

I haven't written in awhile, so I thought I would. I've been busy, of course. I'm exhausted, but the girls are doing great! They are so cute and funny- I love seeing them grow!

The girls are still just rocking back and forth, no crawling yet. They still aren't sitting up. Maya can for a little bit if I prop her up so she is leaning forward. Still no "mama" or "dada" but they are babbling and laughing away.

I'm pretty sure they are teething. They have been cranky and biting on things. I don't feel any teeth yet though.

We did get preapproved for a loan- much to my shock! I thought there was no way we would get preapproval now, but we did! So we may be buying a new home. That would be so nice. I am a little nervous about renting our condo out though. But we need a house. This place is just way too small.

It's 8:15- time to go to bed!

Friday, October 03, 2008


I am a member of an email listserv, and have been for many years. This listserv focuses on teaching literacy in the workshop style. It hasn't been very active lately, but somebody posted a question, wanted some ideas, so I gladly gave some ideas. Nobody else had responded to this question either. Well, then somebody replies asking if it is ok that people (me) have a political signature. Here are the exact words:

I was wondering if this group has any parameters about political commentary? On other lists I participate in there are guidelines about espousing political issues, I think that is to ensure we don't alienate some members.
Just wondering,"

I have "Yes We Can! Obama/Biden 08" in my signature. I'm not taking it out. I will be interested to see what the responses are. It just makes me mad because you can choose to ignore it. I do not tell everyone to vote a certain way or anything like that. My posts are very constructive, and, as I said before, I have been a member of this list for many years. It just made me so mad. This is a list of educators- people who generally like freedom of speech, good debates, etc.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Holy shit.

I am already so grateful for my girls, but now I am even more so. I just opened up my pay stub and there was a note about changes to our medical coverage. Infertility treatments are no longer covered.

I teared up when I read that because I was able to get pregnant and have twins just before they dropped it. I teared up because I am so thankful for them. But I also teared up because I know this means that so many other people will have to pay out of pocket for fertility treatments. And some just can't afford it.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I definitely feel better today. Hubby called last night and I mentioned I vacuumed. Then, I woke up when he came home and I got up. We talked, and it was good. I told him (calmly- which is a first!) how I felt, listed everything I did that day, and just how we both need to do the housework equally. It definitely helped. Sofia woke up after I had gone back to bed and he got up with her. I later saw that he fed her too. Much better than bringing her into me! He also did some cleaning and folded his laundry today, so that was nice.

Another reason I feel better is because I got to go to my therapist appointment. I have been going to a psychologist for about 8 years now. It helps SO much with everything. It's funny, because all I do is talk, and if I'm having a specific problem she will sometimes suggest ways to handle the situation, but mostly I just talk. I always feel better after, but always wonder- is this really helping me? I mean, it makes me feel better, but is it doing anything? Well, it is. She pointed out to me today that I usually bottle things up and then explode, but I didn't let that happen with the issue with hubby. I also wrote that email to the co-worker and confronted that. I would have never done that before. So, it really is helping. Plus I can also now identify when I am having a depression episode. Before, I would just get depressed and, sure, I would feel depressed, but I wouldn't recognize it as something the chemicals in my brain are doing. Now I can recognize it. And I have been depressed lately.

I called my OB to get my prescription upped, but that hasn't helped. Very weird, because before when I was on pa.xil it helped so much! So now I need to find a psychiatrist. Luckily my psychologist gave me the name of one she thinks is covered by my insurance. But we also talked about how it could be because I'm stressed at work and I don't have much down time at all. I think it is a combination of everything.

And now, I will leave you with a cute video of Sofia in her jumperoo:

Monday, September 29, 2008

I need to vent.

It has been going well with hubby, but he's really been making me mad! So we both work about 40 hours a week. He works maybe 48 hours. We both have to watch the girls. So, it makes sense that we each share the housework pretty equally. Well, that hasn't been happening lately!

Let's take today for example. Here was my day:
5:00 am wake up, take shower
5:30 the girls were up so I went ahead and fed them
6:00 put them back down to sleep, made breakfast, ate breakfast, got ready for work
6:50 Left for work
7:15-2:00 worked. Worked through lunch as I usually do
2:00 Left work a little early so I could go to the grocery store. I did not get to go to the grocery store this weekend because hubby worked Sat. and then went to look at houses Sunday. I can't take the girls to the store when I want to get more than a few things. So I went right after work.

I need to add that I had asked hubby to vacuum and he told me he would when he got home Sunday. He forgot. I asked him to try to vacuum today. He said he couldn't, so I said well at least vacuum the girls' room.

3:00 got home from the store, carried in groceries. Asked hubby to go and get the last 2 bags. He complained about doing that- said he had to get the girls down. I said I would do that please go and get the bags. So he did. I left the groceries to put the girls down, thinking that hubby would see the groceries and put them away when he got in. After I put the girls down I started folding my laundry. I came back to the kitchen and hubby was sitting on the couch- eyes closed. Groceries were not put away. By this point I am very mad. I put the groceries away. Then I loaded the dishwasher.

3:30 I continue folding laundry and wonder when hubby is going to leave for work. I haven't sat down yet since getting home. Finally he says bye to me. I think he knows I am extremely mad because he was being nicer than usual. He should know that I am super mad because I did not say anything to him. I usually will say something.

The girls will be waking soon and I will play with them, feed them solids, feed them their bottles, then by that time it should be bedtime. After that I will eat dinner and relax (hopefully) for a couple hours. I need to vacuum though! IT's driving me crazy. Maybe they can play in the pack n play while I vacuum.

Anyway, that's how busy I have been. And it is really wearing on me. We both work hard, we both take care of the girls. We both need to do chores. I cannot do everything. I was wondering why I have been SO tired. I have been going to bed at 8:30 lately! Well, now I realize just why I am so tired. It's getting ridiculous because I cannot keep up with all the cleaning. I just can't.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

6 Months!

I can't believe they are 6 months already! This time has flown by! It really seems like I just gave birth to them. As you get older, time speeds up. I think it speeds up again after you have kids. I remember when I was little and I asked my mom how long until Christmas. It was 2 months away, and that seemed like an eternity! Even 1 hour was a very long time. Now, 1 hour is nothing. And every day my girls are growing and changing. Sad, in a way, but it is a reminder to slow down and enjoy the moments. I also look forward to seeing them grow up. They have their whole lives ahead of them and that is so exciting for me.

Now, as I think about this, I'm tearing up because a little over a year ago I really thought I might never get to experience this. I'm so thankful that I do get to experiences this- and with twins! I will never, ever for a minute take for granted what I have. I know some people posted before I got pregnant that the infertility would make it more special, and it has. I don't think anyone should have to go through infertility ever, but motherhood is definitely something I do not take for granted and it does seem all that more special. And getting pregnant and having healthy babies is really a miraculous thing. I'm still in awe that I grew my two girls inside me.

Now some pictures!

Sofia was in the jumperroo and Maya was in the crib. I look up and see:

Saturday, September 13, 2008

I was looking at a website and it had a list of the top 10 most useless baby items, as voted on by moms.
Here is the list:
#10 Diaper Pail (Genie and Champ)
#9 Shopping Cart Cover
#8 Boppy Nursing Pillow
#7 Infant Shoes
#6 Hanging Diaper Stacker
#5 Bumbo Baby Seat
#4 Baby Robe
#3 Crib Bedding Set with Bumpers and Quilts
#2 Wipe Warmer

And the most useless thing of all?
#1 Bottle Warmer

I disagree with some of these!
#10 I would not say a diaper pail is that useless. The Champ makes me angry and I wish I would have gotten the De.kor though.
#9 I am planning on getting a shopping cart cover. Shopping carts are SO GROSS and germy!
#8 Love my Boppy! I did not use them to nurse but I used it for tummy time and now I use it to prop them up sitting. I also have the newborn loungers which I still use to feed them on.
#7 I agree. Though I did buy some. They wore them once. But they are cute!
#6 I disagree! I use mine. Love it. Keeps diapers where I need them and doesn't take up room
#5 I love the Bumbo! I have 2 and use them.
#4 never thought about getting. I do have the hooded towels which I love
#3 I agree. I did not get a set since I knew I wouldn't use the bumpers or most of the other stuff too. I bought sheets separately and I think it was a little cheaper.
#1 I agree. I used it for a little bit, then I just fed them bottles cold. It was easier.

Why isn't the Wipes warmer on there? I bought one, but then because we had to wake them up to eat and wanted to keep them awake, we used cold wipes. I have a warmer, took it out of the box and never used it.

I think the ranking of items really depends on the mom. Every one likes different things. And I think having twins changes some of the things you might like/dislike. So that's my take on that list.

Friday, September 12, 2008

We have decided that we need to get OUT of our condo. We have definitely outgrown it, and really hate living here. Not to mention the building is pretty much falling apart. I mean, it looks fine from the outside, but there are problems with it. So, we discussed a few options and one of them included moving to Indiana. That has always been our plan, but every time I think about it, I just can't see us doing that. I was going to write a whole pro and con list, but before I could do that we decided to try another option.

The option we are going to try is to rent our condo and buy a house here. There are tons of houses south of here- lots of brand new houses- that cost as much as our condo did. So that right there tells you something about the market here. Anyway, we are going to see if we can get a loan. If so, we will be house shopping! It won't be hard to rent our place out because we are super close to the University. So that is a huge plus even though I hate living in this area. So please wish us luck in getting another mortgage. I really hope we can. Otherwise, I'm not sure what we will do.

Monday, September 08, 2008

I survived the weekend!

Hubby was away at a snake convention. Well, a reptile convention if you want to get technical, but the part he likes is the snakes. I know I must have written about the snakes before. But did I write about how he was trying to breed them, and for a long time it was unsuccessful, but now we have baby snakes. Oh yay. I think there are 6. Maybe 7. Now, he says he will sell them. Then I won't mind quite as much because I made him promise we would use that money for the girls. But he has to get them to eat before he can sell them. So have they eaten? Of course not! So they sit in our house along with the 8 other full grown snakes. Did I mention our condo is only 1100 square feet? Or that I'm terrified of snakes? Luckily 4 of them I can't see. They in drawer type things.

Anyway, he was away at that convention and I had to take care of the girls alone. I was scared. But it was fine! Better than fine- it was great! I let myself actually relax instead of worrying about cleaning and running errands, which is what I normally do on the weekends. It was so nice to get to relax and just play with my girls. And it wasn't much different from when hubby is home since he is gone most of the time anyway.

As for work, I don't even want to talk about it. It is stressful and busy. So busy. But at least when I'm busy the day goes by fast.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

I have been so busy at work and at home. The thing about my work is that I either have 10 million things to do all at once, or nothing. I have not contacted the union yet. And I think I can only file a grievance against my boss. But there must be something I can do about a coworker. Oh, I think it was yesterday the co-worker and my boss met with me to go over some stuff. I can't remember how this came up, but the co-worker was talking about her husband taking some English class. He had to write a paper and she wanted to know what kind of paper.; Finally figured out it was a persuasive paper and she told him that he should write it on how unions have destroyed this country (or something to that effect). I know unions have their problems, and I don't always agree with them, but they do a lot of good! And really- you got a raise last year because of the union! SO I thought that was telling.

Anyway, enough work talk. I'd rather talk about my favorite things- my girls! They are 5 1/2 months. I cannot believe it. In a couple weeks they will be 6 months. Half of their first year will be over! That is so crazy. They are growing and changing daily. During the day, Maya has scooted, of course when hubby is not looking. And I have not witnessed this at all. It's scary to me that they will be moving around soon!

I'm trying to get them to say "mama" first. I know that "mama" "dada" and "baba" sounds all come first. Hubby I know is working with them during the day to say "dada" and I do my part with them in the evening to say "mama" We will see who wins ;) Watch, they will say "baba" first!

I put Maya in the exersaucer again. When I tried the first time, she was just too little. She is a good size for it now. It was so cute- there is a little console that makes noise and lights up when you press buttons. She was smiling and then hit a button and it made a noise and lit up. That really surprised her and she had this look of shock on her face! It was so funny. She really liked the exersaucer, but is so different with it than Sofia. Maya just likes to laugh and smile at everything- except when the noises surprised her!

Sofia is very intense in concentrating on that console when she is in the exersaucer. It's like she is studying it, trying to figure it out. She always has this look of concentration when she's playing in it.

I love how different they are and I am so lucky to get to see two grow up at once. I can't even get over what an awesome experience this is. I absolutely LOVE being a twin mommy! I can't imagine only having one. Sure, it might be easier, less work, but it is so great to watch both of them grow and change.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Thanks Sarah! :)

I had a few people read the email before I sent it, so I know it was fine. My boss emailed me, and it sounds like she pretty much agrees with me. I guess she is just not a good boss since she didn't stop it or DO anything about it. Anyway, I put it behind me for the weekend.

I had a good weekend! Went to a playgroup on Sat. and that was fun. I just love going to twin playgroups.

I think the girls are going through a growth spurt or something though! They are cranky and are fighting falling asleep. Sofia wants me to hold her all the time. I'll get her drowsy, set her down, and she starts screaming. So while it has been a good weekend, it has been a bit tough. Not to mention I think my paxil has stopped working. I'm feeling depressed again- yesterday for no reason. I didn't want to do anything. So I need to talk to my doctor.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Such a bad day.

I had the meeting with the two coworkers and the boss. It was awful. My boss really needs to step up and be a BOSS. It was basically an ambush. I thought we would have a professional, mature conversation. I was wrong. And because I did not think it would be a slew of attacks, I was not ready for it.

So the one I had the main issue with started, and she pretty much went off on me. First, she said my email was unprofessional and attacked her. I do not think the email was unprofessional at all. It was direct, yes, but not unprofessional. I nowhere in the email personally attacked her like she did to me today. She went on to say she didn't trust me and she questioned my work ethic. I took that personally. She doesn't even really know me, we've been working together (closely) for all of a week! I am one of the most hard working people you will meet. Literacy and education are my passion. She thought what I was saying- about her treating me as a subordinate- was incorrect. I know she still doesn't see it from my view. She did acknowledge she could be bossy.

I think probably the worst part- although the attack was bad- was my boss. She sat there and let this go on. That was not ok. Later, when both of the co-workers left the room the boss asked me if I expected it and said she was harsh and that they've had to tell her in the past to tone it down and that part of the problem at her school was the way she treats people. So why the hell didn't you DO anything?!? IT really amazed me that she let this continue. At one point I started to pack up my stuff to go. I should have just left. I should have said,m "I am leaving. This attack is uncalled for and highly unprofessional." But of course I was caught off guard and so I just sat there. And cried. UGH! I always start crying when I get really mad. I hate that! I so did not want to cry! I was trying to not cry, but damn, she was very harsh.

I'm going to send an email to my boss telling her that the co-worker will NOT talk to me like that again. I will be filing a grievance if she does do that again.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Oh I just saw the comment by anon. I had to laugh when I saw that! Do parents not teach their children their morals and values? I think so, so I do think it is appropriate to have them wear OBama onesies. Sorry, but McCain does NOT represent me or my values.

Anyway, the girl at work made me angry again today. So here is the email I sent to her and our boss:

Her Name,

There are a couple issues we need to address.

First, communication with Name of Principal will come through me. Having two of us communicating different things to him will not work. So, I will be the one setting up meetings and communicating about pd to him. Your responsibility will be the communication with Name of Principal at School1. I did not appreciate you setting up a meeting with Name of Principal before talking to me. I am in the process of setting up meetings with lots of different teachers at School2 and School3. In the future, because I will be doing the communication with Name of Principal, I will of course check with you before scheduling any meetings with the three of us.

In this and past emails you have used words to make it sound like I am your subordinate, when in fact, we are supposed to be working as a team. I do not work for you, I work with you. I need you to stop asking/telling me to do things you do not have time to do. For example, the Smart Board training, or setting aside materials for you. I appreciate the fact you wanted to go to the training, but I also have a very busy schedule and am not here to do things for you.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Had the meeting with the boss. It went pretty well. She ended up sending out an email stressing a couple of points. She also agreed with the responsibility list I had typed out. I typed it out so I had something clear as to what each of our responsibilities are. So, I am going to go in there, do MY job, and do it well. Also, my boss is letting the one girl take on what she is taking on, but when she drowns I will be there to help her out. That's fine with me. I know I'm doing a good job and that is all that matters.
I am going to try not to think about work too much when I get home. I don't need the stress and really, why should I stress? It's a job.

The girls are doing great! I love them so much. Again, I was looking at them and just in awe that we created them. It's still hard to believe I'm a mommy.

I just ordered Obama onesies for them! I don't put bumper stickers on my car, so couldn't do that. I thought about bibs, but they don't usually wear bibs when we are out. So I got onesies. I think they will be wearing them every time we go out from now until November ;)

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

It feels like it should be Friday, but it's only Tuesday.

That really sums up my week pretty good. IT is so frustrating working with people who want to be "in charge" and have all the power. Really, it is a team effort, not a power struggle. So They originally wanted me to do the demo lesson for English teachers. I was hesitant because I had not selected the text and I had not written the lesson plan. However then the boss emailed and said I should do the demo lesson for both English-Language Arts and Social Studies. I emailed my concerns but said I would do it. I only taught the English lesson though because apparently the one girl wanted to do the social studies.

I rewrote the lesson pretty much- it was an awful piece of text and I would never have selected it, but I worked with what I had. Monday came around and the girl did AWFUL on her lesson. It was so bad. Then, I kicked ass on my lesson. It was funny because one English teacher started to walk out, she didn't want to participate, but the girl talked her into staying. In the end she said she did get something out of it and seems willing to work with us! So I felt pretty good about that lesson.

Today, the one girl did both demo lessons. They were pretty bad. There were good parts, but there were major problems. I had thought it was decided that I would be working with English and Social Studies teachers, and she would be working with Math and Science. Well, she started the Social Studies session and kept saying "I" (meaning her) would be supporting them. LAter she was talking to a teacher saying how she could support her with whatever. So I confronted her. Said I was confused since I thought I was working with Social Studies teachers. She said to me: "Oh no, this school is MY school. Plus, there has been a lot of negativity so it would be better for me to work here only" I said that sometimes it helps when you have someone from outside come in (like what we are doing at my old school). Her reply was, "Oh this isn't about personality."
I replied, "I never said it had anything to do with personality."
I couldn't get into it too much more with her because I had to leave to get home so Hubby could go to work.

I have to say that twice now I have confirmed with the boss that I WOULD be working at "her" school. I was so furious. I emailed the boss asking if we could meet tomorrow, and we are. I'm just so sick of this.

And it is really difficult to have a super stressful day then come home and have to take care of my babies as well. I love taking care of them, but it is a lot since hubby is not here with me. It's almost like we are both single parents. I was talking to hubby about this today and I was saying how I wished we were rich and he could work during the day and we could take them to day care or have a nanny. He said he wouldn't change how it is! I thought that was nice, but it is still stressful. Actually, in a perfect world, one of us could stay home all the time.

Sofia has improved with solids! She is now opening her mouth when she sees the spoon and not spitting as much out! It is so cute. And what I love so much is when I get home from work, the moment she sees me, she gives me the HUGEST smile! She is really a mama's girl. Maya also usually smiles, but she is more a daddy's girl. I love them both so much. It is so fun watching them grow up. I keep thinking, oh I wonder what they will be like as they get older. IT's all so exciting. I just cannot believe I am a mommy! It's so wonderful.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

It's been a couple days, so I figured I'd update with the work drama. I did speak my mind about what I knew my job was going to be, and I also told them what they needed to add to that "plan" they created. It was funny because I said that they needed follow up in September, right after our August professional development. So the one girl acted like, well of course! And that she just didn't put it in there. But then she went on to say she was emailing it to principals. So I said, "If this is going to principals, it needs to have the September follow up on there." I think she was just mad I pointed out something she forgot. I did feel better after speaking my piece.

Today, we had the meeting with the boss and consultant who also works on the project. This is a very important year for the grant- basically make or break year. I really want this to succeed because it is the only grant out of 8 that were awarded that is NOT using scripted crap, and relies on good professional development and literacy coaches. So really, this is a very important project for education. So it is make or break year. I know the boss wants us to work together so we can combine our talents. The two girls have more experience with giving professional development than I do. I am really good at organizing and getting all the paperwork and data they need to document. I am also not confrontational and easy-going, which I think is a strength in my coaching. The other two are pretty much opposite.

So at first I got a little offended, but as I thought about this, I think there is nothing to be offended about. The boss said I would be making sure the paperwork got done- the other two would email me when they worked w/ people and I would document. I thought about this later and I'm going to tell the boss that I will come up with a template and email it to them, but they need to fill it out and email it back and I will make sure it gets in the notebook. I'm not going to fill that out FOR them. They are adults.

Then the boss said that they are high energy and I need to make sure at the pd next week I go and introduce myself to the teachers. Yeah, I'm not outgoing, but I know I needed to do that. I sort of took offense, but she is just making sure I do that. I tend to take things very personally and usually look for the negative first. But she wants me to be in charge of the paperwork because she knows I will get it done and it will be organized and all that.

I'm hoping the year will get better, and I think it will. It's just very draining being at these meetings all day every day right now. Once I get to my site and get settled in and working with teachers, it will be better. It has to.

The girls are great! I miss them terribly, but Hubby is having a good time with them.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

OH yes, that picture was fresh from the salon! I was convinced I could get it to look exactly the same because really, she made it look so easy. Well, I have not been able to duplicate it exactly. I hate that. I can get it close, but not as smooth. Oh well.

So I think this blog may turn in to a frustrations about work and also about parenting twins blog. I really don't see any way around it since I am back at work and alread I am so frustrated with co-workers. So I will have my work vent now, because I really need to vent about it.

Background: I am a literacy coach in middle schools and work with a specific program. There are other coaches at other schools. This year me and two others will be working at 3 middle schools together. We will be working with the content area teachers to integrate literacy strategies into their teaching. I am the ONLY coach of the three that has a literacy background- and I have a strong literacy background. I just completed the Reading Specialist Credential program.The other two have a background in science.

Last week, they called me and wanted to meet the next day. Um, no. I have twins and can't just meet on short notice. So, we were supposed to meet Monday during lunch. That didn't happen because one had an errand to run. Today, we couldn't meet because the other one forgot her computer. Meanwhile I have picked up on the fact that they have planned a pd (professional development) for next Monday and Tuesday. They have not really told me this directly. And I have no idea what they have planned. Then one, we'll call her "A," wanted me to email her some names of teachers at my middle school who might like to attend. I do that and then she tells me she also went ahead and emailed the intervention class teacher (who I have worked with very closely). Well, she sent me a copy of this email and I am highly offended! She put in there that the content area pd has not happened at all- basically making me sound incompetent. So that's my first problem. Oh, and the way she wrote it makes it sound like she is coming in to save the day or that she is over me. No, we are equals and are supposed to be collaborating.

So then today they give me a schedule they have made of content area pd and follow up. I have major problems with it! First of all, the follow up is no close enough to the pd dates and there is not enough follow up! Not to mention I was never asked for my input. Already the pd for next week ends much later than I can stay. I will NOT follow this plan because it is ineffective and I'm not going to do that.

I was going to go ahead and email the boss, but I have decided that I will first talk to these people and see what comes of it. I am going to tell them I am disappointed they didn't get my input and I will share my concerns about the schedule. I suspect they won't really care and then I will talk to the boss.

This is going to be a long year.


On a different note- the girls are doing great! We had to go get 2 shots today though. I swear, each month it gets harder and they cry louder. I hate it! Hubby is really good at taking care of them during the day. He even straightens up, makes the bed, and I even think he folded his laundry yesterday! He gets more done than I usually do! I wish he could stay home all the time.

Monday, August 18, 2008

First Day Back to Work

Today was my first day back to work. It was a little easier since Hubby is taking care of the girls during the day, but it was still very hard. I did not want to leave to go to work! On my way out the door, I started crying. I didn't know I was going to cry- I hadn't even thought about it, so it took me by surprise. It was a lot harder than I thought. It was also difficult because I am attending professional development this week so today was mostly just sitting and listening. It's hard to go from being active with the babies to doing nothing but sitting and listening. And thinking about your babies!

I called hubby a couple times and everything went great for him. The girls got a little fussy in the afternoon and they didn't really take their afternoon nap, so they were very fussy for me. I did get them down to sleep early, but they are still stirring and crying a little here and there.

I can't believe how much I missed them! It was the best coming home and seeing Sofia give me this HUGE smile! It melted my heart. I wish I could stay at home or at least just work part time. That would be nice.

It was strange going back because part of me liked the adult interaction, and I really do like what I do, so that part was nice, but another large part of me just wanted to go home and cuddle with my girls. It was a strange feeling for me since I am a first time mom. I imagine most first time moms feel something like this, if they like their job. I think I'll be able to find a good balance, but it is just a strange feeling. It's almost like there are two of me now. The "mom" me, and the "education" me. I guess before the girls it was just the "work" me. Once I find a good balance I think it will be good, but it is very hard right now. I can't believe how much I missed them!


I also fed the girls sweet potatoes today. Sofia did better with them. She seemed to like them! She did push some out, but then would suck on the spoon. Maya ate it up, though she looked a little confused at the taste.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I got my hair done today! Had to get it all chopped off, it was bugging me. I also finally got a picture of me w/ the girls. Well, there have been a couple others but they were awful pictures. This one is better since my hair is done.


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Thanks for the comments :) Yes, I am SO glad I am through that fussy period, That was really the worst.

As for the schedule thing, they do need to stay on their schedule, otherwise they get cranky. I do keep the tv on and everything and I don't make it super quiet, but they do need their naps. Other wise all hell breaks loose! But I will just let DH learn. I will just have to breathe through it ;)

Ok, so we started cereal the other day! Maya LOVED it! She kept sucking it down and didn't spit any out. Sofia, was not so sure about it. I think it was the texture. I have a feeling her personality is going to be just like mine. I have a texture issue with food too. So at first she wasn't sure what to do, then she had a look of disgust on her face. And I don't blame her. That stuff is nasty. Then, she just clamped her mouth shut. Very funny! Yesterday I tried again, and Sofia let a little more in, but still didn't like it. I also made it a little thicker. Maya still liked it.

Oh, on a side note, Sofia has slept through the night for the last two nights!!!! I might try to see if Maya will also sleep through.

Here are the pictures from their first rice cereal feeding:
Sofia, "What IS this?!?"

Maya, "Yum, yum!"

Monday, August 11, 2008

Just a vent...

I have to vent. About DH. Everything has been going ok, then yesterday wasn't the greatest. First, I will say that my personality is a little bit like Kate's from Jon and Kate Plus 8. I'm not quite as extreme as she is, but sometimes I do get that tone in my voice. This has been an issue with DH and I. So we made the agreement that if I had that tone, he would tell me nicely. So yesterday, twice he tells me. Both times I play what I said over in my head, and no, I did not have that tone. I know sometimes I don't know I am doing it, and that is usually when I'm stressed and need to get something done. But yesterday I was not stressed out, and there was no tone to my voice. So that just made me mad. It was like he was using that as an excuse. However, I think the way I handled wasn't the best either. I think I can handle it better next time.

The other issue is that I'm getting really stressed about next week when I go back to work. I am so afraid that the girls are going to get off schedule and then when I get home they will be super fussy and I will be left to deal with it. Yesterday, I put the girls down for a nap and then went to the store. I wasn't gone for too long and when I got back, both were awake, and Sofia was fussy. I tried to give DH tips for what to do when that happened, but he didn't want to hear. I made sure I said it nicely too, but he just got mad at me. That frustrates me soooo much because I have been with them 24 hours a day fr the last 5 months. I know what to do in certain situations and it took awhile to figure things out. I am only trying to help. I could see him getting mad if I was telling him in a way that put him down, but I made sure not to. However, I think he still took it in that way. But then when I leave him totally alone and don't say anything, he gets frustrated and wants me to take over. So I'm just so worried that there will be a meltdown and he will get frustrated and do nothing. Then I will be left with 2 fussy babies.

Then, I asked DH if he could finish loading the dishwasher so I could go to bed. He said sure. There wasn't even that many dishes. Well, I woke up this morning and it wasn't done. This is at least the second time that has happened. I am so frustrated because I've been doing everything. And when I go back to work, that CANNOT happen. We BOTH will be working full time and taking care of the girls. We BOTH will need to do equal amounts of housework. I'm afraid that isn't going to happen. I am looking into getting a housekeeper, but we will need to do daily cleaning as well. DH is so addicted to the internet right now. And I admit, I was too. But I quickly realized that things work better if I just let it go and take care of the girls' needs and not worry about what is going on in internet land. I get on the internet when I have a few spare minutes. DH isn't at that point yet, and it scares me.

I also feel like *I* am the one who has to change everything, and DH thinks he doesn't have to change at all. Lie I'm the only one doing something wrong. And that's not the case. We BOTH have to work at this. And I have been. I haven't seen him working at it though. I'm just really fed up and tired of it. I do know that a lot of MoMs have relationship trouble the first year, but I wish it would get better sooner.

I would love to go to counseling, but we have nobody to watch the girls. I guess we could find someone. Of course, that makes me nervous- leaving them with a stranger- but it would be worth it.

I fed the girls rice cereal yesterday. I will update later with that and I even have pics!

Saturday, August 09, 2008

It's been a busy week! Hubby had jury duty for 3 days. That was nice because he was home every evening! We went to the outlet mall so I could go to Carter's and Osh Kosh. Did you know Osh Kosh has a twin discount? I was so happy! I bought a ton of clothes for fall/winter. I bought mostly 9 month size, so I hope they fit in a few months. I guess if they are a little big it's no big deal. Hubby came with me and we went one day after jury duty, so it interfered with the girls' bedtime. I knew they weren't going to be happy, but I didn't know when else I would get to go. I hate shopping with Hubby. I just want him to be like my girlfriends when we are shopping, and he can't be. So next time he will stay home and I will find a friend to go with!

Here are the outfits:
This is the only matching thing I got and I only got it matching because they had no other color. And when I shrank it, it turned out weird. It is navy gingham


This also turned out weird when I shrank it. It is horizontal stripes