Wednesday, January 28, 2009

YAY! There was a short (very short) piece on the news right now about how it is unethical to go ahead with the IUI cycle when you have that many follies!! FINALLY someone is reporting on the risks! The news anchor was surprised to find out that the doctor can tell about how many follies will be released. I hope more stories like this come out.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Of course you know I have to comment about the octuplets born today. I was not happy when I heard that news this morning. It just bothers me because in stories about Higher Order Multiples (HOM)they never talk about the real dangers and the real problems these kids face. The public always thinks it is a "miracle" when HOM are born. In a way it is. When they are all born alive and doing fairly well- yes, that is a miracle. Not a miracle someone could conceive that many, but usually an irresponsible RE when there are more than 4! I say more than four because it is possible to have two sets of identicals- which is not the fault of any RE.
It just makes me sad that I know these kids will likely have plenty of problems later on, if not now.

I thought I had a lot more to write about this, but I guess I don't. I just annoyed that the public only sees one side, and it is not reality.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Thanks everyone :)

We should get counseling, but not sure when we have time to do it right now.

So last night, he told me something that had happened this week with his family. I think this added to his stress, but instead of talking to me about it, again, he bottled it up. I think maybe even if he got counseling separate from me, that would even help. I already go to counseling- and I think everyone should do that!

To the first person who commented, I do recognize my part in this and I mentioned it in my last post. And it was very much a vent, so yeah, I didn't say that much about my part in it. But honestly, I am sick and tired of getting blamed. Of course I have a part in it, but I'm also trying.

We will get through this, I know. We love each other, but we have plenty of work to do.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Just to warn you ahead of time, this is a vent. A vent about DH. I don't really think I want advice or anything, I just need to vent.

It has been pretty tough with DH. Things would get better for awhile, then worse. With the move, came worse times. We are both working full time and DH works overtime on Saturdays. I've been working a little overtime too- not too much though. Between that and taking care of the girls, we never see each other and it is stressful.

The first rough time came with the move. After we got everything moved to the new house, he felt like I was doing nothing. Truth was, I was taking care of the girls at night. I unpacked as much as I could- as much as the girls would allow. And of course, being in a new place, they were pretty fussy. So we had a big blow out and I thought he understood that when I get home I have almost no time until after the girls go to bed at 6. Or 6:30 or later if they are fussy. Then I eat dinner, have about an hour if I'm lucky and fall asleep. Can't forget the middle of the night wakings! I have to deal with those as well.

So I thought we had things worked out, I was really trying to be nicer, and really trying. Well, today was crap! He had the nerve to ask me if he could purchase supplies to build his lizard a new enclosure and put it in the garage! Remember, he already has tons of snakes- which I am deathly afraid of. We have had a million conversations and the deal was he would get 1 room for his snakes. Well, right before we moved, before the house closed, he wanted a lizard. When he said "lizard" I thought he meant little. Lizard. Like a gecko or something. He brought it home and it was a monitor. Yep, smart on his part for not saying "Monitor lizard" because he knew I knew what those were. Anyway, it was going to be fine because it was going in the snake room.

Except that didn't work out because the lizard got sick. Of course it got sick because he bought it from the reptile shop he said he'd never shop at again- because the last thing he got from them was also sick. So, this lizard is in the guest bedroom. It has gone to the vet twince. Bye-Bye $50 that we need. Never mind that I have no clothes. Never mind that the girls need new clothes. So he found out he needed to put top soil in the cage. The first kind he bought stunk. And I mean REALLY stunk. Even with the door closed! He bought a new kind, which also smells, but not as bad. But it still sticks.

So today he has the nerve to ask to buy stuff- and remember we literally have NO money- to build this thing a new enclosure. I guess he thought I would like it in the garage, but no! This was not the deal! I am SO sick of it because it is always something else. He always says, "This is it! No more cages, no more supplies" and I buy it. A couple months later he has to buy more stuff for the stinking reptiles.

I don't care about the snakes- they are in that room, I don't see them, I have given up on that. But there is always something else. And it is like he has no respect for ME. Does he ever do anything nice for me? Does he ever say, oh go out and do something nice for yourself. I'll take the girls. Nope. Does he ever randomly get me some gift- nothing fancy, doesn't even have to cost anything! A nice note would be nice. But no. I seem to be last on his list. And I am sick of it.

After I got mad about the lizard- and I was pissed. I asked if he hed the girls. No, he hadn't. And it was 3:00. He doesn't quite like to stick to the schedule as much. Well, because I was mad I told him to feed them. No, I wasn't that nice because I was mad. Well, that just made him mad. According to him, I am ALWAYS mean to him. My tone is always bad. Sure, I admit, sometimes I am very matter of fact- especially when things need to get done. It's not that I'm trying to be mean, it just needs to get done.

What is really funny is that he doesn't like to be told what to do, but if I don't say anything, he complains that he didn't know what to do! I can't win! Also, awhile ago we had the agreement that when I got "that tone" he would NICELY tell me I ws doing that. He never did. He prefers to just get mad at me.

The other thing that really infuriates me is that he won't talk to me. We were mad at each other today and he just starts ignoring me. I CAN'T STAND THAT! At least talk to me. Finally he told me not to talk to me. No, actually, he told me to shut up. Nice. So, he never talks to me about any problems we have, and then he goes and blows up at me and then ignores me. Real healthy. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I have TRIED. He only sees things from his perspective and he is always the one who has been wronged. He can never see how he hurts ME.

I hate to say it, but he reminds me of my dad. I don't think I've ever talked about him on here, but I did not have a good relationship at all with him. And even though I know they always say you find someone like your dad, or if you have alcoholic parents (which I did) you tend to find alcoholics or other people with something wrong with them. And yeah, that seems to be true. Granted, DH is not at all as bad as my dad. Usually, DH is great! But this problem we have is really getting to me. We need to fix it. And he just doesn't want to seem to. I'm not even sure how to fix it, but it needs to be fixed.

I'm willing to see my faults and try to correct them. He needs to do the same.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

We have TEETH!!!!!

I have been waiting, and waiting for the teeth to appear. I thought for sure around 6 or 7 months they were teething. I'm sure I blogged about it. Sofia was waking up screaming and only a cold paci would soothe her. And she was drooling SO much. Well, months later, and still no teeth! I was beginning to think they would never have teeth! Today I decided to feel their gums again, and I felt a sharp pointy thing in Sofia's mouth! Of course, I was so excited that I also had to try Maya's mouth. And this was really a feat. She does everything she can to NOT let my finger in her mouth. But I prevailed! Sure enough, Maya also had a sharp pointy thing! What is really interesting is that Sofia's tooth is on her bottom right hand side. Maya's tooth is on her bottom left hand side.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Just a quick update. I have been so busy between unpacking, working, and taking care of the girls!
The girls are 10 months! I can't believe it! They are doing so well, and are so fun.

The house is coming along. We are slowly unpacking. Today we are going to clean the condo and show it to possible renters. I hope we find someone!

Work is work. I may go back into the classroom next year. I'm not sure. I do like the flexibility of this job, but I can't stand the people I have to work with all the time. I will wait and see what jobs are available, but I may have to stay put. I can deal for one more year. I think.

Someday I will post more pictures. I can't find my little point and shoot. I hope I find it soon!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I live in CA. I would love to lobby Congress, but yeah, I think I'd rather raise me girls ;)

Making progress on the unpacking! Kitchen is done (thanks Hubby!) and the girls room is almost completely done! Most of the boxes are unpacked. So nice.

The girls' room in the new house is much smaller than their old room. So, we had to put the cribs right next to each other, but now they are closer to each other, which is nice. So I put them in their cribs, hoping they would play, but expecting them to start crying for me. Well, they actually played nicely for a very long time! I think it helped being next to each other. It was very cute watching them "play" and "talk" together.

Sofia is trying soooooo hard to stand up! She desperately wants to, but can't get herself up past her knees yet. Did I mention she also started really crawling? About a week ago, all of a sudden, she started regular crawling!

I really can't believe in 1 week they will be 10 months. I know, I say this every month, but it goes by so fast. It really does.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

I Hate Insurance Companies.

Remember a while back when I posted that I got notice in my pay stub that fertility treatments would no longer be covered? I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Not because I might want to get pregnant again someday, but I thought about all the hundreds of women, and men, out there who would now have to pay out of pocket, and some will likely not be able to afford that. What I didn't realize was that I would hear about this!

A friend of mine, who went to the same clinic as I did, and had her baby (singleton) on the same day as me, did not get notification of this change because she is on a year leave. She did not find out until she went to the RE to discuss her next cycle. Of course she was mad, and has tried everything to get it covered, to no avail. Luckily, I think she will be able to afford at least a couple cycles. But once again it brought to the forefront of my mind how many people will not be able to fulfill their dream of having children. It pisses me off! I'd really like to do something about it. I guess I can continue to blog about situations like this, but most likely I am preaching to the choir here. I will continue to also talk freely about my infertility struggles. Occasionally, I won't feel like going through the whole explanation, but I should. Perhaps it will educate just a few more people.

Monday, January 05, 2009

I wanted to check in and give everyone an update. We have moved into our house! Hardly anything is unpacked, but we are here and have been for a few days. You might be wondering why nothing is unpacked. Well, I figured moving would be more difficult with twins, but I did not realize just how difficult it would be! Last week, the first part of the week- actually from the day after Christmas to New Year's Eve- Hubby was busy painting 2 bedrooms and the entire downstairs. He also tiled the laundry room and the kitchen. I didn't start packing until last Tuesday since I wasn't sure when he would finish. Of course, after the girls went to bed and I started packing, inevitably, one would wake up screaming, demanding my attention. It was challenging to get anything packed.

Thankfully, on the day of the move a couple friends came over and helped us pack and move. I forgot to mention that right after Christmas the girls got sick. Sofia caught a cold first. But it was strange, because she would wake up in the middle of the night screaming. She wasn't hungry or anything- just didn't feel good! She was also super fussy during the day. So packing, and then unpacking in the new house has been a challenge! Things are slowly coming together now. Slowly.

I love the house! I am still amazed that we actually have a house! It's great! I love this neighborhood. It is so diverse, has all (almost) the shops I shop at in one location, has great schools, and some of my twin mommy friends live here!