Friday, August 29, 2008

Such a bad day.

I had the meeting with the two coworkers and the boss. It was awful. My boss really needs to step up and be a BOSS. It was basically an ambush. I thought we would have a professional, mature conversation. I was wrong. And because I did not think it would be a slew of attacks, I was not ready for it.

So the one I had the main issue with started, and she pretty much went off on me. First, she said my email was unprofessional and attacked her. I do not think the email was unprofessional at all. It was direct, yes, but not unprofessional. I nowhere in the email personally attacked her like she did to me today. She went on to say she didn't trust me and she questioned my work ethic. I took that personally. She doesn't even really know me, we've been working together (closely) for all of a week! I am one of the most hard working people you will meet. Literacy and education are my passion. She thought what I was saying- about her treating me as a subordinate- was incorrect. I know she still doesn't see it from my view. She did acknowledge she could be bossy.

I think probably the worst part- although the attack was bad- was my boss. She sat there and let this go on. That was not ok. Later, when both of the co-workers left the room the boss asked me if I expected it and said she was harsh and that they've had to tell her in the past to tone it down and that part of the problem at her school was the way she treats people. So why the hell didn't you DO anything?!? IT really amazed me that she let this continue. At one point I started to pack up my stuff to go. I should have just left. I should have said,m "I am leaving. This attack is uncalled for and highly unprofessional." But of course I was caught off guard and so I just sat there. And cried. UGH! I always start crying when I get really mad. I hate that! I so did not want to cry! I was trying to not cry, but damn, she was very harsh.

I'm going to send an email to my boss telling her that the co-worker will NOT talk to me like that again. I will be filing a grievance if she does do that again.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Oh I just saw the comment by anon. I had to laugh when I saw that! Do parents not teach their children their morals and values? I think so, so I do think it is appropriate to have them wear OBama onesies. Sorry, but McCain does NOT represent me or my values.

Anyway, the girl at work made me angry again today. So here is the email I sent to her and our boss:

Her Name,

There are a couple issues we need to address.

First, communication with Name of Principal will come through me. Having two of us communicating different things to him will not work. So, I will be the one setting up meetings and communicating about pd to him. Your responsibility will be the communication with Name of Principal at School1. I did not appreciate you setting up a meeting with Name of Principal before talking to me. I am in the process of setting up meetings with lots of different teachers at School2 and School3. In the future, because I will be doing the communication with Name of Principal, I will of course check with you before scheduling any meetings with the three of us.

In this and past emails you have used words to make it sound like I am your subordinate, when in fact, we are supposed to be working as a team. I do not work for you, I work with you. I need you to stop asking/telling me to do things you do not have time to do. For example, the Smart Board training, or setting aside materials for you. I appreciate the fact you wanted to go to the training, but I also have a very busy schedule and am not here to do things for you.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Had the meeting with the boss. It went pretty well. She ended up sending out an email stressing a couple of points. She also agreed with the responsibility list I had typed out. I typed it out so I had something clear as to what each of our responsibilities are. So, I am going to go in there, do MY job, and do it well. Also, my boss is letting the one girl take on what she is taking on, but when she drowns I will be there to help her out. That's fine with me. I know I'm doing a good job and that is all that matters.
I am going to try not to think about work too much when I get home. I don't need the stress and really, why should I stress? It's a job.

The girls are doing great! I love them so much. Again, I was looking at them and just in awe that we created them. It's still hard to believe I'm a mommy.

I just ordered Obama onesies for them! I don't put bumper stickers on my car, so couldn't do that. I thought about bibs, but they don't usually wear bibs when we are out. So I got onesies. I think they will be wearing them every time we go out from now until November ;)

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

It feels like it should be Friday, but it's only Tuesday.

That really sums up my week pretty good. IT is so frustrating working with people who want to be "in charge" and have all the power. Really, it is a team effort, not a power struggle. So They originally wanted me to do the demo lesson for English teachers. I was hesitant because I had not selected the text and I had not written the lesson plan. However then the boss emailed and said I should do the demo lesson for both English-Language Arts and Social Studies. I emailed my concerns but said I would do it. I only taught the English lesson though because apparently the one girl wanted to do the social studies.

I rewrote the lesson pretty much- it was an awful piece of text and I would never have selected it, but I worked with what I had. Monday came around and the girl did AWFUL on her lesson. It was so bad. Then, I kicked ass on my lesson. It was funny because one English teacher started to walk out, she didn't want to participate, but the girl talked her into staying. In the end she said she did get something out of it and seems willing to work with us! So I felt pretty good about that lesson.

Today, the one girl did both demo lessons. They were pretty bad. There were good parts, but there were major problems. I had thought it was decided that I would be working with English and Social Studies teachers, and she would be working with Math and Science. Well, she started the Social Studies session and kept saying "I" (meaning her) would be supporting them. LAter she was talking to a teacher saying how she could support her with whatever. So I confronted her. Said I was confused since I thought I was working with Social Studies teachers. She said to me: "Oh no, this school is MY school. Plus, there has been a lot of negativity so it would be better for me to work here only" I said that sometimes it helps when you have someone from outside come in (like what we are doing at my old school). Her reply was, "Oh this isn't about personality."
I replied, "I never said it had anything to do with personality."
I couldn't get into it too much more with her because I had to leave to get home so Hubby could go to work.

I have to say that twice now I have confirmed with the boss that I WOULD be working at "her" school. I was so furious. I emailed the boss asking if we could meet tomorrow, and we are. I'm just so sick of this.

And it is really difficult to have a super stressful day then come home and have to take care of my babies as well. I love taking care of them, but it is a lot since hubby is not here with me. It's almost like we are both single parents. I was talking to hubby about this today and I was saying how I wished we were rich and he could work during the day and we could take them to day care or have a nanny. He said he wouldn't change how it is! I thought that was nice, but it is still stressful. Actually, in a perfect world, one of us could stay home all the time.

Sofia has improved with solids! She is now opening her mouth when she sees the spoon and not spitting as much out! It is so cute. And what I love so much is when I get home from work, the moment she sees me, she gives me the HUGEST smile! She is really a mama's girl. Maya also usually smiles, but she is more a daddy's girl. I love them both so much. It is so fun watching them grow up. I keep thinking, oh I wonder what they will be like as they get older. IT's all so exciting. I just cannot believe I am a mommy! It's so wonderful.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

It's been a couple days, so I figured I'd update with the work drama. I did speak my mind about what I knew my job was going to be, and I also told them what they needed to add to that "plan" they created. It was funny because I said that they needed follow up in September, right after our August professional development. So the one girl acted like, well of course! And that she just didn't put it in there. But then she went on to say she was emailing it to principals. So I said, "If this is going to principals, it needs to have the September follow up on there." I think she was just mad I pointed out something she forgot. I did feel better after speaking my piece.

Today, we had the meeting with the boss and consultant who also works on the project. This is a very important year for the grant- basically make or break year. I really want this to succeed because it is the only grant out of 8 that were awarded that is NOT using scripted crap, and relies on good professional development and literacy coaches. So really, this is a very important project for education. So it is make or break year. I know the boss wants us to work together so we can combine our talents. The two girls have more experience with giving professional development than I do. I am really good at organizing and getting all the paperwork and data they need to document. I am also not confrontational and easy-going, which I think is a strength in my coaching. The other two are pretty much opposite.

So at first I got a little offended, but as I thought about this, I think there is nothing to be offended about. The boss said I would be making sure the paperwork got done- the other two would email me when they worked w/ people and I would document. I thought about this later and I'm going to tell the boss that I will come up with a template and email it to them, but they need to fill it out and email it back and I will make sure it gets in the notebook. I'm not going to fill that out FOR them. They are adults.

Then the boss said that they are high energy and I need to make sure at the pd next week I go and introduce myself to the teachers. Yeah, I'm not outgoing, but I know I needed to do that. I sort of took offense, but she is just making sure I do that. I tend to take things very personally and usually look for the negative first. But she wants me to be in charge of the paperwork because she knows I will get it done and it will be organized and all that.

I'm hoping the year will get better, and I think it will. It's just very draining being at these meetings all day every day right now. Once I get to my site and get settled in and working with teachers, it will be better. It has to.

The girls are great! I miss them terribly, but Hubby is having a good time with them.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

OH yes, that picture was fresh from the salon! I was convinced I could get it to look exactly the same because really, she made it look so easy. Well, I have not been able to duplicate it exactly. I hate that. I can get it close, but not as smooth. Oh well.

So I think this blog may turn in to a frustrations about work and also about parenting twins blog. I really don't see any way around it since I am back at work and alread I am so frustrated with co-workers. So I will have my work vent now, because I really need to vent about it.

Background: I am a literacy coach in middle schools and work with a specific program. There are other coaches at other schools. This year me and two others will be working at 3 middle schools together. We will be working with the content area teachers to integrate literacy strategies into their teaching. I am the ONLY coach of the three that has a literacy background- and I have a strong literacy background. I just completed the Reading Specialist Credential program.The other two have a background in science.

Last week, they called me and wanted to meet the next day. Um, no. I have twins and can't just meet on short notice. So, we were supposed to meet Monday during lunch. That didn't happen because one had an errand to run. Today, we couldn't meet because the other one forgot her computer. Meanwhile I have picked up on the fact that they have planned a pd (professional development) for next Monday and Tuesday. They have not really told me this directly. And I have no idea what they have planned. Then one, we'll call her "A," wanted me to email her some names of teachers at my middle school who might like to attend. I do that and then she tells me she also went ahead and emailed the intervention class teacher (who I have worked with very closely). Well, she sent me a copy of this email and I am highly offended! She put in there that the content area pd has not happened at all- basically making me sound incompetent. So that's my first problem. Oh, and the way she wrote it makes it sound like she is coming in to save the day or that she is over me. No, we are equals and are supposed to be collaborating.

So then today they give me a schedule they have made of content area pd and follow up. I have major problems with it! First of all, the follow up is no close enough to the pd dates and there is not enough follow up! Not to mention I was never asked for my input. Already the pd for next week ends much later than I can stay. I will NOT follow this plan because it is ineffective and I'm not going to do that.

I was going to go ahead and email the boss, but I have decided that I will first talk to these people and see what comes of it. I am going to tell them I am disappointed they didn't get my input and I will share my concerns about the schedule. I suspect they won't really care and then I will talk to the boss.

This is going to be a long year.


On a different note- the girls are doing great! We had to go get 2 shots today though. I swear, each month it gets harder and they cry louder. I hate it! Hubby is really good at taking care of them during the day. He even straightens up, makes the bed, and I even think he folded his laundry yesterday! He gets more done than I usually do! I wish he could stay home all the time.

Monday, August 18, 2008

First Day Back to Work

Today was my first day back to work. It was a little easier since Hubby is taking care of the girls during the day, but it was still very hard. I did not want to leave to go to work! On my way out the door, I started crying. I didn't know I was going to cry- I hadn't even thought about it, so it took me by surprise. It was a lot harder than I thought. It was also difficult because I am attending professional development this week so today was mostly just sitting and listening. It's hard to go from being active with the babies to doing nothing but sitting and listening. And thinking about your babies!

I called hubby a couple times and everything went great for him. The girls got a little fussy in the afternoon and they didn't really take their afternoon nap, so they were very fussy for me. I did get them down to sleep early, but they are still stirring and crying a little here and there.

I can't believe how much I missed them! It was the best coming home and seeing Sofia give me this HUGE smile! It melted my heart. I wish I could stay at home or at least just work part time. That would be nice.

It was strange going back because part of me liked the adult interaction, and I really do like what I do, so that part was nice, but another large part of me just wanted to go home and cuddle with my girls. It was a strange feeling for me since I am a first time mom. I imagine most first time moms feel something like this, if they like their job. I think I'll be able to find a good balance, but it is just a strange feeling. It's almost like there are two of me now. The "mom" me, and the "education" me. I guess before the girls it was just the "work" me. Once I find a good balance I think it will be good, but it is very hard right now. I can't believe how much I missed them!


I also fed the girls sweet potatoes today. Sofia did better with them. She seemed to like them! She did push some out, but then would suck on the spoon. Maya ate it up, though she looked a little confused at the taste.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I got my hair done today! Had to get it all chopped off, it was bugging me. I also finally got a picture of me w/ the girls. Well, there have been a couple others but they were awful pictures. This one is better since my hair is done.


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Thanks for the comments :) Yes, I am SO glad I am through that fussy period, That was really the worst.

As for the schedule thing, they do need to stay on their schedule, otherwise they get cranky. I do keep the tv on and everything and I don't make it super quiet, but they do need their naps. Other wise all hell breaks loose! But I will just let DH learn. I will just have to breathe through it ;)

Ok, so we started cereal the other day! Maya LOVED it! She kept sucking it down and didn't spit any out. Sofia, was not so sure about it. I think it was the texture. I have a feeling her personality is going to be just like mine. I have a texture issue with food too. So at first she wasn't sure what to do, then she had a look of disgust on her face. And I don't blame her. That stuff is nasty. Then, she just clamped her mouth shut. Very funny! Yesterday I tried again, and Sofia let a little more in, but still didn't like it. I also made it a little thicker. Maya still liked it.

Oh, on a side note, Sofia has slept through the night for the last two nights!!!! I might try to see if Maya will also sleep through.

Here are the pictures from their first rice cereal feeding:
Sofia, "What IS this?!?"

Maya, "Yum, yum!"

Monday, August 11, 2008

Just a vent...

I have to vent. About DH. Everything has been going ok, then yesterday wasn't the greatest. First, I will say that my personality is a little bit like Kate's from Jon and Kate Plus 8. I'm not quite as extreme as she is, but sometimes I do get that tone in my voice. This has been an issue with DH and I. So we made the agreement that if I had that tone, he would tell me nicely. So yesterday, twice he tells me. Both times I play what I said over in my head, and no, I did not have that tone. I know sometimes I don't know I am doing it, and that is usually when I'm stressed and need to get something done. But yesterday I was not stressed out, and there was no tone to my voice. So that just made me mad. It was like he was using that as an excuse. However, I think the way I handled wasn't the best either. I think I can handle it better next time.

The other issue is that I'm getting really stressed about next week when I go back to work. I am so afraid that the girls are going to get off schedule and then when I get home they will be super fussy and I will be left to deal with it. Yesterday, I put the girls down for a nap and then went to the store. I wasn't gone for too long and when I got back, both were awake, and Sofia was fussy. I tried to give DH tips for what to do when that happened, but he didn't want to hear. I made sure I said it nicely too, but he just got mad at me. That frustrates me soooo much because I have been with them 24 hours a day fr the last 5 months. I know what to do in certain situations and it took awhile to figure things out. I am only trying to help. I could see him getting mad if I was telling him in a way that put him down, but I made sure not to. However, I think he still took it in that way. But then when I leave him totally alone and don't say anything, he gets frustrated and wants me to take over. So I'm just so worried that there will be a meltdown and he will get frustrated and do nothing. Then I will be left with 2 fussy babies.

Then, I asked DH if he could finish loading the dishwasher so I could go to bed. He said sure. There wasn't even that many dishes. Well, I woke up this morning and it wasn't done. This is at least the second time that has happened. I am so frustrated because I've been doing everything. And when I go back to work, that CANNOT happen. We BOTH will be working full time and taking care of the girls. We BOTH will need to do equal amounts of housework. I'm afraid that isn't going to happen. I am looking into getting a housekeeper, but we will need to do daily cleaning as well. DH is so addicted to the internet right now. And I admit, I was too. But I quickly realized that things work better if I just let it go and take care of the girls' needs and not worry about what is going on in internet land. I get on the internet when I have a few spare minutes. DH isn't at that point yet, and it scares me.

I also feel like *I* am the one who has to change everything, and DH thinks he doesn't have to change at all. Lie I'm the only one doing something wrong. And that's not the case. We BOTH have to work at this. And I have been. I haven't seen him working at it though. I'm just really fed up and tired of it. I do know that a lot of MoMs have relationship trouble the first year, but I wish it would get better sooner.

I would love to go to counseling, but we have nobody to watch the girls. I guess we could find someone. Of course, that makes me nervous- leaving them with a stranger- but it would be worth it.

I fed the girls rice cereal yesterday. I will update later with that and I even have pics!

Saturday, August 09, 2008

It's been a busy week! Hubby had jury duty for 3 days. That was nice because he was home every evening! We went to the outlet mall so I could go to Carter's and Osh Kosh. Did you know Osh Kosh has a twin discount? I was so happy! I bought a ton of clothes for fall/winter. I bought mostly 9 month size, so I hope they fit in a few months. I guess if they are a little big it's no big deal. Hubby came with me and we went one day after jury duty, so it interfered with the girls' bedtime. I knew they weren't going to be happy, but I didn't know when else I would get to go. I hate shopping with Hubby. I just want him to be like my girlfriends when we are shopping, and he can't be. So next time he will stay home and I will find a friend to go with!

Here are the outfits:
This is the only matching thing I got and I only got it matching because they had no other color. And when I shrank it, it turned out weird. It is navy gingham


This also turned out weird when I shrank it. It is horizontal stripes

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

I've been getting along better with moms of twins lately. I think it is because they totally understand about the scheduling thing. It really is different from having a singleton. I think we MoMs (Mom of Multiples) are more conscious of a schedule because if they get off, or miss a nap, you have two grumpy babies and that is NOT fun!

My friend is getting married. She has 2 kids, but they are 10 and 7. So it has been awhile since she had a baby. She wanted to go dress shopping with me, and I appreciated that she asked what day and what time would be best for me. I told her either Tuesday or Wednesday at 11 am. Then, I didn't hear from her. It was making me nervous since I need to plan things out if I go anywhere. So I emailed her Monday and she let me know we were going Tuesday. I was a little annoyed she hadn't told me sooner, but it was fine, I knew to expect either Tues. or Wed. She had mentioned going to a store that was close to me, and I wanted to go to that store. So I figured that was the plan. Then she said she was first going to a store that was closer to her and then they'd go to the one close to me. I was a little annoyed because I was planning on going to only one store so it wouldn't interfere too much with the girls' naps. But, it was my fault really since I did not communicate that to her.

I asked her if they could go to the one close to me first, but no, they couldn't. Other people were also coming and they had already planned it this way. That made me annoyed since it is hard for me to get out of the house, but whatever. I told her that I would go to the store close to me, and she could call me when they were going there. So, I fed the girls and they took a great nap! They had been sleeping for about an hour and a half when she called. I was sad I had to wake the girls up, but I figured they would be ok since they did sleep for more than an hour.

At the store, they were fine. It made me laugh a little because another girl had her baby, who was not cooperative at all (I think she was probably overtired). I fed the girls, and hoped they would sleep. Maya took a little cat nap. I decided that since they were doing so well, we would go to the next store.

While we were at the next store, they started to get cranky. Sofia did fall asleep, which was great! Maya was way overtired, but she would just not fall asleep. I stayed longer than normal because I knew that soon I would havve to pick up hubby from jury duty. It is just way too much to work to go home and carry them inside only to have to turn around and carry them back out. By the time Maya was getting super fussy, hubby called for me to pick him up.

We get home at almost 6 pm and I feed the girls. I know they are so tired and I'm just hoping they will sleep. Fortunately, I had hubby there so he took Sofia and I took Maya. Again, Maya would NOT go to sleep. She was too tired. She was fussing and crying and squirming all over. I tried everything. Finally, after about 40 minutes of trying to get her to sleep. I put her in the swing. She fussed for a bit but then, thankfully, went to sleep! Hubby got Sofia to sleep- until I got Maya to sleep. Then Sofia was up and I had to get her to sleep, which wasn't too hard. But she did not sleep well all night.

I think that will be the last time I stay out anywhere for longer than 2 hours! I know my friend won't understand, but I don't think I'll have to go dress shopping again with her- at least not with the girls. I just feel a lot more connected to other MoMs, which I guess is normal and to be expected. They understand what I'm going through and when we schedule play dates, it is always for 2 hours only and always scheduled around naps. I am happy that I have found a lot of MoMs that I get along with. It's funny because now I have more friends than before, and I am much more social.

That is why yesterday was so exhausting. And I definitely won't be doing that again anytime soon!


I start work in a week and a half. I'm not looking forward to it. I need to go shopping for clothes and I don't want to. I bought a pair of shorts and I had to buy a huge size because my hips have spread. A lot. I'm hoping they will go back, at least a bit- any MoMs out there know if your hips ever go back even a little??? I guess that is one benefit if you have a c-section, although I would think they still might spread a bit, especially if you carry low. That paired with PCOS and not exercising as much as I should, means no weight loss. And that is difficult to deal with.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

I've been pretty busy the last few days!

Sunday was good- we all (me, Hubby, Maya, Sofia, and our dog) took a long walk. It was nice to just talk to hubby. We definitely needed that. We also decided we would do that every Sunday. Some housework will have to be left, but that's ok. We really need to do this for us, plus it is great exercise!

So on twin message boards I've read some of the bad comments people make, but I've been really lucky to not have gotten any. Until now. On our walk, a lady saw us, asked if they were twins and then said, "I'm sorry." WHAT?!? Sorry??? Seriously, don't feel sorry for us!! Be happy for us! Of course, I was shocked and couldn't come up with a come back, but luckily Hubby is better about that and he said, "Don't be! It's great!" If I ever get that comment again I will just tell them not to be sorry and that it is the best thing that has ever happened to me!Now, I've read about the "I'm Sorry" comment before, but when it happens to YOU it is still shocking.

I had more to write but I'm too exhausted to write right now. I will update later!

Friday, August 01, 2008

Thanks for saying hi Nat! :D

Today was fun. I went and met another twin mom, who has 5 month old twin girls! We walked around a mall, went into a few stores which was really funny- 2 double strollers trying to go in and out of doors, maneuver through aisles, it was an adventure! The funniest part though was when we went to have lunch. We decided to go to this one place, we got inside and there was a long line. Then we noticed that everyone in the restaurant was staring at us. Now, I'm used to some stares, but it wasn't the normal stare for a few seconds and go about your business. It was staring for a long time and everyone turned to look. Very funny! We ended up going somewhere else only because there was no good seating for us. Not enough room for the double strollers and us! I guess it is pretty rare to see two sets of twins out and about, but I found it pretty funny!

This is Maya's new favorite sleeping position. Every night at some point during the night, she grabs on to Sofia. It is way too cute!