Monday, August 11, 2008

Just a vent...

I have to vent. About DH. Everything has been going ok, then yesterday wasn't the greatest. First, I will say that my personality is a little bit like Kate's from Jon and Kate Plus 8. I'm not quite as extreme as she is, but sometimes I do get that tone in my voice. This has been an issue with DH and I. So we made the agreement that if I had that tone, he would tell me nicely. So yesterday, twice he tells me. Both times I play what I said over in my head, and no, I did not have that tone. I know sometimes I don't know I am doing it, and that is usually when I'm stressed and need to get something done. But yesterday I was not stressed out, and there was no tone to my voice. So that just made me mad. It was like he was using that as an excuse. However, I think the way I handled wasn't the best either. I think I can handle it better next time.

The other issue is that I'm getting really stressed about next week when I go back to work. I am so afraid that the girls are going to get off schedule and then when I get home they will be super fussy and I will be left to deal with it. Yesterday, I put the girls down for a nap and then went to the store. I wasn't gone for too long and when I got back, both were awake, and Sofia was fussy. I tried to give DH tips for what to do when that happened, but he didn't want to hear. I made sure I said it nicely too, but he just got mad at me. That frustrates me soooo much because I have been with them 24 hours a day fr the last 5 months. I know what to do in certain situations and it took awhile to figure things out. I am only trying to help. I could see him getting mad if I was telling him in a way that put him down, but I made sure not to. However, I think he still took it in that way. But then when I leave him totally alone and don't say anything, he gets frustrated and wants me to take over. So I'm just so worried that there will be a meltdown and he will get frustrated and do nothing. Then I will be left with 2 fussy babies.

Then, I asked DH if he could finish loading the dishwasher so I could go to bed. He said sure. There wasn't even that many dishes. Well, I woke up this morning and it wasn't done. This is at least the second time that has happened. I am so frustrated because I've been doing everything. And when I go back to work, that CANNOT happen. We BOTH will be working full time and taking care of the girls. We BOTH will need to do equal amounts of housework. I'm afraid that isn't going to happen. I am looking into getting a housekeeper, but we will need to do daily cleaning as well. DH is so addicted to the internet right now. And I admit, I was too. But I quickly realized that things work better if I just let it go and take care of the girls' needs and not worry about what is going on in internet land. I get on the internet when I have a few spare minutes. DH isn't at that point yet, and it scares me.

I also feel like *I* am the one who has to change everything, and DH thinks he doesn't have to change at all. Lie I'm the only one doing something wrong. And that's not the case. We BOTH have to work at this. And I have been. I haven't seen him working at it though. I'm just really fed up and tired of it. I do know that a lot of MoMs have relationship trouble the first year, but I wish it would get better sooner.

I would love to go to counseling, but we have nobody to watch the girls. I guess we could find someone. Of course, that makes me nervous- leaving them with a stranger- but it would be worth it.

I fed the girls rice cereal yesterday. I will update later with that and I even have pics!


Donna said...

Guys will do things differently with the kids. Don't try to make him do it your way or he will quit doing at all, I promise that is what will happen. Let him learn what works for him by trial and error. No one will die. Let him form his relationship with them. It will be very different from your relationship with them. It won't look the same at all. That is why two parents are so good for kids--2 totally different ways and they will adapt. Don't dance around the babies. Make them adjust to your schedule. I learrned the hard way. With my first I did not vacuum while he napped, turned off the phone, etc. I ended up with a baby that woke at the drop of a hat. It was awful. With second baby, I had a 4 year old screaming in the house, toys clattering, vaccum running, phone ringing. He slept SO well because he was programmed to not be a light sleeper.

Honestly, it was all I could do with one baby to keep up the house. With two, I think I would have had to just let it all go. I barely got a shower each day. No way I could have worked at all. With 2 when one got 14 days of chicken pox, he barely got well before second had 14 days of chicken pox. I just could not have worked out the details while working at the same time. I wish you the very best. You are going to have to get sleep, good sleep, good food, and let lots of things completely go or it will hurt your marriage and your relationship with your girls. There is only so much of you to go around for your husband and your children. If housework and going back to work take more than you can cope with something will have to give. I admire you for trying to juggle it all. I am just not that good a juggler. I have limits and when surpassed I don't do well at anything and either end up angry or weepy or just plain nutso if my plate is too full.

I will be praying for strength, courage, and wisdom. I love your blog. You are SO real and I love that!!

Mrs. Piggy said...

your poor thing...i wish my husband would do more around the house than he does...he does nothing...
theres so much to do before i go back to work and zilch time to do it...and he is no help with any of it
i still havent written my thank you notes yet for my gifts after delivery
hope people dont mind them being 3 months late...better late than never

hang in there. just think of me going through the fussy period, and how you're over it!