:(

I've been doing really well lately. I haven't been getting depressed about not being pregnant or anything. It's been sort of nice being on a semi-break before getting to go to the RE. Well, that all changed tonight!

I think really what happened first was that at the store there was an overabundance of young moms with babies. They were EVERYWHERE. But, I didn't let it get me down. I got my groceries and left. I was fine.

Then, hubby calls me. Tells me his friend at work told him not to tell me, but he is telling me anyway. So he proceeds to tell me that his friend's wife is PREGNANT. They already have 2 kids. They weren't even trying, they didn't even want another kid.
I broke down. I hung up on hubby because I couldn't talk to him right then. I was crying too much.
I felt better after crying it out and called hubby.

I think it's hard for men because they really don't understand what we are going through. Yes, they can be there for us and empathize with us, but they don't know.

Amazing how one little thing can set you off. And I was doing so well! The other part is that I have to see the wife on Friday at the company party. That will be difficult. I explained to hubby why it would have been better if he had waited until after the party. He gets it now, after the fact.

It's really hard to stay positive.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was nice. I cooked for DH and I, and I made just about everything from scratch this year! It was really pretty easy. I do find it a little hard to find things to be thankful for. Because really, the biggest thing on my mind is getting pregnant. But, I'm trying to stay positive and right now I'm trying not to worry about it at all. I told myself I wouldn't stress until we go to the RE. Hopefully Monday I will find out when my appointment with the RE is!

Really, the whole waiting thing is getting old

My OB said that the referral would take a week. So, like a good girl, I waited a week and then called his office when I didn't hear back. Well, they told me that it takes TWO weeks! And gee, what is at the end of next week? Thanksgiving. A holiday. So now I will have to wait until the week after. So annoying.

I'm not in the greatest of moods. I'm happy I have a whole week off for Thanksgiving, but yesterday was my last day at my current job. It was so sad. I feel so guilty for leaving my students. My new position will be great, but I still feel so bad!

Of course

I was looking at my health coverage, and of course it does not cover injectables. Just great. Well, at least I get to go to the RE! I'm going to try not to freak out about the cost until after I go and discuss that. So I'm not sure how many cycles on injects we will be able to do. I might just have to suck it up on the clomid.

It's just really annoying that these things are typically not covered by insurance! Viagra is covered, but not fertility treatments! I really think it should be required that every plan in every state have full coverage for fertility.

New Plan

I didn't write about this last cycle. I'm not sure why. My emotional side effects were really bad on the clomid last cycle. Before, I had been depressed and emotional, pretty standard for clomid. However, I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for years now. I have a feeling my mood swings on clomid are probably more intense than most people's. Last cycle, I was doing fine. Then I had a very stressful week at work, which probably contributed. At the end of the week, I pretty much broke down. It was nothing like before. I had been upset on clomid before, but this was way worse. I had to call my husband to come home because I thought I might hurt myself. It was that bad.

Of course, I did not tell my OB because I saw no point. After that day I thought I could handle it again. I had to. I'm not going to ovulate any other way. I did tell my psychologist though. She asked if she could call my OB and talk to him about getting on an antidepressant while on the clomid. I went off of antidepressants a year ago because I did not want to TTC while on them. I know that some studies show that some antidepressants are "safe" but I don't trust that. I mean, look at me, I can't ovulate on my own after coming off BCP's even though all the studies say BCPs won't affect fertility! Anyway, I thought it might be a good idea to go on antidepressants just for a month or two while I get through the clomid. So I let her talk to my OB.

Finally, after playing phone tag with my OB, I finally got him on the phone. I explained to him how it was and his suggestion was to move on to injectables. He said he would not prescribe antidepressants to anyone TTC because there is research that shows it could be harmful. My OB does not do injectables, so he is referring me to the RE!! I am VERY excited about that! I'm also glad I won't have to do clomid again, though I'm scared about injectables. I hate needles. Hopefully it won't be too bad, though I don't know if I will be able to inject myself. I'm just happy I finally get to see the RE.

Yawn!

Nothing much going on here. I started the provera yesterday and I'm not temping. I'm not sure that I will temp this cycle. OPK and the ovwatch should be more than enough!

I was trying to save this blog only for TTC issues, but since my TTC life is so BORING right now, I'll discuss other issues. I got a new position! I'm really excited! I will be a Literacy Coach at a different middle school. I will also be teaching 2 support classes. It would be nicer if I could coach all day, but hey, you gotta start somewhere, right? For the coaching part, I'm pretty sure I will be helping content area teachers use strategies to help their students read and write better. I think I will also be planning some professional development for the staff. This is what I've wanted to do for awhile, so I am excited! Not sure when I start, they have to find a replacement for me at my current school first.

I am really sad about leaving my current students. It sucks to leave in the middle of the year! Right when we were getting comfortable with each other, and when they are finally getting into a rhythm. But, this was an opportunity I could not pass up! I am especially worried about one student in particular. He is awful in most teacher's classes. Rude and disruptive, but in my class he's OK. Not a "perfect" student, but he has never once been rude to me. And he is not that disruptive. So I'm really worried how he will act when I'm gone. I just don't want him in the office all the time. He needs to be in class. They better hire someone good to fill my spot!