My day care issue is solved! I was really getting anxious. I interviewed a few nannies, and just didn't feel right with any of them. I then was going to visit an in-home place until a friend told me about her horrible experience with them! Then, on a whim I typed in to google day care and the city and this one popped up. I also saw that it is NAEYC accredited- which friends said are always good. So I visited and instantly felt like it was the right place. I loved the lead teacher, loved all the developmentally appropriate toys they had, and lots of books, lots of artwork. So I am signing them up! So glad that is taken care of and so glad I found a place I like! The only thing is, they only take 18 months+, and the girls won't be 18 months until Sept. 17th. So, they are calling to see if they can take them Sept. 1 since they will be turning the right age that month. I think I go back to work that same day, and I was hoping to drop them off before I started work, to get them used to it. Oh well.

Thanks everyone :) At least I'm not alone! S. could be cranky from teething. Her last 1 year molar is breaking through- ugh. Tonight was an experience! They were totally cranky ALL DAY. So I put them down, and of course there was screaming. But then I heard M. really screaming- which normally doesn't happen. So I go in their room, and what do I find? S. has M's paci!! I give it back to M., give them, kisses, say goodnight, and leave. More screaming. More M. screaming. Great. Go back in. S, once again has M's paci. So I separate them. M. went right to sleep and S. screamed for about 10-15 min. I really need to get to bed in case she thinks it would be a good idea to wake up.

Good ideas about posting an ad at the colleges. I will try that as well. I'm just so nervous I think about anyone I don't know coming into our house to care for them. But that would be so much easier than having to take them to day care early in the mornings.

Not a good day today. I haven't slept much in the past 2 nights. Last night, S. first wouldn't go to sleep. I tried to lie down with her, but she just wanted to get up. Finally, she did get some sleep, but every time I tried to put her in her crib she would scream, waking M. up. So it was this nasty cycle all night long. I tried once again around 4:30 am to put S. down in her crib and again, screaming. Then M. woke up, screaming, and I freaked. Hubby was no help, but that's fine. He had just gotten home from working 12 hours and had to be up a couple hours later to take his snake to the vet. I decided to get them up and give them breakfast, let them play. They were tired by a little after 6 so I put them down and they are now, thankfully, sleeping. No, I can't also sleep right now. Hubby is in bed and has to get up soon anyway, so that would wake me up. I will sleep later.

It's getting to a really bad point though. DH is going to see his cousin this weekend. He told me about it a month ago, but never reminded me until yesterday that he was going. He is taking Friday and Saturday off to go up there. At first I didn't mind, but now I really do. He has been away a few times this year. I have not. Whenever I do get to do something, it is only for a few hours. For example, I had a spa party the other day. I told DH about it quite awhile ago. Earlier last week I even reminded him, but he put it out of his mind. So, he had to go into work on Sat., the day of the spa party. I was counting on him not working so I could get the house ready and everything. But no. He had to work. He got home late and took the girls, which was great, and I had a good time at the party. But it was only for a few hours, and they returned right when I was getting my massage so all I heard during the massage was babies screaming. I have never been able to just get away, or even just stay home, with no worries of the girls. If we are both at home, I am the "default" caregiver. He does not take initiative to do anything and quite honestly, it is getting to me. Anytime we try to talk about things, he gets defensive, doesn't listen, and turns it back around on me. I'm sick of that.

Yes, I know we need to get counseling. We are planning on it.

On top of all this, I need to find a nanny. I cannot pay the crazy amounts that a lot of people are willing to pay. Looking on Craigslist, well, that just makes me nervous even though I guess I should just try it.

Thanks for the comments on the naps! Lately, the girls have been taking 2 naps. 2 long naps! So for now, I will keep them at 2 naps, except for the day we have our music class! They absolutely love this class. At the end, they have a parachute and the instructor warned us that some kids get scared. I was thinking mine might get scared. I was wrong! S. totally loved the parachute. She was in the middle of the mat looking up and saying, "Ooh! Ooh!" It was so damn cute. M. also liked it, but wasn't quite as excited as S.

I won't lie, my break this time has been more challenging than spring break was. My girls have definitely hit toddlerhood! There are little tantrums frequently throughout the day. Sometimes I find them amusing. S. will lie down on the floor and start to kick her legs, but doesn't quite go full blown flailing- yet. Sometimes they are super clingy- I must be sitting in the actual play area with them. If I am on the other side of the baby gate, they do not like that at all. During this clingy time, they also both hang on me- which I do like. Needless to say I have been quite busy with them, and it is draining. That said, I absolutely love this stage. They find everything so exciting, so new. On the fourth of July, they had people blowing bubbles. Not just little bubbles, but large bubbles too. The girls were entranced with the bubbles and kept signing "bubbles" M. even woke up the next morning and the first thing she did was sign "bubbles"!

Having twins is so amazing and every day I am thankful for my girls. Every day I also think about my IF sisters. Even if I do not always write about it, know that you are in my mind always and I will never, ever forget the struggles of IF.