Not a good day today. I haven't slept much in the past 2 nights. Last night, S. first wouldn't go to sleep. I tried to lie down with her, but she just wanted to get up. Finally, she did get some sleep, but every time I tried to put her in her crib she would scream, waking M. up. So it was this nasty cycle all night long. I tried once again around 4:30 am to put S. down in her crib and again, screaming. Then M. woke up, screaming, and I freaked. Hubby was no help, but that's fine. He had just gotten home from working 12 hours and had to be up a couple hours later to take his snake to the vet. I decided to get them up and give them breakfast, let them play. They were tired by a little after 6 so I put them down and they are now, thankfully, sleeping. No, I can't also sleep right now. Hubby is in bed and has to get up soon anyway, so that would wake me up. I will sleep later.
It's getting to a really bad point though. DH is going to see his cousin this weekend. He told me about it a month ago, but never reminded me until yesterday that he was going. He is taking Friday and Saturday off to go up there. At first I didn't mind, but now I really do. He has been away a few times this year. I have not. Whenever I do get to do something, it is only for a few hours. For example, I had a spa party the other day. I told DH about it quite awhile ago. Earlier last week I even reminded him, but he put it out of his mind. So, he had to go into work on Sat., the day of the spa party. I was counting on him not working so I could get the house ready and everything. But no. He had to work. He got home late and took the girls, which was great, and I had a good time at the party. But it was only for a few hours, and they returned right when I was getting my massage so all I heard during the massage was babies screaming. I have never been able to just get away, or even just stay home, with no worries of the girls. If we are both at home, I am the "default" caregiver. He does not take initiative to do anything and quite honestly, it is getting to me. Anytime we try to talk about things, he gets defensive, doesn't listen, and turns it back around on me. I'm sick of that.
Yes, I know we need to get counseling. We are planning on it.
On top of all this, I need to find a nanny. I cannot pay the crazy amounts that a lot of people are willing to pay. Looking on Craigslist, well, that just makes me nervous even though I guess I should just try it.