Wednesday, February 03, 2010

I just got inspired to write. I actually have a lot to write about, but am going to put what happened at school the other day on hold. I need to write about infertility. Infertility and being a mom.

Those of us who went through infertility, but are now moms, are in a unique situation. We now have kid(s), so perhaps some of our friends who are still dealing with infertility have been communicating with us less- which we totally understand. It's so difficult to see everyone around you getting pregnant and having kids when you are not. So we totally understand why they would want to distance themselves, although we do miss them. But then we also don't feel completely comfortable around moms who did not go through infertility. Yes, on some levels we can relate, but plenty of times we feel different from them.In a way it is sort of isolating.

I decided to write this because recently a friend created a group where we could go and "talk" online. Basically, reconnecting after awhile. I realized that I had been missing these people so much! I feel connected to them even if I don't know them very well. We will always have this connection, this shadow around us. Infertility changes you forever. For better? For worse? Neither? I don't know. All I know is that it has changed me profoundly.



Heather- you will always hold a very special place in my heart and my life. You were there for me as we were there for each other during those trying times of ttc and failing. You were there for me through one of my m/c and your friendship at that time meant a lot to me and still does. I am so very happy for you that you succeeded in your dream- you got two and they are beautiful! At times I was a little jealous, I will admit that- but I was always happy for your joy that became two. It is hard to keep up with those that have realized their dreams when some of us are still broken hearted. I check on your blog often to see how the girls are growing and to see how you are doing. It seems of our small group I am the only one not to have fulfilled what we all set out to do. Please don't get me wrong, I am truly happy for you. I am just still trying to learn how to live my life the way that it has turned out.

Gemini-Girl said...

I agree. I dont think I will ever not feel weird around friends who just happen to get pg whenever they feel like it... it's something in our dna's from now on.

Justine said...

Okay I didn't struggle with infertility but I followed a link to this blog because I have twins and reading your description of not feeling completely connected to mum's who got pregnant naturally was exactly the same as I felt as a mother of twins - although I knew other people with babies, I didn't feel completely connected to them because my experiences of pregnancy and babies were so different to theirs in so many ways - basically I just think there is really nothing quite like connecting with people in the situation as you - whatever it is - to make you feel 'normal' - just by hearing that other people have the exact same thoughts, fears, concerns and worries that you do!