I've been doing really well lately. I haven't been getting depressed about not being pregnant or anything. It's been sort of nice being on a semi-break before getting to go to the RE. Well, that all changed tonight!
I think really what happened first was that at the store there was an overabundance of young moms with babies. They were EVERYWHERE. But, I didn't let it get me down. I got my groceries and left. I was fine.
Then, hubby calls me. Tells me his friend at work told him not to tell me, but he is telling me anyway. So he proceeds to tell me that his friend's wife is PREGNANT. They already have 2 kids. They weren't even trying, they didn't even want another kid.
I broke down. I hung up on hubby because I couldn't talk to him right then. I was crying too much.
I felt better after crying it out and called hubby.
I think it's hard for men because they really don't understand what we are going through. Yes, they can be there for us and empathize with us, but they don't know.
Amazing how one little thing can set you off. And I was doing so well! The other part is that I have to see the wife on Friday at the company party. That will be difficult. I explained to hubby why it would have been better if he had waited until after the party. He gets it now, after the fact.
It's really hard to stay positive.
2 comments:
I've been reading your blog for a bit and finally decided to comment because I can kind of relate to how you're feeling about other pregnant women. I had a miscarriage about a month ago. My friend and I were due two days apart from one another and though we've exchanged emails, I haven't seen her or talked to her. Part of me feels bad, but I know that it would hurt me incredibly. I don't feel like I can deal with that right now. My goal, however, is to reach out to her as soon as I can. Hopefully, I can do that by Christmas. The fact that her pregnancy is going well is a good thing and there is space in my heart to be happy for her and hear her good news.
I have a son, who is 3, and I often think how I would like for him to respond in situations because it helps me put things into a different (not better, just different) perspective. I would not like his challenges and adversities to diminish the joy he gets out of life or to make him bitter. The ability to be happy is powerful and enpowering. When I can find a way to smile for my girlfriend, I think I will be in a better place and I'm working to get there. I empathize with your pain and anguish. I would just hate to think that I am becoming or ruled by my own pain and anguish. I deserve abd NEED more peace than that. I think we all do.
Oh, good luck on Friday! It will probably be difficult, but try to find some way to enjoy yourself rather than dreading the pregnant woman. GOOD LUCK!
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