Still 3

Had another ultrasound today at the RE office. Still 3. I'm pretty depressed. I was hoping that maybe I wouldn't have to make a decision about SR, but it looks like I will. Also, C, the one that was a week behind, totally caught up. So B and C are about the same size. That also depresses me. I keep going back and forth with my decision, but I think when I meet with the perinatologist next week it will be good. Nobody should have to go through this. I want to just be happy right now, and I can't.

"morning" sickness

I think my "morning" sickness is in full swing now. I had a great 3 days last week where I was hungry and not nauseous! Then, of course, that ended and I've been nauseous since! It wasn't too bad at first, just a bit nauseous mostly in the afternoons. Then yesterday the nauseousness got worse.

I ended up going to the grocery store, which is probably the WORST thing to do when you are pregnant! I thought I was going to lose it a few times, but luckily I didn't. Until I got home! I felt better for like 10 min. and then nauseous again. Not fun.

I went to bed, and woke up at 2 am, which is becoming a regular thing now. I have to eat something when I wake up because my stomach just feels like a pit. So I ate some graham crackers and a little Gatorade. That too, came back up. If the throwing up gets worse, I am going to talk to my doctor about medication. My RE actually seems more concerned with morning sickness than my OB. Every time I visit the RE they ask me if I've thrown up. My OB saw me eating and was glad I was eating and told me the trick was to have something in my stomach. Well, that doesn't always work!

I have another ultrasound tomorrow and I will discuss something that's been bothering me. I guess it doesn't really matter, but it's bugging me. My OB did an abdominal ultrasound on Friday and he was looking at C, and I said, "Oh I'm pretty sure that's the small one" because that one has a funny shaped sack since it's lower then the rest. Well, he measured it and it wasn't that small! He then found B, which was hard for him to see and measured that one a week behind. So now I'm confused. I'm wondering if it is because he did an abdominal though. I know B is hard to see because it's at the top of my uterus. So I'll talk to my RE about it. I don't know why it's bugging me so much, but it is.

We also told out parents this weekend, and they are really excited! They all support us in whatever decision we make too, which is nice.

Thanks for all the supportive comments! They were really nice to read :)

I've had a few good days of little to no nausea. Of course, today - it's back. I had a training session for work today, and that was miserable. I had to disappear to the gross bathrooms for like 20 min. because I thought I was going to throw up. I ended up dry heaving a little. Yuck.

I got to leave early for my OB appointment, and that went really well! Dr. O is very nice! He fit in me in today - probably on his lunch hour and took as long as I needed answering my questions. I never felt rushed at all, which was nice. I also got another ultrasound - abdominal this time - and I got to HEAR the heartbeats!!! That was so cool!!! It was so weird that they were coming from inside me! It's jsut so weird because I really started to think I would never get pregnant. Now I am VERY pregnant, and in a way it still doesn't feel real.

Dr. O said that the perinatologist should be calling me today (he didn't) or Monday, and that if he doesn't call me on Monday, I need to call Dr. O by 3:00 before he goes on vacation so he can do something about it. I thought that was great! So, I'm pretty sure I will be staying with Dr. O even though I really can't stand the front desk. He's just so great.

The last couple of days have been rough emotionally! I of course keep thinking about reduction. It's hard for me to say right now what I'm going to do. I'm leaning toward reduction (and if you have anything bad to say about reduction, please respect me and DO NOT post any negative comments on my blog. Keep them to yourself. I don't need the extra stress right now), but my third is measuring really small. So, I really have to see what happens with it. I'm also concerned that if it does continue, there could be something wrong with it.

Thinking about reduction - having to think about it - is no fun. It is not easy at all. I tried for so long to get pregnant, and couldn't on my own, and now I have 3 and all the risks that come with that. In a way it's not fair - I stress for almost 2 years about not being able to have kids and now I have to really stress over this. I know with kids the stress never goes away, but this. This is different. Nobody wants to faced with this decision.

It amazes me that some people think, or seem to think, this is an easy decision. I've gotten a comment (not here - somewhere else) that really hurt. And also made me angry. How dare anyone judge me. If you have never been in this situation, there is no way you can judge someone who has to go through this. I understand that some are completely against reduction for religious or other personal reasons. Great! But expressing that to someone who has to decide? That really is not their place. The better way to deal with it is how Karen did in the comments of my last blog. She offered some info and warned it was biased against reduction. I went and read her blog, and it was really informative! Not judgmental and one-sided like many people who have never had to face this decision can be. I really appreciate her comment and enjoyed reading the blog. I want all the information I can get! Obviously, she chose not to reduce, but even in her blog she stressed this was the decision for her and that she wasn't judging others who go through it.

What are my reasons for leaning toward it? I know there are risks involved in having triplets. I've seen a couple shows about triplet births, and it was so sad. They all were about 2-3 pounds, born really early and most of them had to have surgery, their organs weren't completely formed, and they had to stay in the NICU for a few months. To me, that seems so awful to do to them. It broke my heart watching it.

I also, finally, talked to my OB briefly today and he did mention there is a greater risk for losing ALL of the babies if I continue with them. I know there is that risk after reduction too, so I would like to see numbers of both.

The perinatologist should be calling me tomorrow to set up an appointment. I think I will feel a little better after talking to him. At least I'll have more information.

Third Ultrasound

I was a little less nervous for this appointment, which was good because my blood pressure was down a lot. It was pretty high for the first 2 since I was so nervous!

I still have 3 in there. I'm very nervous about that. We are seriously considering reduction, but will be talking to the perinatologist. I'll find out all the facts first before we make our final decision. The small one is measuring a whole week behind the others, which is weird. But we saw all 3 heartbeats! The big 2 are getting bigger! It's crazy to see them grow!



My doctor told me that I only get to stay with them a couple more weeks! I am SO SAD! I want to stay with the REs office for the whole time! I LOVE them there! :( She also said it was important I get in by Sept. 10th so that I can get a referral to a perinatologist. I thought, no problem, I'll go over to the office now and set it up. UGH. The way this medical group is set up, it is just annoying. All offices are in a couple buildings, and the people who work the desks are incompetent. So I explain the situation, tell them I have triplets and she says, "Well the first appointment is usually between 8-12 weeks with the nurse practitioner"
Um, NO, sorry. I need to see the doc! I explain AGAIN I need to see the doc to get a referral. She says she'll leave him a message. I can tell from her typing that she did not put anything about a referral in there so I told her to add that.

It's just such a huge change from the level of service I get at my REs office. I wanted to change groups, but I can't right now since I need to be seen by the perinatologist soon. It wouldn't go through quick enough, so I'm stuck for now. It's just annoying having to deal with it!

I'm 7 weeks today! Wow!

The good news is that my spotting seems to have almost disappeared. Of course, now that I say that, I will spot again.

The bad news is I have to go into work and work with my bosses today! I do get paid extra, so that's nice, but I just hope they don't start to get suspicious. And I hope I'm not too nauseous!

I puked for the first time last night!!! I forgot how horrible puking is, but it made me feel better. Especially since I've had spotting all day yesterday, and I even had some red spotting :( I'm trying not to worry about it, and the puking did reassure me!

I've been going to another "regular" mommy board, and this one post just really bugged me. The title was "Finally Joining You" and I thought to myself, yeah it's probably another of those after 2 months of TTC I'm finally pregnant! So I click on it, and yep - Finally after 6 months of TTC I'm pregnant! What was worse was a response said, "I am always so happy for people who have been TTC a really long time when they finally get their BFP!" And there was another one quite similar.

UGH!

So of course I had to post:
"6 months is well within the normal time of TTC, and really is not that long. Just understand that there are people here who have been TTC a *really long time* and have been through fertility treatments, so we can be a bit cynical when we see the words "finally" followed by "after 6 months"

Congrats to you!! :)"

I will probably be ousted from that group, but oh well. I always have my infertile graduates group!

To the Anon comment: It's not that I'm angry that someone had an easy time getting pregnant. Not at all! It's that she used "finally" and then the other comments made me mad too. When people who have been dealing with infertility see that, it does get them upset. Not so upset that it would harm my babies! That's ridiculous (not that getting upset will really harm anything anyway)! But when I see it I roll my eyes and think "ugh!"
If you go back and read my entire blog, and then read other blogs of people who are dealing with infertility and then try to put yourself in their shoes, you can probably understand. Trust me, I didn't get upset upset, but it is one of those comments that bugs.

What a day! So early afternoon, I went to the bathroom and there was RED on the tp. And it wasn't just spotting either. It was a glob. I was SO scared. I thought this was the end. I called the doctors office and they got me in. And, we saw THREE heartbeats!!! On the first 2, she also saw the fetal pole which she didn't see last time. The third is still measuring small. I'm very scared about triplets, but I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it. It is still early and it is measuring small, so who knows. I am just SO relieved we saw those heartbeats! I cannot tell you how scared I was! Oh, and the other weird thing is, no clue as to why I am spotting. There was no bleeding in my uterus or even on the cervix. I think it is just doing that to freak me out.

I'm spotting.

It started last night, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and I find it on my pantyliner! Of course, I freaked out. I had hubby page my doctor, but she really wasn't much help. She was asleep, and I dunno - didn't seemed to concerned. I tried to sleep, but didn't really. This morning I called and left a message with the other doctor (actually the physicians assistant who has done my entire cycle and ultrasound). Hopefully she calls soon.

I guess the good news is that it isn't getting worse, and it is brownish/pinkish and just spotting. And I read some stuff about it that tries to tell you it's fine - but trust me, when it happens to YOU, it is not fine. So I'll just be freaking out until I get an ultrasound I'm sure. I just hope my little bean is ok.

Edited to add:
The doc just called. She told me not to worry since it's brown - that means it's old blood. She said just come in Thursday for my regular appt. But if it gets heavier or red to call.

I guess I should feel better after hearing her tell me not to worry, but I don't.

I found sour Jolly Ranchers! I got a little nauseous yesterday, and it seemed to help. But of course, I go and buy the sour stuff and really didn't get very nauseous at all! And then, of course, that starts to worry me!

Today we are going to see my Hubby's friend's new baby. This is the first time I will be able to stand being around them. It was really difficult before, when I wasn't pregnant. It's still difficult, because of their situation. They have 2 kids, they didn't want and couldn't really afford another, she was on birth control, and they still got pregnant! It really drove me crazy. Now, I think I'm in a position where I'll be ok. It still frustrates me, but I can deal now.

I've been pretty nauseous the last few days! It seems to be getting worse day by day. Yesterday I even dry heaved after lunch. I was really surprised nothing came up since my tummy was full - but I'm not complaining that nothing came up!

I looked into getting Preggie Pops, but they are expensive! So I think I will just get my own sour and ginger candy. A friend told me to also get the motion sickness bands, but I have a feeling they won't work.

Monday I have to work for a few hours - with my boss and coworkers - so I'll just be telling them I don't feel well. Hopefully they don't suspect anything, but they are pretty smart. I just hope it won't be too bad.

We have a heartbeat!

I was so nervous before my appointment this morning, I can't even tell you! Then, my mind was put at ease! She saw 1 in there right away, was measuring exactly 6 weeks, and I saw the heartbeat! It was tiny and precious! I asked her if she was sure there was only 1, so she looked again and found another one. This one was hard to see since it was at the top of my uterus. She saw the yolk sack, but couldn't see a heartbeat since it was hard to see. Then, she found a third sack, but this one is much much smaller than the other 2, so it probably won't be viable. I get to go back next week for another ultrasound and we will be able to see if there are 2 in there for sure! So please, think 1 or 2 for me, no more than that!

Such a relief to see the heartbeat. And I cried when I saw it. I just couldn't believe there is this tiny heartbeat in me! It's crazy. It took a long time, and I've been through a lot, and totally worth it.

The not so great news is that I have 2 cysts, 1 on each ovary, and 1 is quite large. I'm on pelvic rest and can't do anything high impact, which is fine. I'm hoping they just go away and don't rupture.

A picture of my little bean (she said next week if there is more than 1, I will get a picture of them):

1 more day!! I can't wait!!! I'm nervous and excited. I think today will go by very slow. I have been taking naps, which does make the time go by faster, but I'm not sure I van stay awake until the afternoon to take a nap. If I take a nap now, the day won't go by as fast. I wish it was tomorrow already! :)

3 more days until my ultrasound! I hope they go by quickly! Nothing much to report. I'm still tired, I'm still peeing a lot, yesterday I was a little nauseous for much of the day. I'm trying to read less so I don't freak myself out, and I'm also trying not to think about any bad things. It does help. Of course, I still worry, but I try to put those thoughts out of my mind.

Thanks for the comment! My OB right now is Dr. O'Hara. Did he deliver you? I was thinking of switching because I know there would be a chance that the other one in the office (forget his name right now) would deliver me, and I really don't want him to. I'm not sure when I'll switch over to the OB, but I'm sure I'll find out on Thursday. Honestly, I wish I could just have my RE the whole time, but I know - her job is to GET people pregnant. I just really like her and everyone in that office a lot.

I had more symptoms last night, so that was nice :) Even though I woke up to go to the bathroom and got super dizzy, at least something was happening!

I have way too much time on my hands. All I'm doing is freaking out! Actually, I go through periods where I'm fine, not freaking out, then boom! Freak out! I'm trying to tell myself that it's fine - I'm still thirsty, peeing a lot, and am tired. I can't help think I should have more symptoms though. Even though tons of people have told me they never had symptoms until week 6 or 7. Not sure how I will make it 6 more days!!

A few of you from NI have commented here :) I will "come out" on NI sometime. Maybe after the first u/s? I'm not sure. Of course, enough people know now, but I don't quite yet feel comfortable "coming out"

This week is going to really drag by. Hopefully, it won't go by TOO slow! I do have stuff for work I need to do, but I just can't get any motivation to do it! And I do not want to start work again. While I love summer vacation, the end of it is always the worst!