Thursday, August 23, 2007

The last couple of days have been rough emotionally! I of course keep thinking about reduction. It's hard for me to say right now what I'm going to do. I'm leaning toward reduction (and if you have anything bad to say about reduction, please respect me and DO NOT post any negative comments on my blog. Keep them to yourself. I don't need the extra stress right now), but my third is measuring really small. So, I really have to see what happens with it. I'm also concerned that if it does continue, there could be something wrong with it.

Thinking about reduction - having to think about it - is no fun. It is not easy at all. I tried for so long to get pregnant, and couldn't on my own, and now I have 3 and all the risks that come with that. In a way it's not fair - I stress for almost 2 years about not being able to have kids and now I have to really stress over this. I know with kids the stress never goes away, but this. This is different. Nobody wants to faced with this decision.

It amazes me that some people think, or seem to think, this is an easy decision. I've gotten a comment (not here - somewhere else) that really hurt. And also made me angry. How dare anyone judge me. If you have never been in this situation, there is no way you can judge someone who has to go through this. I understand that some are completely against reduction for religious or other personal reasons. Great! But expressing that to someone who has to decide? That really is not their place. The better way to deal with it is how Karen did in the comments of my last blog. She offered some info and warned it was biased against reduction. I went and read her blog, and it was really informative! Not judgmental and one-sided like many people who have never had to face this decision can be. I really appreciate her comment and enjoyed reading the blog. I want all the information I can get! Obviously, she chose not to reduce, but even in her blog she stressed this was the decision for her and that she wasn't judging others who go through it.

What are my reasons for leaning toward it? I know there are risks involved in having triplets. I've seen a couple shows about triplet births, and it was so sad. They all were about 2-3 pounds, born really early and most of them had to have surgery, their organs weren't completely formed, and they had to stay in the NICU for a few months. To me, that seems so awful to do to them. It broke my heart watching it.

I also, finally, talked to my OB briefly today and he did mention there is a greater risk for losing ALL of the babies if I continue with them. I know there is that risk after reduction too, so I would like to see numbers of both.

The perinatologist should be calling me tomorrow to set up an appointment. I think I will feel a little better after talking to him. At least I'll have more information.


Natalie said...

It's a horrible decision to have to make. Either way, it's going to be hard, and it's going to come with risks. you're doing a ton of research and I have the utmost confidence that whatever you choose it'll be the right decision for you.

Drowned Girl said...

I hope noone would dare to judge.

Having seen a friend's singleton born at 24w /1lb 10oz, and stay in hospital for 19 weeks, I'd be terrified.

But that's not to say reducing would be easy.

It's a rock and a hard place for sure. I hope you can get support while you decide what's best for you all.

Have you come across this blog?


Anonymous said...

I can't imagine having being put in your place H. As it has been said before, whatever decision you make - it will be the best for your particular situation. Not to say that it will be easy in any way.

Brian, Melissa and Nathan said...

I am so sorry that you have to be placed in this situation with such a tough decision to make after all you have been through to get here. Whatever you and your husband decide will be what is best for you and your little ones. I will be thinking of you.

Kim said...

Only you and your husband know how much you can bear. As hard of a decision as this is--and my heart truly goes out to you-- no one else has the right to judge you. Just know that there are those of us out here who will support your choice, no matter what that choice happens to be.

Fertilize Me said...

GOSH- i would absolutely be beside myself to THINK that someone would have the audacity to judge a person w/o knowing all facts and done in writing - HOW HARSH!! Good for you for researching and expressing interest in educating yourself to make a sound decision. I will be praying for you in your time of need.

Sara said...

Heather- the u/s pics are amazing- I envy you that you have finally done it- but I don't envy you in the decision that you are facing. Please know that I am here if you need to talk :)
Being an NICU nurse- I understand your fears- I have seen triplets deliver and go both ways- it is scarier and I wouldn't wish their problems on anyone- no matter how long they have been ttc. And this is your decision- not anyone else's and no one has the right to judge you for any reason. I know you- you are going to do the research, and you will make the decision that is right for you and your babies. I will support and be here for you with whatever you decide.
Take Care! Sending you lots of love and happy thoughts- Sara

Karen said...

It ISN'T a fair decision to make. There's NO easy decision to make. I'm glad that my references to my blog archives didn't offend you... while I know that my personal posts leaned against reduction... that wasn't because I think it's the wrong decision for everyone, it was because under OUR circumstances, it wasn't the right decision. We received TREMENDOUS pressure to reduce.

Ultimately, when we spoke with our perinatologist about the relative risks we were facing, and the outcome of the triplets that they follow, we decided that we would be okay. That being said, I honestly wouldn't wish a triplet pregnancy on ANYONE on purpose. In our case, knowing that the reduction couldn't be done right away anyway, we decided we would not make any decisions until after the nuchal fold scan and/or CVS (if the nuchal fold results warranted doing CVS).

I originally had one measuring several days behind the others, but by the time we got to the nuchal fold, it had caught up and was doing fine, and the nuchal fold came out perfectly, so we didn't do a CVS.

I don't know how much of my archives you read, but there was one post in which I described a conversation with my regular OB in which I conveyed that we'd decided against reduction and he was very, very worried and told me flat out that he was worried I would lose all three if I didn't reduce. I was worried too. I'd already had one late, unexplained loss. And I told him it was a completely unfair decision. That there was NO right decision, and that no matter WHAT I decided it wasn't going to be something I was ever going to be 100% certain about.

What you CAN be certain about, however, is that ANY decision you and your husband make on this matter is the RIGHT one. Only the two of you can decide what the right choice is for you.

Talk to the perinatologist. Find out how many triplet cases they have followed in the last 12 months. Find out how many reductions they have performed in the last 12 months. If the answer to either question is fewer than 10, find yourself another perinatologist. I'm serious. You need someone with triplet experience, whether you plan to reduce or not. Find out how many losses they have experienced both after reductions and without reductions in the last 12 months. These are important questions. Find out how long their average triplet patient carries their triplets (average in the US is 32 weeks; average for my perinatologist is 34 weeks, just for comparison). Find out what the average birth weight of their triplets is, whether they are reduced or not (remember that even if you do reduce to twins, the twins are at risk for being at a lower birth weight than if they'd originally been conceived as twins). These are all things you want and need to know as you are in this decision-making process.

I know I'm throwing a heck of a lot of random information at you. And I'm NOT trying to bias you one way or another. This decision sucks no matter how you look at it, period.

I'm happy to talk about this in more organized detail privately if that would help. I probably have some resources that I never posted about that are still hanging out on my computer (studies, links, other blogs, etc.) if I looked closely enough. My email is