I definitely feel better today. Hubby called last night and I mentioned I vacuumed. Then, I woke up when he came home and I got up. We talked, and it was good. I told him (calmly- which is a first!) how I felt, listed everything I did that day, and just how we both need to do the housework equally. It definitely helped. Sofia woke up after I had gone back to bed and he got up with her. I later saw that he fed her too. Much better than bringing her into me! He also did some cleaning and folded his laundry today, so that was nice.

Another reason I feel better is because I got to go to my therapist appointment. I have been going to a psychologist for about 8 years now. It helps SO much with everything. It's funny, because all I do is talk, and if I'm having a specific problem she will sometimes suggest ways to handle the situation, but mostly I just talk. I always feel better after, but always wonder- is this really helping me? I mean, it makes me feel better, but is it doing anything? Well, it is. She pointed out to me today that I usually bottle things up and then explode, but I didn't let that happen with the issue with hubby. I also wrote that email to the co-worker and confronted that. I would have never done that before. So, it really is helping. Plus I can also now identify when I am having a depression episode. Before, I would just get depressed and, sure, I would feel depressed, but I wouldn't recognize it as something the chemicals in my brain are doing. Now I can recognize it. And I have been depressed lately.

I called my OB to get my prescription upped, but that hasn't helped. Very weird, because before when I was on pa.xil it helped so much! So now I need to find a psychiatrist. Luckily my psychologist gave me the name of one she thinks is covered by my insurance. But we also talked about how it could be because I'm stressed at work and I don't have much down time at all. I think it is a combination of everything.

And now, I will leave you with a cute video of Sofia in her jumperoo:

I need to vent.

It has been going well with hubby, but he's really been making me mad! So we both work about 40 hours a week. He works maybe 48 hours. We both have to watch the girls. So, it makes sense that we each share the housework pretty equally. Well, that hasn't been happening lately!

Let's take today for example. Here was my day:
5:00 am wake up, take shower
5:30 the girls were up so I went ahead and fed them
6:00 put them back down to sleep, made breakfast, ate breakfast, got ready for work
6:50 Left for work
7:15-2:00 worked. Worked through lunch as I usually do
2:00 Left work a little early so I could go to the grocery store. I did not get to go to the grocery store this weekend because hubby worked Sat. and then went to look at houses Sunday. I can't take the girls to the store when I want to get more than a few things. So I went right after work.

I need to add that I had asked hubby to vacuum and he told me he would when he got home Sunday. He forgot. I asked him to try to vacuum today. He said he couldn't, so I said well at least vacuum the girls' room.

3:00 got home from the store, carried in groceries. Asked hubby to go and get the last 2 bags. He complained about doing that- said he had to get the girls down. I said I would do that please go and get the bags. So he did. I left the groceries to put the girls down, thinking that hubby would see the groceries and put them away when he got in. After I put the girls down I started folding my laundry. I came back to the kitchen and hubby was sitting on the couch- eyes closed. Groceries were not put away. By this point I am very mad. I put the groceries away. Then I loaded the dishwasher.

3:30 I continue folding laundry and wonder when hubby is going to leave for work. I haven't sat down yet since getting home. Finally he says bye to me. I think he knows I am extremely mad because he was being nicer than usual. He should know that I am super mad because I did not say anything to him. I usually will say something.

The girls will be waking soon and I will play with them, feed them solids, feed them their bottles, then by that time it should be bedtime. After that I will eat dinner and relax (hopefully) for a couple hours. I need to vacuum though! IT's driving me crazy. Maybe they can play in the pack n play while I vacuum.

Anyway, that's how busy I have been. And it is really wearing on me. We both work hard, we both take care of the girls. We both need to do chores. I cannot do everything. I was wondering why I have been SO tired. I have been going to bed at 8:30 lately! Well, now I realize just why I am so tired. It's getting ridiculous because I cannot keep up with all the cleaning. I just can't.

6 Months!

I can't believe they are 6 months already! This time has flown by! It really seems like I just gave birth to them. As you get older, time speeds up. I think it speeds up again after you have kids. I remember when I was little and I asked my mom how long until Christmas. It was 2 months away, and that seemed like an eternity! Even 1 hour was a very long time. Now, 1 hour is nothing. And every day my girls are growing and changing. Sad, in a way, but it is a reminder to slow down and enjoy the moments. I also look forward to seeing them grow up. They have their whole lives ahead of them and that is so exciting for me.

Now, as I think about this, I'm tearing up because a little over a year ago I really thought I might never get to experience this. I'm so thankful that I do get to experiences this- and with twins! I will never, ever for a minute take for granted what I have. I know some people posted before I got pregnant that the infertility would make it more special, and it has. I don't think anyone should have to go through infertility ever, but motherhood is definitely something I do not take for granted and it does seem all that more special. And getting pregnant and having healthy babies is really a miraculous thing. I'm still in awe that I grew my two girls inside me.

Now some pictures!


Sofia was in the jumperroo and Maya was in the crib. I look up and see:

I was looking at a website and it had a list of the top 10 most useless baby items, as voted on by moms.
Here is the list:
#10 Diaper Pail (Genie and Champ)
#9 Shopping Cart Cover
#8 Boppy Nursing Pillow
#7 Infant Shoes
#6 Hanging Diaper Stacker
#5 Bumbo Baby Seat
#4 Baby Robe
#3 Crib Bedding Set with Bumpers and Quilts
#2 Wipe Warmer

And the most useless thing of all?
#1 Bottle Warmer


I disagree with some of these!
#10 I would not say a diaper pail is that useless. The Champ makes me angry and I wish I would have gotten the De.kor though.
#9 I am planning on getting a shopping cart cover. Shopping carts are SO GROSS and germy!
#8 Love my Boppy! I did not use them to nurse but I used it for tummy time and now I use it to prop them up sitting. I also have the newborn loungers which I still use to feed them on.
#7 I agree. Though I did buy some. They wore them once. But they are cute!
#6 I disagree! I use mine. Love it. Keeps diapers where I need them and doesn't take up room
#5 I love the Bumbo! I have 2 and use them.
#4 never thought about getting. I do have the hooded towels which I love
#3 I agree. I did not get a set since I knew I wouldn't use the bumpers or most of the other stuff too. I bought sheets separately and I think it was a little cheaper.
#1 I agree. I used it for a little bit, then I just fed them bottles cold. It was easier.

Why isn't the Wipes warmer on there? I bought one, but then because we had to wake them up to eat and wanted to keep them awake, we used cold wipes. I have a warmer, took it out of the box and never used it.

I think the ranking of items really depends on the mom. Every one likes different things. And I think having twins changes some of the things you might like/dislike. So that's my take on that list.

We have decided that we need to get OUT of our condo. We have definitely outgrown it, and really hate living here. Not to mention the building is pretty much falling apart. I mean, it looks fine from the outside, but there are problems with it. So, we discussed a few options and one of them included moving to Indiana. That has always been our plan, but every time I think about it, I just can't see us doing that. I was going to write a whole pro and con list, but before I could do that we decided to try another option.

The option we are going to try is to rent our condo and buy a house here. There are tons of houses south of here- lots of brand new houses- that cost as much as our condo did. So that right there tells you something about the market here. Anyway, we are going to see if we can get a loan. If so, we will be house shopping! It won't be hard to rent our place out because we are super close to the University. So that is a huge plus even though I hate living in this area. So please wish us luck in getting another mortgage. I really hope we can. Otherwise, I'm not sure what we will do.

I survived the weekend!

Hubby was away at a snake convention. Well, a reptile convention if you want to get technical, but the part he likes is the snakes. I know I must have written about the snakes before. But did I write about how he was trying to breed them, and for a long time it was unsuccessful, but now we have baby snakes. Oh yay. I think there are 6. Maybe 7. Now, he says he will sell them. Then I won't mind quite as much because I made him promise we would use that money for the girls. But he has to get them to eat before he can sell them. So have they eaten? Of course not! So they sit in our house along with the 8 other full grown snakes. Did I mention our condo is only 1100 square feet? Or that I'm terrified of snakes? Luckily 4 of them I can't see. They in drawer type things.

Anyway, he was away at that convention and I had to take care of the girls alone. I was scared. But it was fine! Better than fine- it was great! I let myself actually relax instead of worrying about cleaning and running errands, which is what I normally do on the weekends. It was so nice to get to relax and just play with my girls. And it wasn't much different from when hubby is home since he is gone most of the time anyway.

As for work, I don't even want to talk about it. It is stressful and busy. So busy. But at least when I'm busy the day goes by fast.

I have been so busy at work and at home. The thing about my work is that I either have 10 million things to do all at once, or nothing. I have not contacted the union yet. And I think I can only file a grievance against my boss. But there must be something I can do about a coworker. Oh, I think it was yesterday the co-worker and my boss met with me to go over some stuff. I can't remember how this came up, but the co-worker was talking about her husband taking some English class. He had to write a paper and she wanted to know what kind of paper.; Finally figured out it was a persuasive paper and she told him that he should write it on how unions have destroyed this country (or something to that effect). I know unions have their problems, and I don't always agree with them, but they do a lot of good! And really- you got a raise last year because of the union! SO I thought that was telling.

Anyway, enough work talk. I'd rather talk about my favorite things- my girls! They are 5 1/2 months. I cannot believe it. In a couple weeks they will be 6 months. Half of their first year will be over! That is so crazy. They are growing and changing daily. During the day, Maya has scooted, of course when hubby is not looking. And I have not witnessed this at all. It's scary to me that they will be moving around soon!

I'm trying to get them to say "mama" first. I know that "mama" "dada" and "baba" sounds all come first. Hubby I know is working with them during the day to say "dada" and I do my part with them in the evening to say "mama" We will see who wins ;) Watch, they will say "baba" first!

I put Maya in the exersaucer again. When I tried the first time, she was just too little. She is a good size for it now. It was so cute- there is a little console that makes noise and lights up when you press buttons. She was smiling and then hit a button and it made a noise and lit up. That really surprised her and she had this look of shock on her face! It was so funny. She really liked the exersaucer, but is so different with it than Sofia. Maya just likes to laugh and smile at everything- except when the noises surprised her!

Sofia is very intense in concentrating on that console when she is in the exersaucer. It's like she is studying it, trying to figure it out. She always has this look of concentration when she's playing in it.

I love how different they are and I am so lucky to get to see two grow up at once. I can't even get over what an awesome experience this is. I absolutely LOVE being a twin mommy! I can't imagine only having one. Sure, it might be easier, less work, but it is so great to watch both of them grow and change.

Thanks Sarah! :)

I had a few people read the email before I sent it, so I know it was fine. My boss emailed me, and it sounds like she pretty much agrees with me. I guess she is just not a good boss since she didn't stop it or DO anything about it. Anyway, I put it behind me for the weekend.

I had a good weekend! Went to a playgroup on Sat. and that was fun. I just love going to twin playgroups.

I think the girls are going through a growth spurt or something though! They are cranky and are fighting falling asleep. Sofia wants me to hold her all the time. I'll get her drowsy, set her down, and she starts screaming. So while it has been a good weekend, it has been a bit tough. Not to mention I think my paxil has stopped working. I'm feeling depressed again- yesterday for no reason. I didn't want to do anything. So I need to talk to my doctor.