My day care issue is solved! I was really getting anxious. I interviewed a few nannies, and just didn't feel right with any of them. I then was going to visit an in-home place until a friend told me about her horrible experience with them! Then, on a whim I typed in to google day care and the city and this one popped up. I also saw that it is NAEYC accredited- which friends said are always good. So I visited and instantly felt like it was the right place. I loved the lead teacher, loved all the developmentally appropriate toys they had, and lots of books, lots of artwork. So I am signing them up! So glad that is taken care of and so glad I found a place I like! The only thing is, they only take 18 months+, and the girls won't be 18 months until Sept. 17th. So, they are calling to see if they can take them Sept. 1 since they will be turning the right age that month. I think I go back to work that same day, and I was hoping to drop them off before I started work, to get them used to it. Oh well.

Thanks everyone :) At least I'm not alone! S. could be cranky from teething. Her last 1 year molar is breaking through- ugh. Tonight was an experience! They were totally cranky ALL DAY. So I put them down, and of course there was screaming. But then I heard M. really screaming- which normally doesn't happen. So I go in their room, and what do I find? S. has M's paci!! I give it back to M., give them, kisses, say goodnight, and leave. More screaming. More M. screaming. Great. Go back in. S, once again has M's paci. So I separate them. M. went right to sleep and S. screamed for about 10-15 min. I really need to get to bed in case she thinks it would be a good idea to wake up.

Good ideas about posting an ad at the colleges. I will try that as well. I'm just so nervous I think about anyone I don't know coming into our house to care for them. But that would be so much easier than having to take them to day care early in the mornings.

Not a good day today. I haven't slept much in the past 2 nights. Last night, S. first wouldn't go to sleep. I tried to lie down with her, but she just wanted to get up. Finally, she did get some sleep, but every time I tried to put her in her crib she would scream, waking M. up. So it was this nasty cycle all night long. I tried once again around 4:30 am to put S. down in her crib and again, screaming. Then M. woke up, screaming, and I freaked. Hubby was no help, but that's fine. He had just gotten home from working 12 hours and had to be up a couple hours later to take his snake to the vet. I decided to get them up and give them breakfast, let them play. They were tired by a little after 6 so I put them down and they are now, thankfully, sleeping. No, I can't also sleep right now. Hubby is in bed and has to get up soon anyway, so that would wake me up. I will sleep later.

It's getting to a really bad point though. DH is going to see his cousin this weekend. He told me about it a month ago, but never reminded me until yesterday that he was going. He is taking Friday and Saturday off to go up there. At first I didn't mind, but now I really do. He has been away a few times this year. I have not. Whenever I do get to do something, it is only for a few hours. For example, I had a spa party the other day. I told DH about it quite awhile ago. Earlier last week I even reminded him, but he put it out of his mind. So, he had to go into work on Sat., the day of the spa party. I was counting on him not working so I could get the house ready and everything. But no. He had to work. He got home late and took the girls, which was great, and I had a good time at the party. But it was only for a few hours, and they returned right when I was getting my massage so all I heard during the massage was babies screaming. I have never been able to just get away, or even just stay home, with no worries of the girls. If we are both at home, I am the "default" caregiver. He does not take initiative to do anything and quite honestly, it is getting to me. Anytime we try to talk about things, he gets defensive, doesn't listen, and turns it back around on me. I'm sick of that.

Yes, I know we need to get counseling. We are planning on it.

On top of all this, I need to find a nanny. I cannot pay the crazy amounts that a lot of people are willing to pay. Looking on Craigslist, well, that just makes me nervous even though I guess I should just try it.

Thanks for the comments on the naps! Lately, the girls have been taking 2 naps. 2 long naps! So for now, I will keep them at 2 naps, except for the day we have our music class! They absolutely love this class. At the end, they have a parachute and the instructor warned us that some kids get scared. I was thinking mine might get scared. I was wrong! S. totally loved the parachute. She was in the middle of the mat looking up and saying, "Ooh! Ooh!" It was so damn cute. M. also liked it, but wasn't quite as excited as S.

I won't lie, my break this time has been more challenging than spring break was. My girls have definitely hit toddlerhood! There are little tantrums frequently throughout the day. Sometimes I find them amusing. S. will lie down on the floor and start to kick her legs, but doesn't quite go full blown flailing- yet. Sometimes they are super clingy- I must be sitting in the actual play area with them. If I am on the other side of the baby gate, they do not like that at all. During this clingy time, they also both hang on me- which I do like. Needless to say I have been quite busy with them, and it is draining. That said, I absolutely love this stage. They find everything so exciting, so new. On the fourth of July, they had people blowing bubbles. Not just little bubbles, but large bubbles too. The girls were entranced with the bubbles and kept signing "bubbles" M. even woke up the next morning and the first thing she did was sign "bubbles"!

Having twins is so amazing and every day I am thankful for my girls. Every day I also think about my IF sisters. Even if I do not always write about it, know that you are in my mind always and I will never, ever forget the struggles of IF.

Let's talk about naps. The girls are 15 months now, and have been taking 2 naps a day. Recently, I've thought that they may want to go to 1 nap. So I tried that for a couple days. They were so tired by the time they had lunch. So I decided to try 2 naps again today. Went fine! They took two 2 hour naps! And Maya would have slept longer, but I woke her after a little over 2 hours. So I guess for now we will continue with the two naps. Please share your experiences! How did you know it was time to go to 1 nap?

You cannot believe the crap I have been through this week with stupid job crap. I don't even want to go into detail right now, but I'm still in limbo. The district sucks, principals suck, the way we have to bid on jobs sucks.

I will survive.

I got another call!! So, I have an interview on Monday and this weekend I have to answer those interview questions. Busy weekend!

HA! Of course now that I post that complaining post, I get an email from a school! I think some principals were just lagging. So I have a bunch of interview questions to respond to and submit. The good part is, I do much better with writing answers than interviewing in person and speaking about it! The downside is that there are 16 questions, and they do require pretty lengthy responses! I don't want to send them a book though!

Jen- it isn't about me costing more since I already have a job with the district. So, no matter where I go, I will cost the same. Now, they CAN screw up at the district office. They are the ones who put the lists together. A few years ago, they definitely screwed up. I was at a school that was "closing" and had to bid on jobs. I had GATE certification, but the district thought I didn't. So, they did not put my name on lists. Plus they always screw stuff up. I just hate it. But I am glad to know that I at least got on this list- and it is one of the schools that got ALL the names. Wish me luck!

This is going to be a total complaining post, but I really need to vent.

I decided that I would bid on jobs, meaning I want to leave my current position of Literacy Coach. I know I've blogged a bit about it, but I just cannot stay with this program any more. It has gotten ridiculous. Plus, my commute is just way too far for my liking.

A lot of people retired from the district this year, so there were a lot of jobs posted. I bid on some elementary positions, some positions at K-8 schools- where the position was a 7th or 8th grade class, I bid on one literacy coach position too. So what happens is, you bid on jobs on the computer, HR gets lists together and sends them to principals. The way they did it this time was that magnet schools and schools that are really low performing got ALL the names. Higher performing schools first got names of teachers who had been excessed, and then would get names in order of seniority. I had already delivered my resume to schools so they could see my name and me resume before they got the list. Quite honestly, my resume is good. Damn good. I got NO calls. There is a small chance some of the schools have not started making calls, but most have. The more I think about how I have not gotten any calls, the more incredulous I get.

A couple of the schools I thought I had an excellent chance at because they are very low performing, and not in a "desirable" area. No calls. I don't get it. The other thing that is making me suspicious is that when you bid on a job, it sends you a confirmation email and also shows up on your web page. I got the emails, but only 1 application showed up on my web page. I called IT and they said I had applied for 13 positions (I really applied for 15), so I thought it was ok. Well, this past Tuesday I checked my web page and ALL the positions I bid on were up with an application date of Tuesday. So then I was worried that HR is just trying to cover their ass and say that I was on the lists. So I emailed someone in HR yesterday, who forwarded that email to someone. Did not hear anything today. If I do not hear anything by mid-day tomorrow, I'm going down there. I just want to know that my name did get put through.

Luckily, they are having another posting next Friday. Not as many jobs will be up, but hopefully something good will be on it. I just can't get over how I have gotten ZERO calls. I really hate how this is done in my district.

Photos!

We had a photo shoot yesterday, and the teaser pics are up on the photographer's website!
Sweetface Photography

I always have ideas for new blog posts- or even new blogs- and then I get home, get busy and totally forget! I need to at least sign in and start the blog entry when I think of it. I'm sure the ideas will come back to me though. I did have a thought to start an education blog. That is something I may just do. I have plenty to say about that topic! I am also likely going back to the classroom next year, so blogging about that would actually be useful for me. We'll see if I get around to creating it!

Today I went to schools I bid on jobs for and gave them my resume. I also found out that this year the principals are getting all the names on the lists. In the past, they have gotten the first 5 names, in order of seniority. So, that could often be a problem for newer teachers. Especially if you wanted a position at a school that was "desirable." I'm not sure that would have been a problem for me this year though. All of the schools I bid on are closer to where I live now. And all of those schools aren't in the particularly "desirable" areas. It just felt good to put my resume in. It also feels good to look at my resume and see everything I have accomplished. When you are living it, that's one thing, but to sit back for a minute, and really see what you've done- that's a nice feeling.

I feel like I'm starting a new chapter in my life. We live in a new area of town, the girls are toddlers (!!!), I am likely getting a new position, and most of the positions are at K-8 schools, which is a concept that intrigues me. I want to see how that works for students, and if it is any better than a traditional middle school.

I'm really looking forward to the summer. I can't wait to spend every day with the girls! We have tons of parks, the zoo, you name it, we have it! And they get so excited about everything. I love watching them! I can't wait to go to the zoo with them. I know they will absolutely love it.

I know. I know! I've been MIA! I can't help it. Working full time, the opposite shift as your hubby, and being a twin mommy makes you busy!

The girls are doing awesome. They are 14 1/2 months. Holy crap! Time goes by so fast. And in the last 3 1/2 months, they have grown SO much! Both are walking very well now. They still fall, but Maya has not had any major spills like she used to! Sofia says, "baby" and I think she tries to say "dog." And of course, they both say the standard "mama" and "dada." Maya tried once to say "duck" but of course, she thought she was saying "dog" because she said it, then signed dog.

And talk about signing! All of a sudden, they are signing like crazy! When I take Maya downstairs for breakfast in the morning, I ask her, "What are we going to go do?" and she signs eat. They both sign "more," but it does happen to be Maya's favorite sign. Both also sign dog and cat. I have started signing milk again since they have been away from bottles now for 3 1/2 months! Also, they have tried to sign other signs while watching Baby Signing Times. Oh! How could I forget? When the song comes on, they sign "baby" "signing" "Time" It is so cute!

This age is so fun. And I think it is just going to get more and more fun!! They are hilarious with the things they do! And I love it when they crack each other up.

Here are some recent pics:

Sofia

Maya

Being silly

Sofia

Product Review: Munchkin Caterpillar Spillers

I'm excited to be doing some product reviews on my blog!

For the first review, I tried out Munchkin Caterpillar Spillers. I was excited to get a new bath toy since the girls don't have many, and they love the bath. This bath toy is a set of cups that stack as well as interlock to make a caterpillar. They come in bright colors, which I loved, as did the girls. In fact, they preferred the bright colors to their other bath toy that is similar, but are pastel colors. Each cup has a different design cut out on the bottom, allowing water to spill through. Of course, this was a big hit with the girls!

Ahhh.... testing season. It is the time of year when school is almost over- but not really. The testing begins and starts to fry the last remaining brain cells of our overworked students.

I had the great joy of getting to experience test coordination. The Degrees of Reading Power (DRP) was administered this week. Only the schools participating in the project I work for take it. The other schools take Gates-McGinnity. This week they get the DRP. Next week, the CST. 4 days of that. Unless you are an 8th grader. Then you get 6 days. How lucky! You also have to remember ALL the history you've learned from 6th grade to 8th grade. When will test writers learn that middle schoolers can hardly remember what they did an hour ago, let alone three years ago!

In reality, my experience with coordinating went fairly smoothly. Most teachers were cooperative and understanding. But is it really the best use of a Literacy Coaches time to be sharpening pencils and organizing test materials for the school?? You would think "they" would rather have coaches working with teachers. To improve actual instruction.

Universe? Are you out there? Are you listening? If not, LISTEN NOW!! Keep Nat pregnant!! What is happening is SO unfair. Beyond unfair. Keep the little bean in there and healthy! She deserves to have a child. She is a great person and a wonderful mom. Keep her pregnant, dammit.

If you are reading this, please go to Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies and offer your support and positive thoughts.

I know! I haven't updated in so long.

I am on Spring Break! I so needed this break. It's pretty interesting- before now I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. Work is a nice outlet in a way. But Monday, my first official day on spring break, I kept thinking about how great it would be to stay home all the time! I know it would be less stress. Right now it is very difficult to run all the errands I need to. I also wouldn't have work stress. I've also had a great time with the girls so far this week. I really like this age! They have these cute personalities and are learning so much right now. I don't want to miss any of it. But, there is no way we can afford for me to stay home.

I did decided, however, that I am bidding on a new position. Part of it- well most of it- has to do with the crazy people I work with and for. I can't take them any more. I also found some schools that are only about 10-15 min. from my house, and a few of them are K-8 schools that will be adding 8th grade next year! Plus, these are schools that most people don't look to go to if they have some seniority. So, I'm hoping this is a good thing and I get a position at a closer school. At least I would spend less time commuting.

The girls are doing great! Maya is 19 lbs and Sofia is 21 lbs. Still 2 lbs apart! Sofia is a little taller than Maya- but not by much. I think Maya was 28 inches and Sofia was 28 3/4 inches.

I need to take more pictures. I cannot find my camera battery charger, so I haven't been taking any. I need to find it!

The girls have also started signing some. Today, Maya started to sign "more." I thought it was a fluke at breakfast, so at lunch I waited until her tray was empty and then she signed "more"! She also signs "milk," which actually means "Bottle" to her. And she can sign "all done."

Sofia signs "all done" and "milk" which I recently discovered also means "bottle" for her. We have been transitioning to all sippy cups. Sofia was doing great with it too! But then yesterday at lunch, she wanted more to drink- which was milk in a sippy cup. So, as I got her more milk in the sippy I of course signed "more milk." Well, she started screaming. And kept screaming, even after I gave her the sippy! I finally figured out she meant "bottle." I wrapped up lunch, took the girls to the playroom and quickly got Sofia a bottle since she hadn't stopped screaming. Then while I was giving her the bottle, Maya saw her drinking from the bottle and of course started crying for it! I was able to put Sofia down for her nap and then get Maya a small bottle and put her down for her nap. Exhausting! But, I learned my lesson. I am not signing "milk" for a very long time- until they have forgotten about bottles! I also hid all of the bottles because if they even see one, they go crazy!

The summer can't come fast enough!

Ok, I just saw the comments on my post before the first birthday post. Honestly, I don't even remember writing it! It was that bad. Wow. Thanks for all the comments!

We cannot afford a night nurse. I'd rather pay for a housekeeper anyway! :) Oh, and we also don't pay for daycare. Hubby goes in a couple hours late to work, that is much cheaper than paying for daycare. However, it has been a huge strain. We have found a cheaper nanny agency and will be hiring a nanny next school year. Psychiatrist seemed to think my reaction was a normal reaction to babies screaming and getting no sleep. He is probably right! I've been much better since doing CIO and getting sleep.

First Birthday!

The girls are 1 today. Wow! It went by so fast. The early days were really tough, and they seemed to go by slow, but then they also went by fast. I'm still amazed that my body created and carried two perfect humans. The girls are doing so well. Maya has taken some steps! Sofia is standing on her own for a bit. They are also starting to sign! Both can do the "all done" sign, and Maya today signed "more" after I signed it. They are at a really fun age right now. They like to try to copy things I do, they are getting a sense of humor, eating table foods- it's amazing!

On the sleep front, things are getting better. I haven't been posting much because I had been so tired and busy. Maya was waking every night wanting me, and about 2 weeks ago, Sofia started waking as well. I had a week or so of very little sleep. It was awful. It got to a point where one night I had gotten about 2 hours of sleep and had to call in sick the next day because I was so exhausted. I decided to once again try CIO. I hate doing it, but I NEEDED sleep. The first night was actually fairly easy, second night, not easy at all. It kills me to hear them cry. However, after about 3-4 nights, I am happy to report that for two nights in a row, Maya has NOT woken at all! Sofia still has, buy she quickly goes back to sleep. They are also sleeping later in the morning. And taking better naps. I think they needed sleep almost as much as I did! So while I hate CIO, I think it really was the best solution for us.

The birthday party went well! It was pretty stressful- we had a lot of people and a lot of babies! I invited two other twin families, so we had 6 1 yr olds (or almost 1), an 8 month old, 2 two year olds, and 4 older kids. Plus all the parents! It was crazy but fun. Here are some photos:





The girls in their birthday tutus



Waiting for cake







Pinata


Beautiful tutus made by my friend

I haven't been keeping up with my blog because I've been so busy. I'm at a point now where it's all getting to me. Some nights are good, others I don't get any sleep. Like last night. I only got 2 hours at a time. Both girls were up on and off throughout the night. So of course I was extremely tired today. I went to a play date, pretty late, and I was hoping it would tire the girls out. I got them to bed at 7:30 and they went down easy. Only to wake again at 11. Both woke and were screaming. Then I start freaking out because I'm exhausted, and can't soothe both at once. I was able to get them both into their chairs and get them bottles, which helped, but by this point we were all crying.

I called hubby in the middle of this, but he wasn't any help. He's in a tough spot because he can't leave work really, but I also can't do this by myself sometimes. But I do think he blows it off more than he should. Now I'm crying again- he does a LOT, more than his share, but lately I just...can't. It's like I've given all I can give and I have nothing left for keeping up w/ housework.

I'm going to blame some of this on my psychiatrist. I'm now up to 50 mg on Paxil and obviously, it isn't working. I need to get on a different medication I think. But it's weird because I'll be fine on it and then something will happen, or maybe a series of things happen, and I just can't deal with it. And I'm blaming him because he doesn't do any therapy. It's all about the drugs- that's the only focus. Which now having gone through this, I don't think is effective.

Fuck!

Nat, over on "Relaxing Doesn't Make Babies" got AF. SO UNFAIR. It really pisses me off. She is such a great person, and so deserving, and life keeps handing her shit. It's crap like this that confirms in me that all those organized religions are wrong. There is not some omnipresent being sitting up there controlling things. I do believe in energy and the power of thought, but dammit! It didn't work this time- when it should have!!