Oh, thanks for all the great comments :)

It still doesn't feel quite real. It's amazing that it is finally my turn. Of course, I'm still worried, but I'm trying not to stress at all. I have to remind myself that just because I don't have too many symptoms yet, that is normal and ok. 9 days until my ultrasound!

I haven't been able to sleep well for the past 2 nights. Last night, I woke up at 12:30 and didn't get back to sleep until 1:30. Tonight, I was up at 1:30 but got back to sleep. Of course now, I'm up at 5 am. I decided to get up, hoping that when I go back to bed I can fall back asleep. I'm just uncomfortable when I wake up too. Weird, because I'm so tired.

Phew!

I was sooooooo nervous today! Especially since my boobs have stopped hurting today. I finally got the call a little while ago, and everything is great! My beta was 1600!

August 9th is my first ultrasound :)

The nurse at my clinic made me feel a little better. I was super nervous this morning, since today is my second beta. I told her I was nervous, and first she thought I was nervous about having multiples! I said no, I'm nervous because I want it to stick!

She then told me I had a really good number and that usually with IUI's they do not see numbers that high. Usually, they see numbers in the hundreds or a little lower. So, that made me feel a little better. Of course, I'm still a bit nervous though. Doesn't help that I woke up this morning and my boobs aren't really sore - even when I squeeze them. Never mind the fact I woke up in the middle of the night and felt super nauseous and just uncomfortable. Today is going to be another long day.

Another day down, one more full day to go! I have been stressing less, which is good. I also have been having some symptoms: peeing all the time, extremely thirsty, somewhat sore boobs. I actually didn't think they were sore, and then I squeezed them. Ow! Right now I'm a bit nauseous, have gas, and am bloated! Bring it on!!! :)

Someone asked to explain what a beta is, so here is an explanation. Basically, it is the blood test they do to detect Hcg in your blood. The beta gets a number, which tells you how MUCH is in your blood. They repeat the beta after a couple days to detrming the doubling times. Normal pregnancies will double every 72 hours.
Here is a link:
Beta Numbers

My last chemical pregnancy I had a beta of 14 - really low, and it ended soon after. This one is much better, 311. It is definitely a good number. Of course now, I have to NOT stress about if it will double. I have to wait until Monday to see, and I am so trying NOT to stress, but I am a stress case. I'm trying not to think about any absence of symptoms or anything, but I always start to think about it. I just need to slap myself! :)

And the Results Are In!

I have been waiting all day. I've been going out of my mind too!! So, I just got the call from my doctor. Here is how the conversation went:

doc: Congratulations!

me: What? (I really didn't know what she was saying, why is she congratulating me??)

doc: you are pregnant!

me: What? Oh my god? REALLY??

Then I think she was laughing at me :)

I asked her what my number was and she said it was really good, 311! WAY better than my 14 last time! So I go back in on Monday for my next beta. Oh I hope it goes up appropriately!

I still can't believe it.

Beta Day

Well, I went and got my blood drawn. Now I wait. That's always fun! I also always get paranoid when I go for blood draws. I always think they are going to mess up. Today, she had 2 tubes. I thought they only took 1 for betas?? That was the only thing checked on my sheet. I asked her, but her answer didn't make sense. I sometimes wonder how much the techs actually know about what each test is. She didn't seem to know what it was, which is odd to me.

2 Days till B-day.

Yes, it's going by really slow. At this point, not sure what to think. I had some cramps yesterday and then last night I woke up with cramps :( I'm TRYING not to think about anything my body is doing, but it is really hard. I'm on break right now, so all I have been doing is sitting at home. That gives me a lot of time to think about every little thing my body is doing, or not doing! Luckily, I do have the new Harry Potter book to keep me busy!

I have also been taking my temp the last few days, just because I was curious! I know injects can mess with the temps, but I was curious. And it has been high. But I'm trying not to think about any of this!!!

So let's see, what else can I ramble on about to keep my mind off things? Harry Potter is excellent! Very dark, I love it. I'm a little more than halfway through. All my friends are farther along than me, so we can't yet discuss the book, and that sucks. I also went to see the new Harry Potter movie this past weekend. I was disappointed. I knew before I went that they had cut a lot out. I was prepared, but I was still disappointed. I think they could have done a better job. I was mad that they basically cut Kreacher out of the movie. They showed him a couple times, but he played a large role! And in the new book he also plays a large role, so they really should not have cut him out of the movie. Do they even consult Rowling when writing the script for the movie I wonder? The movie just seemed disjointed and I wondered if someone (like my husband) went to see the movie and had not read the book, would they understand? And he did understand, but he did not get everything of course since they cut so much out. Honestly, I think they should've cut down the part with Dumbledore's Army practicing, and put in Neville's part.

Three days 'till beta. Gulp!

I did like the discussion about herbal teas and diet in the book Inconceivable. She was told to drink rasberry tea to aid with fertility. I was interested in finding out more, so I just did a search on pregnancy and teas. Well, it turns out you should NOT drink rasberry tea if you are pregnant. Should also NOT drink hibiscous, chammomile, and some others. They are actually used for making miscarriages. So I'm guessing she only drank this before ovulation?? I certainly hope so! Too bad she didn't write any of this in her book.

So, I finished the book. I have mixed emotions about it. In one way, it is inspiring! However, it came off to me like she was preaching about changing your diet and doing visualization INSTEAD of medical intervention. Well, honestly, she got LUCKY when she had her second baby. Her FSH was 30 when she conceived. Yes, she lowered it by her diet and herbs, but it wasn't just that.

I'm convinced that there is something else that goes on when you conceive. You can have the most perfect timing, nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with the sperm, and still not conceive. And other times, you do conceive. I don't think the numbers have everything to do with it, but neither does diet and visualization. If it did, the drug addicts and junk food addicts would never get pregnant. But they do. Plenty.

At the very end of the book, she does talk about listening to your body, and doing what YOU believe is best. This I agree with! I wish that message had come across clearer throughout the entire book. It didn't though - it was more say no to medical intervention! And I really don't agree with that.

So overall, I'm glad I read her book. It wasn't as great as many had made it out to be, but it was a good read and a bit inspiring.

On a side note, I decided to try to eat yogurt again today. I haven't been able to eat it since I started taking metformin, but I figured, hey, it should be fine, I've been taking the metformin a long time. So I got all natural granola and made a parfait thing. It did not sit well with me!! I was on the toilet and now I have horrible heartburn! Guess I cannot have yogurt ever. It's weird because other dairy I an handle just fine.

I ordered some books from Amazon, and they arrived today! I started reading one of the books I ordered, Inconcievable by Julia Indichova. An hour later, I've read over half of it! I like hte book, easy to read. There is a lot I can relate to, however, she is talking about secondary infertility. To me, that is very different from primary infertility. Yes, she went through many of my same emotions, and she does know how lucky she is to have her daughter at home. But I think I would rather read a book like this about a woman going through primary infertility.

Now, I haven't read the whole thing, but another part is sort of bugging me. She talks a lot about alternative medicine - which I am all for! I liked her descriptions of people she went to who she didn't have confidence in. It reminded me a lot of myself! The part I'm at now, she has changed her diet and is doing yoga - both are great! I used to do yoga religiously! I've also changed my diet drastically since my early twenties. But I guess the part that is really bugging me is that SO many women get pregnant who do NOT eat healthy, who do eat processed foods, and are even drug addicts! Sure, I accept that eating healthy will increase your chances, but no way is it the only way. If it was, a crap load of women who are getting pregnant out there would not be.

Perhaps some bodies are more sensitive than others, but it cannot only be about diet. I do want to look into yoga again. I love yoga, but my gym doesn't offer it at good times anymore. It's hard for me to pay for yoga classes, I always think I can use my money for better purposes. I don't like doing yoga at home really. Going to a class helps me get through it, plus I like the guided meditation at the end. Maybe I'll see if there are cheaper studios.

As I think more and more about it, I really think last time I did injects I did not ovulate. This time, I had the ovulation pain, plus I feel like I normally feel after I ovulate. I've also had really sore boobs. Last time, I did not feel like I had ovulated.

This is going to be a long two week wait! I am on break with nothing to do! Yesterday I couldn't believe I was only 3 dpo! Seems like the IUI was much longer ago.

I'm pretty sure the pain I was having yesterday was ovulation, or getting ready to ovulate. It's almost completely subsided today. Still a little pain, but nothing like yesterday! I'm still bloated though - not quite as much as yesterday. Hopefully all of the follies ovulated and none turn into cysts!

Last night, as I was falling asleep, I thought of something really witty to blog about. Of course, I didn't write it down so I totally forgot what it was. So I will continue with unwitty and practical posts :)

My husband is gone until Tuesday. His grandmother was just diagnosed with lung cancer and given about 3 weeks to live. She's been having a lot of health problems. She is 85 and has had a good life, but it is still sad. I'm glad I got to meet her and spend time with her prior to this. She is a very cool lady and even at 85, still not taking crap from her husband! She has a great sense of humor, and just a great lady.

The IUI was today! I was scared once again that I had already ovulated because since Tuesday, I've been having pain in my right ovary. She did the ultrasound, and I had not ovulated, so that was good! She did say they grew a bit, so that could be why. Also, I'm probably getting ready to ovulate, so that could be another reason. I had about 3 follies on each side that will ovulate.

We had 99 mil sperm this time! Great number. I told hubby it was because of the vitamins - I've been home to make sure he takes them this time - but he wasn't buying that.

The actual IUI was more painful this time. There was cramping when she put the catheter in, then more cramping as she injected the sperm. Even after she took it out, I was still cramping a bit, and felt bloated. However, I think this may be a good thing, I'm hoping! Now, I'm feeling really bloated, pain still on my side, and just not feeling great at all. It's a good thing I'm on break right now.

So now the lovely 2 week wait! I really hope this is the one.

Yesterday I had an u/s and my follies were looking good! I had about 6-7 that looked like they would go. I had another u/s today, and I am set to go!! She found about 5 that looked large enough to go, but I have a feeling there might be 1-2 more that were hiding. So tonight I do ganirelix and my trigger. I go in Thursday morning for the IUI! I need lots of luck and NO CYST vibes!

Ok, had u/s and b/w today! Have a lot of little follies, with about 2 measuring at 10 or 11 right now. My Estrogen is at 195 which is good. Last time, when I over responded, it was over 400! I go in tomorrow for b/w only and then based on that, we will see when I go in for another u/s.

So, I need lots of positive thoughts this cycle! This HAS to be the one!

Sunday, I called my doctor's office to start my new cycle. I know they told me before to call on the weekend. So I talked to the answering service and all they told me was to call back the next day. Yeah, real helpful! I was freaking out because I had jury duty today. They scheduled me at 3:30, and I hoped I would be out by then.

I sat around jury duty all day. I had a book to read, but those chairs are not comfy!! We got a 2 hour lunch, but they said they needed us back. Then, 1 1/2 hours after lunch, at 3 pm, they said they didn't need us, we were done. I was gettig worried! That was cutting it close! But I made it to my appointment.

So this cycle I'm taking 100 of the follistim. They know 125 is too much, and last time when they dropped it low, my E2 also went low, so she is hoping this is the perfect dose!
I'll go in Thursday for blood and ultrasound.

I do need to get my head in a better place though. I'm pretty depressed about it right now, and not happy I have to do injects again.