Thursday, December 06, 2007

It's funny to me. It seems a lot of people are able to rely on their family for many things, and that's wonderful. Me, I've never been able to rely on my family, so that's nothing new. But hubby has been able to rely on his family for some things, until now it seems. I guess it's just funny to me that some of our friends have been more supportive and helpful to us since finding out we are having twins than any of our families! A friend of mine sent me a TON of stuff recently - tons of clothes, and I mean tons! A Bumbo, Bjorn, and other really useful stuff that will totally come in handy! Now another friend is going to give us another bag of clothes! But our families really haven't said much about anything. Hubby's dad at first said he would help us, and told us a few times specifically that he'd send money. He never did. Part of the problem is he's an alcoholic. My dad was an alcoholic too, so I know they talk big and don't follow through. But honestly, before now he has followed through. So I guess I thought if it was important he would do it. Guess not. And the rest of his family hasn't really said much about anything. And, really, I don't want it to sound like I'm being greedy or anything, but I just thought we'd have more family support. So I know that this is one area that WILL change as we raise our babies. They will have family support. My family was never close, and I want our new family to be close and have a good relationship, so I am going to work on that. I know no family is perfect, but I can make it better for my kids.

OH Good god. I thought the "lovely" anon posts were done - guess not. Since this person only read "money" in my post - let me clarify. I'm not just talking about money. I'm talking more about emotional support, and follow through. If you say you are going to do something, do it. We will be fine financially - yes, I'm stressing, but I stress, that is me. It's not just about money. It's about putting family first. It's about priorities. Basically, friends of ours have showed more concern emotionally about us than our families.

I'm seriously laughing at this comment because it talks about me not being ready. Um, ok. Have you read any of my blog?? Almost 2 years of TTC and I'm not ready. Sorry, don't think so! I'm also not immature. I've had to deal with FAR more than MOST people have to EVER deal with in their ENTIRE LIFETIME. My struggles go back to childhood. I have NEVER had it easy. But, I am stronger for it and I have turned out well. I have a good job, a great husband, a home, and expecting 2 babies! Yes, I know I will have many sleepless nights - you think I didn't think about that? Come ON! I had over 2 years of thinking about that. Your comments remind me of a typical "fertiles" comments.

Like I said before, even though I gave some monetary examples, it's not about money. It's about showing that you CARE. It's about doing what you can within your means and making family a priority. We have had not really had that from our families. And you know what? Yes, some material items do come into play. I don't expect much, I really don't, but I do expect family to come first. Our friends have treated us more like family than our family. That was the point.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

It is disturbing that two grown adults expect money for a planned pregnancy. Should you not have saved up to have children before going to such lengths to conceive. I have had 5 children and supported them ourselves. We certainly never expected money from family and would have refused it. We are adults who provide for our own. Money equals support? I don't get that. Support could be joy, offering to babysit now and then, empathizing with your aches and pains, but to call support by the same name as money appears to me that you are really not ready. Do you expect "support" to put them through college? To pay for their braces? What makes you think a loving family provides those things for their grown children who have CHOSEN to become parents and take on all that goes with this? Something tells me that you are going to have to mature very, very quickly. There will be night after night when you will get no sleep. You will still have to function the next day. There will be bouts of illness and all sorts of things that it will be your job to figure out how to pay for. Adults do not expect to rely on others. Adults plan ahead. Only in a disaster, an unplanned unavoidable disaster would I expect my family to offer money. In fact, I would be quite insulted.

Natalie said...

I'm sorry your family isn't showing much support. :( One can always hope things change after the baby arrives right? But at least you have friends.

Anon - I think you miss the entire point of her post and are making assumptions about... well, pretty much everything. :rollseyes: I don't think you know this blogger very well at ALL or you wouldn't be posting. I mean seriously, what the hell does nights of no sleep have to do with wishing your parents were showing support?? Good grief I hate anon posters in blogs.

THE JOURNEY TO A HAPPY HEALTHIER ME.... said...

Heather- I get what you mean about the family thing. It is very important in my book too- my side of the family is more supportive than dh's but then when you get into my side- my Mom's is the complete opposite of my Dad's...so I understand what you mean. It is difficult when they say they will do something and then there is no follow through- it is difficult especially now. I am very glad that you do have many friends that are there for you- sometimes as adults friends become closer than our actual families, they become our families. Sending you lots of love- take care!

And as for this 'Anon' person- get a life- actually read what someone is blogging about before posting a comment about them needing to mature- if you knew anything about anything you would NEVER have said what you did- or well, maybe you are the one in need of maturing. who knows. Trust me, this person that you made these horrible remarks about has done way more thinking than you can ever have imagined.

Juju from NI said...

Just wanted to say I'm glad to hear that your pregnancy is going well. You are glowing in those belly shots! I'm sorry that your family isn't being very supportive. I know that must be hard. You waited so long, I'm sure you want everyone to be over to moon with you. My ILs weren't all that supportive, but my family made up for it. Hopefully your friends can do the same for you all. I'm also sorry that you have to deal with anonymous posters that such such rude, uncalled for things. Please try to ignore it! Anyway, congrats again!

The Dunn Family said...

I hate anonymous posters. If you feel so strongly to write a post that is so mean, at least be a "grown adult" as you say you are, and put your name on it.

I am sorry you aren't getting support from your family. My family did offer us both financial and emotional support. It's tough having kids, tough having to spend all that money on even getting pregnant, and I fully appreciated my family's help. I wasn't at all insulted by my family offering money. Just like I live to take care of my kids, my parents feel that way about me. They would do anything to help make my life easier, just like I hope to be able to do for my kids when they are older.

There is no doubt that you will be a great parent to your kids, and accept all the help that your friends have to offer. Sometimes your friends ARE your family. Sounds like that may be the case for you. Hopeful you can find some of your emotional support online from us bloggers!

hugs!

Mrs. Piggy said...

Do you think anon poster knows you? Why is a person with 5 kids on an infertility/pregnancy blog? just seems odd...
What a bitch! Someone needs to get some fucking holiday spirit.

You look so awesome by the way. I am closely following your journey since I'm having twins too :)

singletracey said...

I can't believe how the time is passing! Not having family support must be hard... But your strong.. I can tell by the way you have handled your pregnancy and anon posters :-)

Happy Holidays!!