I took Sofia to the doctor today. Last week, I noticed what looked like baby acne on her face and neck. I wanted to make sure it was acne and not some other type of rash, so I called the pediatrician. Now, they have after hours and weekend care, and I thought you just call the main line. Well, the person on the phone was pretty clueless. But she got my message ok, or so I thought. Usually I get a call back the same day. I did not get a call. That was last Friday. I figured sometime over the weekend the on call doctor would call. Nope! So on Monday I called back and discovered that in the computer it said a doctor (not my doctor) called me back and left a message. Well, I never got a message and the number did not show up on my cell phone. Weird. So I put another message in and my doctor called me back, thankfully! Over the phone he thought it was heat rash, but said I could bring her in, so I did!

It was not heat rash (didn't think it was), but basically cradle cap. He had another name for it, which I forget, but said it was basically cradle cap which I think is basically eczema. So I have to get Selsan Blue for her scalp and a hydrocortisone cream for her skin. Hopefully it will clear it up!

The nurse weighed her - 9 lbs 3 oz! That was with her clothes on so I think Sofia is probably just under 9 lbs or right at 9 lbs! She is getting big! Now I wonder how much Maya weighs.

This was also my first time going out alone with a baby. I only took one so it would be easier. I'm still dreading taking them both out. I'm actually scared about it! Once I just do it, I think I'll be fine though.

Tomorrow is my 6 week post partum appointment. I think one of my stitches cxame open. I'm thinking it happened during the D&C because before that, it didn't really hurt down there. After, it hurt. I also looked the other day and it looks like one part that should have been close, is open.

I'm also going to see if I can get back on paxil. I was on it before TTC and it really helped. I've been pretty depressed since giving birth, and while it's gotten better, I'm still not completely better. I didn't really realize that I was that depressed until I went to my therapy appointment earlier this week. She was a bit more in my face - which normally she is not. I normally just talk, but she was worried about me this time. This is a psychologist, so she can't prescribe meds. Anyway, I realized that me not wanting to go out and do anything is really a symptom of depression. I'm also not motivated to do anything and feel overwhelmed. Of course, I'm sure some of this is because I have twins, but I do think meds will really help me get back to normal.

Had a horrible night last night. Having twins plus lack of sleep is really not good for a marriage! We got things worked out, but I'm so sick of fighting. I've also felt resentful toward hubby, which doesn't help and I need to get over it. It's just hard when he gets to go to work, and I'm stuck in the house. I do get out to run errands when he's home, which is nice, but the other day he called and basically wanted me home asap because the girls were freaking out. That frustrated me. There has been a couple more times where I thought he could have dealt with the girls more and let me sleep - but he didn't and so I haven't been getting sleep. So all of this on top of no sleep is really not good.

I think we need to communicate and listen to each other better. I knew having twins would be stressful on the marriage, but I definitely didn't realize how much!


My girls are growing! Maya is in newborn size diapers finally and Sofia has graduated to size 1! I keep wondering if/when Maya will catch up in size. She is so much smaller.

I also tested the Playtex nipples with the Dr. Brown's bottles, and they work! So now I can buy the BPA free bottles and just use the Playtex nipples. I am so relieved!

Some photos:

Yeah, I spoke too soon!! After the 2 am feeding, they were pretty fussy all night long. Especially Maya! She was grunting all night and would only stop when I picked her up and laid her next to me!

The girls are tracking objects now, so we practiced that a little today with one of their toys. Right now they are sleeping and I would love to either sleep or clean but they fell asleep on their newborn loungers on the couch and I know if I pick them up and put them in the pack n play that they will wake up!


Wow, my punctuation is now getting critiqued! Yes, I just used an exclamation point there, oh the horror. Good thing I am an English teacher, like to write, and know grammar and punctuation rules. Yep, I know when to use an exclamation point, and at least I don't put fifty million of them at the end of one sentence.

I'm probably speaking too soon, but the girls haven't been that fussy today!! Well, Maya was a little fussy while I was trying to nap, but usually they are crying constantly past 5 o'clock. What I have been doing differently is sitting on the couch with them on their newborn loungers right next to me. They sleep better and are much calmer when they are right next to me.

It is getting a bit easier too! It's just such a HUGE change when you bring twins home! Now, things are getting more routine and because hubby takes the first night feeding - or actually early morning feeding- I'm actually getting some sleep which helps immensely! Now that we are getting more into a routine, I do get bored at times! I think because I am so used to working. I need to go on walks with the girls, but honestly I know that me carrying 2 car seats with the girls in them all the way down to my car (I live in a condo) will exhaust me. Yesterday, I went to the store and had a few bags of groceries - really not that much stuff- and carrying it to my condo about killed me! I'll be happy when my blood levels are back up! It would be much easier if my condos had a ramp, but they don't. The only way to get down to the driveway is by steps. I'm sure that is breaking some kind of code.

As for bottles, Michelle, the Playtex drop ins are BPA free! I'm not sure the Playtex nipples will fit the Dr. Brown's bottles though. It looked like it might leak, but I've still yet to actually try it out with liquid.

I watched 3 movies yesterday!! I pretty much camp out on the couch all day. I have my laptop, the tv, my 2 Boppy newborn loungers for the girls, and a pack n play to put them in when I need to go to the bathroom or make their bottles. First I watched I Am Legend. I love dystopian stories, but I wasn't sure if i would like this because of the whole Will Smith thing. So, I was expecting it to be bad. However, it was much better than I had though! I did enjoy it, though I didn't really like the end. I am interested to read the book, which I am sure is better! It will be interesting to see if the ending is different. I then watched Juno. I think this is my new favorite movie! The writing was excellent! I avoided this movie in the theatres since I knew it was about a pregnant teen, and I didn't think I could deal with that. But after seeing it, I don't think it would have bothered me! There was the whole adoption angle in the movie too, so that helped. Just a great movie. Last, I watched Once. I liked it! The music is great! I ordered the soundtrack while watching the movie because I liked it so much! The ending was sad though, but that's good. Too many happy endings in movies! This was more real.

The girls are doing great! They were not all that fussy yesterday, which was very nice! It also helped that I got sleep the night before.

On a message board I go to, there were posts about giving their infants cereal. All of the infants are about 1 month to 1 1/2 months old! That just seemed really early to me! Many of the posts said they wanted to do that so their baby would sleep through the night. I found this odd since first of all, there is NO evidence that this actually works. And second, cereal has no nutritional value, so it just seems weird to have infants fill up on this instead of breast milk or formula. I was just amazed at the number of people posting that they are doing this. Everything I have always read says to start solids around 5-6 months. I know sometimes pediatricians will say to put some cereal in the bottle around 4 months, but that is the earliest I have ever heard of it!

I have been using Playtex Ventaire bottles because their nipples are the slowest flow, and Maya really needs that! Of course, it kills me because the bottles have BPA in them and I did NOT want to use bottles with BPA! I bought a pack of Dr. Brown's bottles because on May 1st their BPA free bottles will be available, and I got really excited. So I wanted to try them out and see if they worked. Well, Sofia did ok with hem, but the nipples are way too fast for Maya! Formula was everywhere!! I had a feeling they would be too fast when I tested the formula on my wrist - I held the bottle upside down and the formula came out much faster than the playtex ones! With the playtex ones nothing comes out really. Maybe 1 drip. The Dr. Borwn's ones went drip, drip, drip, pretty fast. I might try and see if the playtex nipples will fit on the Dr. Brown's bottles. That would be nice if they did fit!

Sara: you crack me up! :) I did get a nap today, that was very nice!!

I use Similac formula. I need to call and get coupons from them. I know they do something for twins. I just need to call!

Hubby should be home soon so I can go get my hair. Oh and the best part, he is not going back to work! He is staying home! YAY! I was a little mad at him last night. He did the 2 am feeding, but he fed the girls and put them in the co-sleeper and then left the room. So a little later they got fussy and I had to deal with it - and he wasn't very nice about it when I wondered why they were fussy! But he felt bad this morning. Oh, and I was a bit mad because at the 11 o'clock feeding Maya wouldn't eat! Finally at midnight, she started eating! So I didn't even go to bed until after 1 am, so I was super tired.

I do hope I can start feeding them on demand soon! I don't think Maya is always hungry at the feedings, but then I get paranoid about her not eating. I wish I had a scale so I could weigh them. We don't go back to the pediatrician for about 4 weeks.

Today is my birthday. But, of course, I've had a fairly rough day. I know it's because I got very little sleep last night! Hubby had to work extra overtime so he could not do the night feeding like he has been. So I got about 2 hours of sleep. The days are always rougher when I get no sleep! Unfortunately hubby has to work all the overtime he can. He took 2 weeks off when the girls were born - and we weren't planning on doing that! He also took last Friday and Monday off since I was in the hospital. And he gets paid hourly. So, with that plus the huge expense of the damned formula, things are really tight. Good thing I don't go anywhere and use a lot of gas!

Hubby was very sweet today. He got me tulips, a birthday cake, a nice card, and he scheduled a hair appointment for me for tomorrow! He's actually taking a few hours off work so I can go do that. 'm not thrilled he's taking time off, but it will be SO nice to get my hair done! I haven't had it done in about 8 months!

I think my "best" friend forgot about b-day. Though not sure how since Myspace sends out b-day reminders. Oh well. She's too busy with her new boyfriend.

The girls have been super fussy today too! They like to play a new game. I feed them, they start to go to sleep. I try to sleep and they get fussy. Then about 10-15 min. before I have to feed them, they go to sleep- deep sleep!! I hate having to wake them to feed them.

Update

I am home! I got to go home Sunday. I'm still pretty weak and tired though. Hubby took work off yesterday, but I'm home alone today. It's been going ok. I have accepted that the girls will be fussy in the evening and that I won't get anything done, so I am just going to camp out on the couch with them and watch tv!

I talked to my doctor, he put me on iron. The nurses were surprised that the doctor at the hospital didn't! Dr. O was also surprised they didn't let me go home Saturday!! My blood level has stayed the same since Friday after the procedure. He said it would take about a month for the levels to go back up! So, I'm sure my milk supply will stay low. I will pump what I can.

Babies screaming!

Placental Remains

Wow, what a crazy few days!

So I have been bleeding off and on, passing clots, which my doctor said was normal. Well yesterday, all of a sudden I started bleeding heavily. Soaked through a pad in about 5 min and continued to bleed into the toilet. Hubby took me in to triage. The bleeding slowed a little, the on call doctor showed up and did a fun pelvic exam. Meanwhile, I started bleeding again. They sent me to radiology to get an ultrasound to determine of I had placental remains or just a bleed. They were supposed to determine that and then send me to the proper place - if I had remains, I was to have a D&C, if I was just bleeding, a something-embolism to stop the bleeding.

They hardly spoke to me in radiology. I heard something about placental remains. Meanwhile, I am bleeding heavily and I start feeling really light headed and I'm getting scared. They send me back to Triage without telling me or the person who took me back anything. The nurse in triage - who was awesome by the way - was furious. I was bleeding so much that it was decided I needed a D&C right away. They whisked me up to the recovery area and took my blood pressure. It was super low. I don't remember the top number, but the bottom number was 46. I was really scared!

They got me to the OR right away and I thought they were going to put me under, but they didn't. I got a spinal. I am glad they did not put me under because I was really scared of that! I was nervous for the spinal because my epidural was not a fun experience and I even jumped a little when they put in the epidural. This time was much better. Not sure if the anesthesiologist was just better or if it was better because I wasn't having contractions, but it was less painful than before! I also got some phentanol (I know I did not spell that right) to calm me down. That was nice. It was very fast acting and did its job! My OB was not around, and I was a little nervous about having an OB who I hadn't met until that day do the procedure, but then the other doctor from Dr. O's office came in and was going to do the D&C. That made me feel a lot better, and he even remembered me. Later I found out there were 3 OBs in the OR, I guess looking at the placental remains I had.

Even though I lost a lot of blood, I did not need a transfusion. I thought I would be going home today, but this morning after they checked my blood count, it was still low so I am staying another night. I have been really weak all day. Earlier, I got up to go to the bathroom and almost passed out. That made me nervous, but a few hours later they had me get up and walk and I was able to!

I miss my girls terribly!!! Honestly, I wasn't sure if I would miss them because I have had a hard time with them. But just a few hours without them and I missed them SO much. I can't even explain the exact feeling - it's like a part of you is missing. Then, I find out that Maya is not eating much! And she needs to eat! I had hubby bring them today to visit and I fed Maya. She ate for me. I think she is not eating because she misses me, and that tears me up! Hopefully I can go home tomorrow!

Maya had her weight check yesterday and she is doing great! Last week she hadn't gained enough, but this week she gained 8 oz! Perfect! So now she weighs 5 lbs. 4 oz.! We don't have to go back to the pediatrician until their 2 month check up, yay!

I also attempted once again to wear my babies in my Moby wrap, and I was successful!

I went to the breastfeeding support group today so I could weigh the girls before and after a feeding. Turns out, Maya is getting nothing and Sofia is hardly getting anything at all. The pump is emptying me better than they are! Since my LC also works there, she came by to talk to us, which was nice. I have decided I am going to pump and give the girls what I get, though it's not very much! Some is better than none. I'm not going to put them to my breast at all. Well, I might once in awhile, but I'm not going to do this at every feeding. There is no point since they are getting nothing.

I'm really bummed out about this. I know I am not a bad mommy, I know that they are healthy and gaining weight, and that is what is important, but breastfeeding was really important to me. I didn't even realize how important it was to me until this happened. My LC was great. We told her about the difficulties we had at first at the hospital - the nurses on duty at the time were not the best. I didn't think I would have a problem like that since this hospital is known for encouraging breastfeeding, and all the nurses are trained in breastfeeding, etc. We did not get much support from the first ones who were on duty, and I partially blame them. Not fully, but partially. The LC agreed too. She has seen this before and she is planning on bringing it up with the hospital, which makes me feel a little better. I also think my PCOS probably played a role in my low supply. I wish someone would have told me before I gave birth that PCOS can affect supply! You would think I would have come across this in my reading, but I never did. But, I can't change anything now, so I will just have to accept it.

Donna:
I'm not sure why they are not getting anything out of the breast. When I pump, I get a little - about 20 ml. Maya has difficulty sucking and latching. I thought Sofia was doing fine, and she is getting more than her sister, but it;s still next to nothing.

I cannot just not give them a bottle. They need to be gaining weight. Sofia has been gaining well, but Maya is not gaining as much as she should be, so I have to continue with the formula no matter what.

Hospital Packing List

I wanted to post my packing list with comments about what I used or didn't use, or wished I'd had at the hospital for a reference for anyone who has not given birth yet! So, here it is!

Labor/Hubby's Bag

Swim trunks - Didn't use! I had to have the monitors on me at all times, even when I did not have the epidural yet. I think because of the twins. It also did not cross my mind to use the shower. I used the birthing ball.

Heating pads (stick on kind) - Did not use, but would have been nice if I had remembered them!

Mouthwash - Hubby did not use. My labor wasn't too long. We went in at 2 am and gave birth by 3:30.

Change of clothes for Hubby - I don't think I actually packed any. We didn't need anyway.

Robe for me - I used once I got checked in after delivery. Did not use during labor.

Makeup remover cloths - Did not use

Lip balm - Did not use

Lotion - *I* did not use, but Hubby did!

Hair ties - Definitely used!!!!

Socks (to be sacrificed to mess) Used these!! I had some fuzzy ones, had to throw them out after since the amniotic fluid was all over the place!

Camera - used

Postpartum bag

Sleep bra - Did not use, went w/out a bra

Nursing pjs - I was glad to have my own PJS!

Unscented lotion (in labor bag) - again, I did not use

Lip balm (in labor bag) - Did not use

Toothbrush - used all toiletries! It was nice to shower and have my own stuff there.

Toothpaste

Shampoo

Conditioner

Comb for hair

Body wash

Scrubby

Going home outfit, shoes (flip flops) Your belly will be big. It will be larger than people who just had 1 baby! So bring a maternity top! I just wore a t-shirt that I had been wearing the whole pregnancy. I am STILL wearing maternity stuff because my belly is still pretty big. I still look pregnant.

Slipper socks - I got the ones from Target that are fuzzy and mary jane style. I love them!! They have pad things on the bottom so you don't slip.

Lansinoh - Hospital gave me some

iPod - I did not use it, but I am glad I brought it

cell phone - yep, used all the time. Don't forget the charger! I also had Hubby bring me my laptop when I was checked in to the hospital.

*Have in car: EZ2Nurse pillow - I didn't use in the hospital, just used pillows.

For Maya and Sofia

Sleepers

2 shirts

Preemie size sleepers

hats

I did not use the hats - they were all too big! I just used the hospital hate. Did not use the shirts either. I'm glad I brought both newborn and preemie size going home outfits. They fit into the preemie size.

While in the hospital, I did not have them wear any clothes I got them. They wore the shirt the hospital had for them and they stayed double swaddled the entire time since it was hard for them to regulate their body temp. I'm not sure if all twin moms do this, but I did.

As for other stuff I wished I had, I think I had everything I needed. Moms of singletons sometimes bring other stuff to do in the hospital, but honestly, you will NOT have time if you have twins! I had to feed every 3 hours and I was formula feeding, breastfeeding, and pumping. Between that and Lactation Consultants, nurses, doctors, etc. coming in, I had NO free time. I barely even had time to eat! The only time I turned on the tv was at night when I tried to sleep for background noise.

Don't have much time before the next feeding!

MIL is gone. Thank god. Basically, she was NOT much of a help at all. Hubby had even talked to her before she came about what would be helpful to me - cleaning, cooking, stuff like that. He told her I could take care of the girls while she did other stuff. And she agreed. Well, that did not happen. Sure, it was nice to only bottle feed one, but it would have been more helpful if she would have COOKED. I cooked, made my own meals. She didn't even have suggestions. But that wasn't the worst of it.

One night, I really needed sleep so she said she would take the 11:00 feeding so I could sleep. The girls would sleep in the nursery w/ her until the 2 am feeding when I would come get them. So I slept a little, but was mostly awake. I fought the urge to go check on them because I didn't want her to feel like I was checking up on her. I should have checked on them!! 2 am comes around and I go in to the nursery. Only Sofia was in the crib! My heart was pounding! I whip around and look at the bed, all I can see is the comforter up over MIL's head. So at this point I'm freaking out! I yank off teh covers on the bed and there is MIL and Maya!! She had the covers up over both Maya and MIL's head!!!! I was so scared that little Maya had suffocated! Thankfully, she was fine. I could not believe she would do that.

Hubby talked to her the next day and made the rule about no sleeping in bed with them. MIL did not own up to her mistake. She told hubby she would never do anything to hurt them. She apologized to me, NOT for covering Maya with comforter, but for upsetting me. She then went on to say that it was fine because she knew what was going on the whole time.
Um, no you didn't. When I threw the covers off she did not even wake up!!

So that plus lots of other drama equaled a very stressful time for me. I wish she had never even come to visit!

Pediatrician Visit

We've been to the pediatrician so much in the last 2 weeks! Mostly for weight checks. Today, Maya weighed 4 lbs. 12 oz. and Sofia weighed 6 lbs. 8 oz.! He said they were both doing well, but he does want to see Maya back next week for another weight check. Seems like she probably didn't gain quite as much as he would have liked. But he did say she is doing very well!

I really like my pediatrician too! He does not go directly to meds, and has ideas for different issues. For example, I asked about Maya spitting up all the time and if her formula needs to be changed, and he said in his experience, no, changing the formula won't do anything. I described what she has been doing, and he thinks it's pretty normal. He said just to be sure she is upright for about 20 min. after she eats, and burp her plenty. I also asked him about my thrush and he said drying my nips with a hair dryer three times a day would work! He mentioned the medicine, but said the hair dryer works well to kill the yeast. So, that is what I will do. Sounds much better to me than applying meds.


Edited to add:
Not sure what I typed before, but it is likely I got the names/weights confused! Sofia is the larger girl though! :)