Sunday, April 27, 2008

Had a horrible night last night. Having twins plus lack of sleep is really not good for a marriage! We got things worked out, but I'm so sick of fighting. I've also felt resentful toward hubby, which doesn't help and I need to get over it. It's just hard when he gets to go to work, and I'm stuck in the house. I do get out to run errands when he's home, which is nice, but the other day he called and basically wanted me home asap because the girls were freaking out. That frustrated me. There has been a couple more times where I thought he could have dealt with the girls more and let me sleep - but he didn't and so I haven't been getting sleep. So all of this on top of no sleep is really not good.

I think we need to communicate and listen to each other better. I knew having twins would be stressful on the marriage, but I definitely didn't realize how much!


My girls are growing! Maya is in newborn size diapers finally and Sofia has graduated to size 1! I keep wondering if/when Maya will catch up in size. She is so much smaller.

I also tested the Playtex nipples with the Dr. Brown's bottles, and they work! So now I can buy the BPA free bottles and just use the Playtex nipples. I am so relieved!

Some photos:
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8 comments:

Donna said...

Those babies are so, so very adorable. Thanks for posting pictures.

Having a new baby is a huge life change. Make that 2 and you have some real adjustments. Yours are probably more obvious---not working, body changes, nursing, less sleep.

But your husband has some too. All of the sudden he is single handedly financially responsible for 3 people plus himself. That can be a huge burden on a young guy and they usually won't even admit it. Add to that the worries of the pregnancy, not to mention all he also went through with the infertility and then your hospitalization and having to care for the babies a couple of weeks ago. That had to be very, very scary for him and I'll bet he even ran the scenerio in his head of being a single father and taking care of 2 infants by himself. I am guessing he is under far more emotional pressure than he is telling you.

The best advice I can give you is for each of you to make a pact, with a list of ways you can support each other and a list of things you will totally let go and not hold the other accountable for. You need to give each other all the breaks in the world. Also, I expected my husband to read my mind and that could have been the nail in the coffin to the marriage. Guys just don't see what you think they should see and if they do they don't feel about it what you think they should feel. Trust me, it is not going to change.

Can you hire someone for an hour a day in the middle of the day to watch the babies so you can go for a walk, get a shower, or do something just for yourself so that he is not expected to come home from work and take right over?

Good luck. You will find your way through this, but you don't want to do damage in the process. Going without sleep is horrible and makes everything seem so tough to deal with. You will be in my prayers. I promise you that in another 3-4 months it will start to get easier. Of course you have 2 year olds ahead, LOL!

THE JOURNEY TO A HAPPY HEALTHIER ME.... said...

Heather- the girls are gorgeous! Those pics are precious- they are so beautiful, I love the last one with them kind of 'hugging' hanging on each other- very cute. They are getting big- amazing how fast they grow.
I am glad that the playtex nipples work with the Dr. Brownes bottles- those bottles are great- but the nipples can be a little fast for some babies, I am very happy to hear that they are coming out with BPA free bottles very soon- that is wonderful!
I am sorry that you and hubby are having so much stress, I know you both talked about all of this before hand, but when it becomes reality it is different- hopefully it is still just the overwhelming reality of it all, the lack of sleep and all the overtime. Maybe once you are all in a more established routine things will calm down a bit for all of you. It is harder when all the little ones do is sleep, eat, cry, eat, cry, poop, cry, etc. and then there are two of them- and you both waited so long to get them both. Hubby and I talked about it and he thinks unfortunately he would be the same way, because he wouldn't be quite sure what to do now that it actually happened after waiting and wishing for so long. I am keeping you all in my thoughts- if you need to vent or yell or just talk- you know where to find me :) I mean it! Hang in there- You two are doing the best new parents of two very beautiful little girls can be doing right now- just remember to take it one day at a time and don't be afraid to ask for help- and don't be afraid to tell hubby that you love him and need talk- that you want and need to be a team. I know that there is a saying that you should never go to be angry, but sometimes that doesn't always work- the newest one that I have found that I like better and seems to work better is this one- 'Always Kiss Me Goodnight'- Take Care- Sending you lots of love and sending you lots of happy thoughts.

Fertilized said...

Heather - I am thinking of you and your hubby. I can't possiblity imagine what all these hormones post delivery and no sleep and twins and breathing , and feeding, changing caring for those beautiful girls could possibly do to a person. It's so much to get used to. Sending good thoughts in hopes it gets better

The Dunn Family said...

Your girls are just lovely!

It's so hard at the beginning. Communication is KEY! Staying home all day is SUCH HARD WORK, and I think sometimes the hubbies don't get that. Me and my husband really need to iron out some kinks at the beginning to get us on ALL on a schedule that worked for everyone in the house. It's tough, but I PROMISE you, it gets so much better, and easier!

Hang in there!

MichelleAnn said...

Glad to hear the Playtex nipples fit! The pictures of the girls are so adorable!

My husband was great with our first son, but not as much help as he could have been with the twins. I became resentful towards him and jealous over little things such as him getting more sleep than me. It's hard and it's still hard. We keep saying we are going to do date nights, but never do. We do take a trip each summer for 2 days, just the two of us. We've done that each year we've been married and although it's only two days a year it really does make a big difference. It's something to look forward to.
If my husband and I have a disagreement I always remind him how much we are both lacking sleep (him from being on call at night and me from dealing with the twins..yes they are almost 2 1/2 and still don't sleep through the night).

Anonymous said...

Love the pics.... I know how hard twins can be a on a marriage... but you will get through it, it gets better. Do you mind sharing where you got the pics done? I live in San Diego too and am trying to go to a good place for pics...

Alba

Malky B. said...

Your girls are beautiful! They've grown so much in such a short time!

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