Monday, July 28, 2008

Anon- I don't mind answering your questions. I kept my blog public so that others could learn about my situation, and to also be a support to anyone who has to go through the same thing. Is the topic difficult for me? Yes, it is. But I have been avoiding writing about it lately- even though it has been on my mind. I think answering your questions will also hopefully help me as well.

I just want to know if you are ever troubled by thoughts about what would have happened if you had chosen not to go through with the reduction?

Yes. I think about this almost daily. Even though I know the decision we made was the right one, and Maya may have been born with a disability or not survived at all, I still think about it. I have been thinking about it more lately. I try not to play the "What if" game, but I do sometimes.

I had a dream the other night- it was more of a nightmare- and I think I had this dream because I have been thinking about this lately. In the dream, there are big rocks, like asteroids almost, falling from the sky. Nobody can leave the city and it's dangerous to be outside. Then, I realize that I don't have my baby. It was only 1 baby and this baby was a boy. It was more disturbing than I am explaining, but you all know that about dreams. You start to explain them and can't. Anyway, I woke up very upset and had to make sure the girls were ok. It was not a good dream!

Did you tell your family/friends about the reduction?

Yes. We told our family and some of our friends. Most of our family was supportive, thankfully. Some were not too supportive but luckily they kept most of their thoughts to themselves. Even though we did tell some of our friends, and they were supportive, I still felt alone because my "best" friend didn't really help me too much. She could understand on a certain level, but later on, and still now, she continually talks about her daughters friends, who are triplets. She always seems to talk about them and I don't know why. I( don't think she thinks that it upsets me- I don't know.

Also, do you ever think of your girls as triplets?
I'm not sure? I mean, sometimes I do think, "what if?" so I guess in a way, but not really. If that makes sense?

Are you going to tell your girls when they are older that your pregnancy started out as a triplet pregnancy?

I might. I did save all the ultrasounds- of course they might fade. If they fade, I'm not going to bring it up. If they see the early ultrasounds and wonder I will tell them they started out as three and one didn't make it. I don't feel the need to tell them all the details about it though.

I hope I was able to answer your questions.And I really hope that you don't have to go through what I did.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for your answers, they were thoughtful and informative. I'm sorry if I caused you any pain by bringing it up.

Natalie said...

Oh, for ultrasounds - scan them into the computer and/or photocopy them. Actual ultrasounds aren't very good because they're heat sensitive and they will fade over time. But if you get a photo made from a scan then it should last for a lifetime or more!

I'm always very thankful that your family and friends understood and were supportive.