It's funny to me. It seems a lot of people are able to rely on their family for many things, and that's wonderful. Me, I've never been able to rely on my family, so that's nothing new. But hubby has been able to rely on his family for some things, until now it seems. I guess it's just funny to me that some of our friends have been more supportive and helpful to us since finding out we are having twins than any of our families! A friend of mine sent me a TON of stuff recently - tons of clothes, and I mean tons! A Bumbo, Bjorn, and other really useful stuff that will totally come in handy! Now another friend is going to give us another bag of clothes! But our families really haven't said much about anything. Hubby's dad at first said he would help us, and told us a few times specifically that he'd send money. He never did. Part of the problem is he's an alcoholic. My dad was an alcoholic too, so I know they talk big and don't follow through. But honestly, before now he has followed through. So I guess I thought if it was important he would do it. Guess not. And the rest of his family hasn't really said much about anything. And, really, I don't want it to sound like I'm being greedy or anything, but I just thought we'd have more family support. So I know that this is one area that WILL change as we raise our babies. They will have family support. My family was never close, and I want our new family to be close and have a good relationship, so I am going to work on that. I know no family is perfect, but I can make it better for my kids.

OH Good god. I thought the "lovely" anon posts were done - guess not. Since this person only read "money" in my post - let me clarify. I'm not just talking about money. I'm talking more about emotional support, and follow through. If you say you are going to do something, do it. We will be fine financially - yes, I'm stressing, but I stress, that is me. It's not just about money. It's about putting family first. It's about priorities. Basically, friends of ours have showed more concern emotionally about us than our families.

I'm seriously laughing at this comment because it talks about me not being ready. Um, ok. Have you read any of my blog?? Almost 2 years of TTC and I'm not ready. Sorry, don't think so! I'm also not immature. I've had to deal with FAR more than MOST people have to EVER deal with in their ENTIRE LIFETIME. My struggles go back to childhood. I have NEVER had it easy. But, I am stronger for it and I have turned out well. I have a good job, a great husband, a home, and expecting 2 babies! Yes, I know I will have many sleepless nights - you think I didn't think about that? Come ON! I had over 2 years of thinking about that. Your comments remind me of a typical "fertiles" comments.

Like I said before, even though I gave some monetary examples, it's not about money. It's about showing that you CARE. It's about doing what you can within your means and making family a priority. We have had not really had that from our families. And you know what? Yes, some material items do come into play. I don't expect much, I really don't, but I do expect family to come first. Our friends have treated us more like family than our family. That was the point.

Today I got Newsweek magazine - I get a subscription for work - and the cover story was about diet and fertility! The neat thing was there was finally a study done on it. However, it looked like the only thing it studied was if the women had ovulatory dysfunction. The article also talked about the impact of diet on insulin levels. And really, everything they talked about sounded like PCOS to me. I'm glad there was a study, but I wish more studies would be done especially for "unexplained" infertility. I didn't read the end of the article, but I hope it didn't make light of the topic. Sometimes just a change in diet will not help. I do think there are plenty of environmental factors that come into play.

I used to work at this school that was in the inner city. It was awful. And honestly, I was concerned for my health. Interestingly enough, at least 4 of us who worked there were dealing with infertility! That is a pretty high number. Also, there were a few people who also got cancer. It really makes me wonder about the environment there. Luckily, I got out after a couple years but most stayed.

I was happy to see that article, maybe more people will become educated about infertility. I think we are going to continue to see a rise in it because of our diet and the toxins in the environment, unfortunately.

Thanks for all the nice comments!

Today I went to my school district's central office - the main office of the program I work for is there - and 3 people only had nice things to say! Such a relief after pretty much only hearing how big I am. Plus, I had a really awful comment today, so the nice ones really made up for it. The awful comment was from a co-worker at my school, she was surprised at how big I had gotten in the last week (though I don't think I am THAT much bigger) she was shocked and then told me it was like in that movie where she is pregnant with a demon and gets big over night. Wow. Thanks a LOT. So I tried to just forget that one. Later, three people at the district office told me how cute I looked! So much better than a demon comment! Nothing at all about how large I am. It was so nice.

Then, I got home and my diaper bag had arrived!! I was so excited because I bought it online from Skip Hop with a 50% off code! Here is the bag:
I love it! Nice and big, lots of pockets and cute!

Belly Pics!

Since I am procrastinating doing my homework (which HAS to get done this weekend), I've decided to post the belly pics!

5 weeks:
14 weeks:

19 weeks in painted nursery:
And the newest, 21 weeks w/ our dog:

Oh yes, I forgot! The best thing would be living near you, yodasmistress! :) Well, at least that would make 2 cool people I know who I would live near. My SIL is the other.

I think I'm getting bigger by the second. Ok, maybe not second, but by the day! My back hurts more frequently now, and I cannot even imagine how it's going to be in a couple of months! Very worth it though!

The babies seem more active too - or at least I can feel them more! Sometimes I can tell their movements apart. Sofia I can feel kick me on my left side. But sometimes I'm not sure if I'm feeling Maya or not because she on my right side, feet down. So her feet are on Sofia's head. So that is harder to tell unless it's a movement that's up pretty high. There was one time today when one was kicking me and I felt it right behind and a little below my belly button. That just felt WEIRD. But I do love feeling them move around!

I have been able to feel them a couple time on the outside, but pretty lightly. I'm sure it's easier for me to tell that's what I'm feeling since I can also feel it inside. I had DH put his hand on my belly and finally they kicked a little, but he couldn't feel it! He pouted and said, "No fair!" Of course I was thinking, it IS fair. I'm the one who had to go through the HSG and all the injects and dildo cam! So it is fair I get all the cool stuff!

:) Yes, the plan is to move. BUT the housing market is awful right now so I am not sure we'd be able to sell our condo. No way we could rent it out because I really don't think anyone would pay what we pay for our mortgage plus property tax. But we really need to talk to a realtor. It would be nice to move and be close to family (well, that would also be a pain!). I would miss the weather here though! But I know I would much rather have a house. With a YARD.

Yeah, I know expenses are relative, and it does totally vary, but if we were to move to Indianapolis - and Indiana has some of the lowest housing costs - One of us could stay home, the other could make around $35,000 and we could still afford a house. So, in Indiana anyway, it is proportionately lower, and that it where we would move anyway. I know that not all areas are like that!

Hmm, just realized you cannot really tell what is on the letters. They are flowers! I think you can see a close up if you click on it. Oh well.

So I'm started to get REALLY stressed about money. It's probably good that I am stressed, I mean, it's better than not being concerned at all. But I just wish I didn't have to worry so much about it! What is worrying me most is day care. It is SO expensive! And get this, it will be cheaper for us to get a nanny than to send the babies to day care!!! I guess because for infant care there are restrictions and everything, but it is crazy! Most of the centers I've looked at would be $2400 and up per MONTH for both! No way we can pay that plus our mortgage. So I will be looking into a nanny. And hopefully we will be able to do that part time. I really wish I could just stay home, but there is no way we could do that. Unfortunately.

Sometimes I wish we lived in a more affordable state. We are wanting to move, but I don't think we will be able to right now because of the housing market. But it would be nice. Cost of living is outrageous here in San Diego. If we made the salary we make here, but lived in the midwest, we could have a huge house with a huge yard. But we are here and have a tiny 2 bedroom CONDO that was built in 1970. No yard. It's just craziness.

I know everything will work out, but it is stressful. Not to mention who knows how our families will be able to to help out. They are crazy, as are most families. I'm not sure we can really count on them at this point.

Just finished their name letters, and I just need to add the ribbon:

I had an appointment today! Now, I knew he was going to start checking my cervix, but I assumed it would be with the ultrasound, since that is how the peri did it. Nope! I was wrong! He checked manually. I wish I would have known - I would have attempted to shave my legs! But the good news is, my cervix is great! No change. The babies look good too. I've been feeling them move all day today, so that has been nice too.

I'm starting to get REALLY big. Luckily, it really is all stomach. They weighed me however, and I think she did it wrong. She said I weighed about 10 pounds more than last time (2 weeks ago!) and I know that wasn't right. When I got home I weighed myself and it said I was up 6 pounds - which is still a lot, but better than her calculations! My maternity clothes are not getting tight or anything though, it's just my belly!

I need to post some belly shots, and I will get around to it. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I sure am giving thanks this year!

Pregnancy Book Reviews

Since I've read a few pregnancy books, I've decided to review them!
Rating Scale: 1-5
1= do not waste your money or your time even reading
3= do not buy, check out from the library or borrow from a friend!
5= Excellent! buy! Read!

What to Expect When You're Expecting
Rating: 2
I bought this book in the very early days of my pregnancy. It scared the crap out of me! I had to stop reading it because some of the things to watch for in early pregnancy were very scary ad misleading. It has some good info, but really nothing you can't find on the internet. I wouldn't waste my money again!

The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy
Rating: 5
Excellent book! This book was very funny, and written in a conversational tone. It really put my mind at ease too! This was definitely worth buying and reading, and had some good info.

Belly Laughs
Rating: 5
This was a great, quick read. Very funny - I could totally relate to some of the situations! It has some great tips for hubby in the back too.

Baby Bargains
Rating: 5+
This book is a must have! It has the best information on lots of baby gear. They base the ratings off of parent reviews and price. They also give thorough descriptions of why they gave it the rating they did. It was very helpful to me and it is really a must have. There is a lot of crappy baby gear out there and this book will help you stay clear of it!

Twin Specific Books
Twinspiration
Rating: 1
I bought this book because it was recommended on a twin board I go to. I haven't read all of it, but so far I am very disappointed! First, the lay out of the information in the book is very confusing. One chapter has a bunch of different topics, and it goes from pregnancy info to birth info and back to pregnancy info. It could have been organized in a much better way. Second, some of the recommendations are very conservative. The author says to never ever have caffeine - when it is ok to have a little bit. There were a few things I just didn't agree with. Plus, the information so far isn't anything I didn't know already.

When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, and More
Rating 3
The book immediately turned me off because the author, who has a PhD, seemed to feel like she had to prove herself over and over. Honestly, I thought her credentials were pretty good - worked with twins, researched it, worked at University of Michigan - but every other sentence was about proving herself. That was a turn off. The other thing I did not like was that about half the book is dedicated to diet. The author feels very strongly that the mother's weight correlates to the babies' birth weights. This may be true, but a huge emphasis was placed on diet. There are tons of recipes as well in the book. My OB told me not to worry about gaining weight, because I will gain weight, and I have. I'm a little under what the author of the book recommends, but my babies are doing great! This book does have some good information on twin pregnancies, so it worth reading.

I can't believe I haven't posted about the comments people make! Well, I will now!
I know that people don't mean any harm by saying these comments, but really, they get old and very annoying. First, so many people are just shocked when I tell them how far along I am. Even the ones who know I have twins, I tell them how many weeks I am and their jaws literally fall open. I had one woman ask me how many weeks I was and then she said, "You're gonna be HUGE!" Gee. Thanks. Really, I know I'm going to get big, I have TWINS, but no need to remind me. Doesn't help that at my work there is a girl who is about 32 or 33 weeks pregnant and she is SMALLER than I am! I know people carry different, but wow.

Then, there are the comments people love to give me when they find out I'm having twins. Probably the most common one is, "Oh you aren't going to have any free time once they arrive!" Oh gee, really?? I never thought about that once during the almost 2 years of trying to get pregnant or doing injects/IUI and having a much greater chance for twins.

And my principal. I know he means well but EVERY time I see him he makes a comment about how I'm eating for 3 or any comment that has to do with me carrying twins. At first, it was fine. But a month later??

I just remind myself that these people don't mean any harm, but it is annoying. Plus I get annoyed really quick these days, so you'd think people would think about that.

I do need to mention that today I got a really NICE comment. I was at Starbucks and the guy behind the counter asked me when I was due. I told him and prepared myself for his jaw hitting the ground. Nope! He just smiled. Then he asked if I knew the gender and I told him 2 girls, and again prepared myself for the comments. He was very sincere and told me congratulations and that 2 girls would be so fun! And that really made my day. No annoying comment! It was great!

Girls!

So, it's confirmed! 2 baby girls! The ultrasound went well today - and of course I had nothing to worry about. Even though I can't always feel them, they are very active! Everything looked great and there were NO soft markers for Downs! The u/s tech even put it on the 4d view for a bit, and we also got video of that. I am just so happy that everything went well and everything looks great! They weigh 9 and 10 oz, which is great! Baby A (Sofia) has her head right by my cervix and Baby B (Maya) has her head pretty much on top of Sofia's chest, so they are snuggled in together. I'm just so happy things are going well now!

I haven't posted anything in awhile, so I thought I would!
I also need to post some pictures on here. I'll get around to that some day!

I have 2 appointments this week. Perinatologist on Thursday - we will confirm the genders, yay! OB on Friday. Then, I'm pretty much back to the OB every 2 weeks from now on.

A little over a week ago I *really* started feeling movement! But now, I'm not feeling much. Which if course has me worried. I'm trying to tell myself that it's too early for it to be consistent or that they are facing the wrong way or something. I've felt a couple little things, but nothing like it was last week, so I think that's why I'm worried. I'll feel better Thursday!

Hubby painted the nursery over the weekend! It is a spring green color, and is very cute. Of course, we still have our computer and stuff in here, and it will look even better when we have all the baby stuff. But just painting it has me all excited!

Fires

What a week. I live in San Diego, and most of you I'm sure have seen news coverage of the fires. It is really bad here. Luckily, we didn't have to evacuate - we are in a pretty safe area, though yesterday I got a little nervous. But the winds have died down, so I'm hoping that things will be able to get under control. Most of the county has had to evacuate their homes. It's very sad, and I know lots of people who have had to evacuate.

Air quality around my house had been ok. Not great, but ok. Today, it's worse. I woke up and my house smells like a campfire! I've been staying indoors, but now my throat is fairly irritated and I've been coughing a little. I know it can't be healthy!

In baby news... I've felt them a little, but nothing like Sunday! I would to feel them more again! Hubby is getting more excited. He has now been talking to them a little through my belly :) It's very cute.

Movement!!!

So for a few weeks occasionally I've been feeling something - wasn't sure if it was movement or not. Well, tonight, I definitely am feeling movement!!! The first time felt like a muscle twitch, but kept going, then stopped and started again. I felt that a little later. Then the last time I know I felt both of them move! The last one I felt was pretty strong, a totally strange sensation! Of course, I share this with hubby, but he is not nearly as excited as I am!

I made it through my first week back to work! It's been exhausting, but I made it! I get out of breath really easy, so I make sure to take it as easy as I can. It's difficult trying to go back to a semi normal life after being in bed for 3 weeks.

It's nice that I can appreciate this pregnancy in ways that normal, "fertile" cannot. I think most women do know how much of a miracle it is to have a baby (or babies!) growing inside of you, but after trying for so long, it is special. There are things that are uncomfortable, and I'm sure will get even more uncomfortable, but I don't really complain about them, I know it comes with the territory and it is just really cool to be growing lives inside of you!

And let me just say a little about Pregnancy Brain! I have it bad. I used to be very good at spelling and grammar. Now, sometimes I can't remember how to spell certain (easy) words! And I find myself making stupid usage errors, like using "to" for "too" and not catching it until later, if ever! I think that bugs me the most, but at least I have something to blame it on!

Isn't it sad I'm second guessing posting anything? When I started this blog I really thought nobody would read. Now it seems there are quite a few people who read! I just hope anyone who reads this will kindly take the negativity elsewhere. Not that I've had any lately, but it was bad enough in the recent past.

I can't believe I'm almost 16 weeks! I'm also starting to show. And I mean show so that strangers notice! However, I've noticed a few women look at my belly and I always think about how *I* felt when I saw a pregnant woman and I wasn't pregnant. Then I feel bad. I wish at times like those I could have a shirt or something that said I struggled with infertility.

I don't have any appointments until November 8th. 3 weeks from this Thursday! I've been so spoiled with all the ultrasounds. It's been nice because I like seeing them, knowing they are ok. So I think these next few weeks may be hard. I'm going to try my best not to freak out and worry. I'm also trying not to worry about my NT scan results.

This was my first week back to work. It's been good. Tiring, but good. However, I've been telling people that I'm having twins. Usually that is fine, but a teacher at my school had triplets a few years back. I knew this, but of course then he wanted to talk about it a little bit when he found out I was having twins. Then today, the counselor came up to me and let me know her mom was a triplet. Of course, that made me sad. I know the decision I made was the right one. But it still hurts. It's not like I'm over it. I know what I did was in the best interest of my babies' health, but I am still sad. I'm sure that is to be expected, but it is difficult.

I had my follow up ultrasound today with the peri! But before I get to that, I have been up and around for 2 days no and NO spotting!!! So I'm off bed rest!

We asked the ultrasound tech if she could tell the gender, and she said she'd look, but it's not 100%. So, Baby A is a girl! Later the peri also looked and said he would bet money that Baby A is a girl!

Baby B the u/s tech said also looked like a girl! Now, when the peri looked, she wasn't cooperating, so he couldn't tell at all. So there is still a chance it might not be a girl, but I have a feeling it is! I'm a little bummed we don't have one of each, but that's ok. At least now I get to us my two favorite girl names!

Everything else looked ok. I didn't write about this before because of all the drama over my blog, but I will share it now. When I went in to the peri when I had spotting I had the NT scan done. Now, I thought it had been done *before* the reduction, but apparently not. I'm not happy about that. So because it was done after the reduction, we couldn't do the blood test part. So the results aren't all that accurate. Baby B came back with a fine ratio - nothing to worry about. Baby A has a risk of 1/248. So we are concerned. I won't do an amnio - I've had enough needles sticking in there, and I'm NOT going to have another reduction if it came back positive, so there is no point. In 3 weeks we will have another detailed ultrasound to look for soft markers. Today, they found NO soft markers, so I think that's a good sign. Also, we were talking to the peri about it (it was a different peri who did the measurements) and he did tell us that 2 of the measurements were normal, but one was higher, so they input the higher one to err on the side of caution. So I'm hoping that everything will be fine.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my OB, and the nurse practitioner already told me that he does NOT believe in the NT scan, so that was nice to hear. I love my OB and have confidence in him.

Some people asked if I would share the gender, and of course I did :) There is NO way I could NOT find out the gender because I am such a planner. I like to know and plan for things!

I hope the rest of my pregnancy goes smoothly.

I'm still on bed rest, but I'm hoping that when I go to the peri on Thursday I will be off it! Today I had an appointment with the nurse practitioner. If I had a "normal" pregnancy this would be the first standard visit. The NP was great, and she did a quick ultrasound! The beans are doing great! Also heard their heartbeats and they sounded good too! So, I am relieved and happy now. Thursday I have the peri appointment and Friday I have an OB appointment.

I'm also definitely starting to show!