I've been wanting to post since blogging really helps my emotions - and of course the emotions after birth are just insane! But I haven't had any time at all.
I have some major frustrations. I had always planned on breastfeeding. Only. Formula was not even in my mind. Sure, I knew there could be a possibility, but I didn't think about it. I wanted to think positive and I thought if I didn't think about formula, then no way it could happen! Well, I have to supplement with formula. That alone depresses me a little, but I could deal with it. But what I have to do for each feeding is very overwhelming! First, I breastfeed. At first, I was breastfeeding one at a time, which took forever. Next, I have to formula feed. Again, at first I was doing that one at a time and to feed both it took like 2 hours! I did begin to tandem feed, which helps a lot, but it is still a struggle and can be difficult! My last part of feedings is pumping. I hate pumping. Actually, I think I hate having to do all 3 things. Why can't I just breastfeed???
My milk isn't all the way in. I get about 2 tablespoons per pumping session. I'm mad at myself for not pumping more in the hospital. I'm mad at the hospital for not fully explaining how much I needed to pump. I didn't even get to see a lactation consultant until the next day because I didn't get to my room until about 8 pm! I'm also mad that I had no idea just how sleepy my girls would be. I knew babies were sleepy the first night, and for most babies that is ok. But mine were also sleepy because they were little and have stayed sleepy until recently!
In one way I wished I would have only breastfed in the hospital, but Maya needed to put on weight. Sofia needed to get her jaundice resolved because she was borderline high. I keep wondering if I had done things differently maybe my sdupply would be in? But that is all over with and I can't change it.
Now I am taking a supplement - More Milk Plus, and I rented a hospital grade pump. I am SO sick of pumping though. The girls have now become more fussy so it's very difficult for me to pump after I feed them when they are fussy. I also feel bad because I feel like I don't spend enough time with each of them. I hold them for feedings every 3 hours, and I hold them for a little while after they feed, but then I put them down, pump, and sleep. Sometimes I don't sleep since the whole routine can take 2 hours!
Which leads me to my next frustration. Which, it's actually not too bad because my husband is really wonderful and I couldn't do this without him. But he has frustrated me a little. The pediatrician has told us that I do need to take care of myself and I need to sleep. He suggested for the night feedings we take shifts. So, we tried it last night. I did the 9:00 feeding, Hubby was to do the 1 am feeding, and I would do the 5 am feeding. After I fed the girls, I got to bed around 11:30pm. The girls were pretty fussy - this time of night is their fussy time. At about 1:30 I wake up because Maya was fussing. Hubby was with Sofia in the living room, feeding her. I got up to see what was going on since it was feeding time for both. Hubby was frustrated with Maya since she had been up all night. He had tried feeding her some at 12:45, she didn't want it, etc. Now, he didn't want to deal with her.
Well, welcome to my world!!!!
There have been plenty of nights where I let him sleep because I wanted him to at least be partially rested in order to do errands and things. And the girls are often fussy. Sometimes they don't sleep much between feedings! So, I fed Maya some more, rocked her, and put her to sleep. I think hubby did feel bad - it really didn't take much to get her to sleep - but I was just so frustrated!
The other thing that frustrates me is when he gets plenty of sleep - like 5 hours straight - and then the next day acts all sleepy. I'm sure he is sleepy, but I have had much less sleep and it is just frustrating to see that.
Now, don't get me wrong. He has been GREAT! I couldn't ask for a better husband. But nobody is perfect, and those are just 2 minor frustrations. I can't imagine what I would do if I was married to someone who didn't help at all.
I'm going to talk to the pediatrician more next week about reducing the formula intake, but I think he wants me to keep it up until my supply comes in. But then, is keeping them on formula going to make my supply not come in? I don't want them to start losing weight though.