Holidays

I made it through the holidays and I made it through flying! I took a pregnancy test, negative of course. This was probably THE ONLY time I sort of wanted a negative because I needed to take Xanax for flying! The Xanax helped a little, but I think I need something stronger to really knock me out. No family made any dumb comments! I was pleased.

4 more days until my RE appointment, and I am so excited! I just want to get everything moving and finally get pregnant!

Flying

I hate flying. I have panic attacks and get so anxious when I fly. So on Friday, I will be flying to Indianapolis to visit DH's family. I'm sure it's a control thing. I like being in control, and so this infertility thing is really difficult for me because of that. So I will take a HPT on Thursday morning, just to make sure I'm not pregnant (there is no way I could be, but I need to be 200% sure) so I can take xanax on the flight. I am also getting an audio-book to distract me. My therapist recommended it. I usually just listen to music but she said that music doesn't distract your brain like listening to a book. So, I will try the book thing! Of course, I've narrowed it down to 3 books, and can't decide. I might end up getting 2 though. The three are: Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris, The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore, and The End by Lemony Snicket narrated by Tim Curry! So you can see why I'm having a hard time deciding!

We are staying at SIL's house. She has a brand new 3 month old baby. And I am excited and happy for her, and can't wait to see the baby, but I just hope it doesn't make me too sad.

Paperwork

I will be seeing Dr. Morales who is with Fertility Specialists Medical Group. I just got my packet of information, and there are SO many forms to fill out! I think I have most of them complete. It's a good thing I was charting, because it asks you some specific questions. If I hadn't put it on my chart, I would have no clue! I also thought it was very nice that they put directions and a map from map quest with directions starting at my house, to the clinic!

Did I mention how happy I am that I'm going to the RE?? I can't wait to go! I have a renewed sense of optimism now!

Woohoo! FINALLY going to the RE!

So after a month of dealing with the OB office that couldn't get it together, I got my referral for the RE today! Then, I called and made my appointment with the RE! I will be going on Jan. 4th. I am so excited!!!

Christmas Party

I realized I forgot to update what happened at DH's Christmas Party! It wasn't too bad, I was dealing with the pregnant lady well. She isn't showing yet which I think helped. But one thing did bug me. You know how when you've been struggling TTC you change your lifestyle and do certain things in hopes that it will help you get pregnant? For example, I have given up aspartame. I wasn't planning on consuming it while pregnant anyway, but I gave it up *just in case* it was hindering my ovulation or implantation, or something. Well, at the party, the pregnant lady had a diet coke!! Not only is there caffeine, which I almost completely cut out (well, until this cycle I'm drinking it a lot since I don't think I'm going to ovulate), but aspartame!! That just annoyed me.

Hopefully, I will hear TODAY about my referral to the RE. I probably won't though. I have a feeling I won't hear anything and I will end up calling tomorrow and they will tell me something like, "We haven't heard anything." It would be nice to hear some good news for once!

I'm so sick of doctor's offices!

So about a month ago I talked to my doctor and he said he would get me a referral to the RE. I waited a week (like he told me) and called his office. They told me it would take 2 weeks. Well, that next week was Thanksgiving. So I waited until the following Monday and called. Guess what? My OB did not word it correctly so they did not know I needed a referral!! So then she said some committee meets twice a week and she would hear by that Friday. That was this past Friday. She did not call, so I called her. I found out that MY insurance has not gotten back to them about if I can go to the RE. They said I would hear on Monday or Tuesday. I am so mad. I know my insurance covers this. I don't understand why it is taking so long. It is just a normal referral that normally takes NO time at all! And because of mistakes, this has taken almost a month. It is just so frustrating and I really hate waiting!

:(

I've been doing really well lately. I haven't been getting depressed about not being pregnant or anything. It's been sort of nice being on a semi-break before getting to go to the RE. Well, that all changed tonight!

I think really what happened first was that at the store there was an overabundance of young moms with babies. They were EVERYWHERE. But, I didn't let it get me down. I got my groceries and left. I was fine.

Then, hubby calls me. Tells me his friend at work told him not to tell me, but he is telling me anyway. So he proceeds to tell me that his friend's wife is PREGNANT. They already have 2 kids. They weren't even trying, they didn't even want another kid.
I broke down. I hung up on hubby because I couldn't talk to him right then. I was crying too much.
I felt better after crying it out and called hubby.

I think it's hard for men because they really don't understand what we are going through. Yes, they can be there for us and empathize with us, but they don't know.

Amazing how one little thing can set you off. And I was doing so well! The other part is that I have to see the wife on Friday at the company party. That will be difficult. I explained to hubby why it would have been better if he had waited until after the party. He gets it now, after the fact.

It's really hard to stay positive.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was nice. I cooked for DH and I, and I made just about everything from scratch this year! It was really pretty easy. I do find it a little hard to find things to be thankful for. Because really, the biggest thing on my mind is getting pregnant. But, I'm trying to stay positive and right now I'm trying not to worry about it at all. I told myself I wouldn't stress until we go to the RE. Hopefully Monday I will find out when my appointment with the RE is!

Really, the whole waiting thing is getting old

My OB said that the referral would take a week. So, like a good girl, I waited a week and then called his office when I didn't hear back. Well, they told me that it takes TWO weeks! And gee, what is at the end of next week? Thanksgiving. A holiday. So now I will have to wait until the week after. So annoying.

I'm not in the greatest of moods. I'm happy I have a whole week off for Thanksgiving, but yesterday was my last day at my current job. It was so sad. I feel so guilty for leaving my students. My new position will be great, but I still feel so bad!

Of course

I was looking at my health coverage, and of course it does not cover injectables. Just great. Well, at least I get to go to the RE! I'm going to try not to freak out about the cost until after I go and discuss that. So I'm not sure how many cycles on injects we will be able to do. I might just have to suck it up on the clomid.

It's just really annoying that these things are typically not covered by insurance! Viagra is covered, but not fertility treatments! I really think it should be required that every plan in every state have full coverage for fertility.

New Plan

I didn't write about this last cycle. I'm not sure why. My emotional side effects were really bad on the clomid last cycle. Before, I had been depressed and emotional, pretty standard for clomid. However, I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for years now. I have a feeling my mood swings on clomid are probably more intense than most people's. Last cycle, I was doing fine. Then I had a very stressful week at work, which probably contributed. At the end of the week, I pretty much broke down. It was nothing like before. I had been upset on clomid before, but this was way worse. I had to call my husband to come home because I thought I might hurt myself. It was that bad.

Of course, I did not tell my OB because I saw no point. After that day I thought I could handle it again. I had to. I'm not going to ovulate any other way. I did tell my psychologist though. She asked if she could call my OB and talk to him about getting on an antidepressant while on the clomid. I went off of antidepressants a year ago because I did not want to TTC while on them. I know that some studies show that some antidepressants are "safe" but I don't trust that. I mean, look at me, I can't ovulate on my own after coming off BCP's even though all the studies say BCPs won't affect fertility! Anyway, I thought it might be a good idea to go on antidepressants just for a month or two while I get through the clomid. So I let her talk to my OB.

Finally, after playing phone tag with my OB, I finally got him on the phone. I explained to him how it was and his suggestion was to move on to injectables. He said he would not prescribe antidepressants to anyone TTC because there is research that shows it could be harmful. My OB does not do injectables, so he is referring me to the RE!! I am VERY excited about that! I'm also glad I won't have to do clomid again, though I'm scared about injectables. I hate needles. Hopefully it won't be too bad, though I don't know if I will be able to inject myself. I'm just happy I finally get to see the RE.

Yawn!

Nothing much going on here. I started the provera yesterday and I'm not temping. I'm not sure that I will temp this cycle. OPK and the ovwatch should be more than enough!

I was trying to save this blog only for TTC issues, but since my TTC life is so BORING right now, I'll discuss other issues. I got a new position! I'm really excited! I will be a Literacy Coach at a different middle school. I will also be teaching 2 support classes. It would be nicer if I could coach all day, but hey, you gotta start somewhere, right? For the coaching part, I'm pretty sure I will be helping content area teachers use strategies to help their students read and write better. I think I will also be planning some professional development for the staff. This is what I've wanted to do for awhile, so I am excited! Not sure when I start, they have to find a replacement for me at my current school first.

I am really sad about leaving my current students. It sucks to leave in the middle of the year! Right when we were getting comfortable with each other, and when they are finally getting into a rhythm. But, this was an opportunity I could not pass up! I am especially worried about one student in particular. He is awful in most teacher's classes. Rude and disruptive, but in my class he's OK. Not a "perfect" student, but he has never once been rude to me. And he is not that disruptive. So I'm really worried how he will act when I'm gone. I just don't want him in the office all the time. He needs to be in class. They better hire someone good to fill my spot!

Round 4

I think I'm counting right. Round 4? Finally talked to my doctor. He increased my clomid dose since I did not ovulate last cycle. e are also doing IUI this cycle. I really hope this one works!

My husband and I went to a wedding a week ago. It was awful because we were sat at a table with 2 couples who had recently had babies (one had twins!) and the other couple was newly pregnant. Twice they talked about babies, and twice I excused myself to go to the bathroom. Hubby was really sweet though. I came back the second time, and he told me he finally figured out why I was going to the bathroom, and said he tried to change the subject. I thought that was very sweet! I honestly did not expect him to be so perceptive!

I also just got my Ovwatch, thanks to Lexie! I think it's cool that it will detect 4 fertile days. Much larger window than the OPKs. I'm also going to do the OPKs and compare the two.

When can my new cycle start, please?

I'm afraid the desk at my doctor's office did not give my doctor my message. I called Thursday afternoon, and have not heard back. I suppose it is possible he didn't work today, but they usually tell me. I just want to start a new cycle!

Of course, when I went to get my hair done today everyone was talking about babies or being pregnant. The receptionist is pregnant, the client before me just gave to twins, and there was other talk of babies and pregnancy. It was no fun. But my hair looks good!

IUI

I've pretty much decided we will do IUI. I'm a bit concerned about my not ovulating this month. I am going to request an ultrasound or something to see if I have cysts. I am testing tomorrow so I can get a BFN and call my doc and start a new cycle. I really wish I would have ovulated this month though!

So now what do I do?

I need to decided if I want to do IUI next cycle. This cycle looks like a bust, and if it is then the OB will increase my dose of clomid. I am not liking the mood swings on it, but I'm not going to ovulate without it. I could take a break, but I think I would drive myself crazy if I did that. I am so not patient. Part of me wants to do the clomid next cycle, but not the IUI. But then again, if I do the IUI that increases my chances and I just had an HSG so that also increases my chances. I will have to think about this some more!

Doctor Appointment

I had my follow-up appointment today. HSG was normal, like the radiologist said. My OB was surprised the HSG hurt so much. But, I'm really sensitive plus I think they jammed it up there too far at first. Just my luck. Anyway, I also asked him if the HSG could delay ovulation. He said it shouldn't and then he looked at my charts. But I don't think he likes the temping too much, though he is nice and always looks at my charts. He said the HSG could mess with my temps. He also said that if I don't start af in about a week, to take a pregnancy test. If that is negative I have to call him and he will up my dosage of clomid. Oh yay. I just love clomid. If I am not pregnant this cycle, we are moving on to IUI! I need to decide if I want to take a month off or go right to it. Still not sure. The mood swing this month from the clomid was really bad, but I hate sitting out a cycle. We will do 3 IUI's and if I am still not knocked up, he will refer me to a specialist.

I hope my work doesn't ask me WHY I've had SO many doctor's appointments! This is the second time I've had to get someone to cover my classes while I go. I don't really want to explain why, and I won't have to, but I don't even want anyone asking. But so far nobody has.

Post HSG temps

My chart is crazy. My temps are all over the place. It has to be because of the HSG. It is so frustrating because I was so regular on the clomid for the cycles before the HSG. It doesn't help that my husband works an opposite schedule as me. Then, I have to stay up until way past my bedtime. Then the next day, I'm tired. It's not bad when there is a week of that, but now I have no clue when I'm going to ovulate.

Wednesday I have a follow-up appointment with my OB. I will ask him if this is normal for after an HSG. I'm also going to ask him about IUI, trigger shots, and being monitored.

The other day I went back and looked at some old posts. I was surprised to see comments! I didn't think anyone was reading this :) Thank you all for your support!
Someone asked me how long I've been TTC. It has been 1 year this month. I've only had 3 ovulatory cycles though (which have been the past 3 months). Very frustrating.

Did I ovulate?

It looks like I may have ovulated, but I'm not sure. More waiting. Wait to see what my temps do. I have a follow up appointment tomorrow with my OB. I'm sure we will discuss IUI. So that will be good. There will be a plan!

HSG

I know I haven't updated in awhile. I told you I am bad at this! Anyway, yesterday I had my HSG (hysterosalpingogram). Boy that was fun. NOT. Basically what they do is insert a catheter into your cervix, blow up a little balloon and then shoot xray fluid in there to see if your tubes are blocked. Man, is it painful!

The worst was when they blew up the balloon. That really hurt and then they expected me to slide backward! I could barely move because it hurt so bad. I moved back and after a bit the pain subsided a little. However, at that point I just wanted it to be OVER and I thought it was taking them too long to get the dye ready to shoot up me. Finally, they did the dye. That hurt too. During the HSG, I got all sweaty, dizzy, and nauseous and thought I was going to pass out! I didn't, I got to see my tubes and that was pretty interesting, if only I wasn't in so much pain! The good news is my tubes are open and everything looks good!

They took everything out, but then I started feeling sweaty, dizzy, and nauseous again! I had to lay there for a long time. I felt bad because I was taking up their room, but they really didn't want me passing out. So, I stayed. I was probably in there for 15 min. or so, even though it felt like an hour! Finally I was good to get up. I'm glad I had my husband with me!

The other good part about having this done is that it cleans everything out and your chances for getting pregnant increase. I hope it works!

This sucks

I really thought I was pregnant this month. So did everyone else. My chart looked SO good! I had many temps above 98, I was even feeling nauseous. Now, I don't know WHY I was feeling nauseous since I am not pregnant. I took a test this morning (a First Response, Early Response) and it was clearly negative. I'm at 15 dpo and my temperature has started to drop. I guess I shouldn't be too upset because this is only my second cycle that I've actually hd a chance of conceiving, but I started TTC a year ago. I've cried a bunch this morning. It was really difficult because I was convinced that this was the month. Now, I will have to get the HSG which is fine, since I need to see if my tubes are blocked, but I am scared that it will hurt. Some people say it hurts, others say it doesn't. I just don't like getting procedures done. Hubby said he'd go with me though, so that was nice. I will probably just take a whole day off work. That is easier for me becuase I am a teacher.

So, I will have the HSG and one more round of Clomid. Then it will be on to IUI. I think my doctor will probably have me sit out a cycle because I'm sure my uterine lining will be thin after the next round of clomid, but we will see what he says. At least with IUI I know the spermies are getting up there!

But it's hard. I'm super depressed right now, but I have a ton of work and homework to do. Have I mentioned that on top of teaching I'm also back in school to get another credential?

I did get a Venti Iced Chai latte to cheer myself up with. Didn't help too much though.

Negative

I tested yesterday, negative. I tested today, negative. The kicker? My temperature is sky high!!! It keeps going up! I suppose it could still be too early, I am only 13 dpo. So I will test again on Saturday.

Tomorrow

I am testing tomorrow! My temp went up again today. I'm trying to convince myself it is going to be NEGATIVE so that I'm not dissappointed when I see the negative tomorrow! It would be great if this were it, but no way of really knowing until I test.

Temp Up

My temp is back up! Above 98! I'm still trying not to get too excited though. I have decided I will test on Wednesday.

Hmmmmm...

I'm really trying hard not to get up my hopes this cycle! But my temps are way up. Yesterday, at work (thankfully during lunch), I had this horrible pain in my abdomen. It started under my navel, to the left and felt like a cramp you get when you run. But it was not in that same place. It got a bit worse and spread out, and was pretty painful! It lasted for about 10-15 min. and then was gone and I haven't had anything like it since. Some say it could be implantation, but again, I DO NOT want to get my hopes up! I will probably test on Wednesday, maybe Tuesday. It would be nice if this were it as DH's birthday is on Thursday!

Positive OPK!

I have never been so excited before! I got a positive OPK (ovulation predictor kit)!! I have never ever gotten one before, since I wasn't ovulating and last cycle I did not use them. It was great to finally see a positive one! This has got to be my month!

Back to Work

I started back to work yesterday. The summer went by way too fast! I think that tends to happen when you go by cycles. You are always looking forward to the next cycle, because maybe, just maybe, you will get knocked up!

So I won't have as much time to update this blog. But I'm hoping that I do keep up with it. I've tried blogging in the past and I just didn't stay committed to it.

I had EWCM this morning! I did not have any that I saw last cycle, so I hope this is a good sign! This has got to my cycle!

Blood tests normal

My doctor called and let me know my blood tests were normal! Of course, he left a message so I was not able to ask him what the numbers were specifically. I might not ask him becuase I can see myself totally stressing out about the numbers. I will call tomorrow for the results of hubby's SA. I hope it was ok!

So far, I have not had any side effets from the clomid this cycle. I hope that doesn't mean it won't work this time! It would be great if it worked and I didn't have any side effects.

Woohoo!

I had my appointment today with my new OB. I like him SO much better! He actually looked at my charts, though he said I didn't have to do the temperature thing. Of course, I still will take my temperature otherwise the not knowing would kill me! Then he ordered blood tests to check all my levels. He also ordered a sperm analysis for my hubby, and I am glad since my hubby works around hazardous materials, that makes me nervous. The doc said to continue on this cycle, and do one more of 100 mg clomid and if I'm still not pregnant, we will discuss IUI! I am just so happy I have finally found a more proactive doctor! Took long enough!

Hubby upset me a bit with his reaction to the SA (sperm analysis). At first he was fine, then I told him exactly when he needed it done. Well, he wasn't happy because he has other stuff going on during this time. Well, too bad! What is up with guys? We women go through so much and guys will have a fit when they are the tiniest bit inconvenienced! I will say he wasn't too bad, but still, it upset me. I thought he should just be like, "Sure honey! Whenever!" But no. And he doesn't get that even asking me if we can do it later hurts. I've been waiting for a YEAR to have kids! I finally get the test and you want to wait?? I don't think so! It's just annoying.

On to Round 3

3 is a lucky number. Perhaps this will be my month! I decided to go ahead with the 100 mg. of clomid again and not wait to see the doc. I'm going to my new OB on Tuesday and hopegully he will give me a referral to the fertility specialist! I started the clomid yeserday and am dreading the last 2 days of the clomid and right after. That is when all the side effects seem to hit me.

I'm also starting back to work really soon, so hopefully that will take my mind off everything! I'll be setting up my classroom this week, even though teachers don't officially go back until August 30th. I want to get it done with so that I will have time to plan some lessons.

I'm out

I had more spotting yesterday, but it kept stopping and starting so I wasn't sure if my period was coming or not. Last night I had major cramps and figured the witch was on her way, and sure enough! This morning she arrived in full force.

I'm not as upset as I thought I'd be. I am SO happy I ovulated! I was really scared I would have to take a much higher dose of clomid. But 100 mg worked! Hopefully it works again this month. I will start taking it again on Friday. This is the last of the refills I have. I will be seeing my new OB on Monday and I plan on demanding a referral to an RE and I want a SA (sperm analysis) for my hubby. Hopefully, it all goes according to plan!

12 dpo

I tested this morning and got a negative. It's still early though. I am going to test again on Thursday. I think that will be a better test. I had some weird "spotting" today. I first thought it was spotting, but when I looked closer it looked more like pinkish cervical mucus. But I thought I would continue to spot. The spotting stopped! Nothing more since that tiny bit this morning! I think that is strange. I'm hoping it's a good sign, but it probably means nothing.

11 DPO

I had a scare. My temp went down a couple days ago and I thought perhaps I hadn't ovulated. But then, it went back up. So I do think I have ovulated. I am thinking of taking a pregnancy test tomorrow since it is possible to get a positive at 12 dpo. It is a little early, but plenty of people have gotten an accurate reading at that time. I'm nervous. I think it will be negative. Then, I think maybe I should wait longer. But the plan is to test tomorrow.
Here is my chart:


I know it is small, but when I make it bigger it takes up the whole page.

Tick tock, tick tock

Waiting to test is a difficult thing. Especially when you are not working! I am trying not to look for any "signs" to obsess over, and refuse to admit to having any. I may possibly be getting sick though. I did not feel well today. I suspect the headache I had was from the clomid; I have heard of that being a side effect after you ovulate. I think I will probably take the test on Monday or Tuesday. Maybe Wednesday. I'm a bit scared to take it. It's no fun getting a negative!

I'll Admit It

I said that if my temperature stayed up today, I would admit that I did ovulate. My temp stayed up! I ovulated! Of course, I still feel a little weird saying it, and would feel more comfortable putting "probably" in front of "ovulated". I am still wary because I have not ovulated since coming off the pill last September. Almost a year ago!

So now I wait (again) and will test next week sometime. I'm trying to figure out what day to test. I don't want to test too early, but I'm impatient! Maybe I will test at 12 dpo (days past ovulation), which would be next Monday.

Still Here!

My temps have stayed up! On Fertility Friend, I have a "Buddy Group," which is a group of girls who have come together to chat and support each other while trying to conceive. I keep telling them, well maybe I didn't ovulate - I don't want to get my hopes up! So today they are telling me to admit that I did ovulate. I'm still nervous though. I think tomorrow, if my temps stay up maybe I will accept it. I just really hate getting my hopes up and then I get a bunch of low temps and no period and know there is no way I ovulated. This has happened to me SO many times. So I'm still cautiously optimistic!

I just realized that I timed my doctors appointment just right! The appointment with my new OB is in 2 weeks. By then I will know:
1. if I ovulated
2. if I got pregnant

So that helps. If I went now, he would have less reason to give me the referral to the RE. If I actually didn't ovulate, or if I'm not pregnant, I can say, hey, I've been trying for 1 year, I'm not getting any younger! So I want to see a specialist.

Coverlines

My temp. stayed up today so I did get coverlines! I'm still cautiously happy. I still think that my temps could go down and my coverline get taken away. It's happened before! So, more waiting! Oh joy, I just love waiting!

About 2 weeks until I see my new OB and demand a referral to the fertility clinic! I think I will just concentrate on that and the waiting won't get to me as much. I hope.

Maybe I O'd!

There is a chance, I may have ovulated! I have two high tempertures, so if the temps stay up then that means I ovulated! I really hope I did.

I'm running out of things to do on my long summer vacation! I keep reminding myself that next month I will be wishing again for the relaxation of summer! I'm not sure why it can't be a balance. When I'm in school I am super busy and stressed. Out of school, there is nothing to do after awhile. I would love a job (education related of course) that isn't too stressful during the year, that I totally love, and then have something to do in the summer as well. But that is why I am back in school to get my Reading Specialist Credential.Then I can hopefully find a job at a school where I work with teachers and coach them and also work with small groups of students. Oh, that would be wonderful!

Anxiously awaiting

My temperature dropped today, so hopefully that is a good sign that I possibly ovulated. I also had more pains today, but now they are gone! I will just have to wait and see what my temperature does tomorrow! I don't want to get my hopes up, I really don't, but please let me have ovulated!

Ho hum

I'm learning more about blogging! I didn't realize you had to set the comments to allow anyone to post comments! Thanks, Joie, for letting me know! Now anyone can post comments.

I'm still waiting to ovulate. I had some cramps today for about an hour and pain on my right ovary side. I did not have cramps last time, so I'm hoping that is a good sign. This is all one big waiting game. And I am NOT good at waiting. You wait to ovulate, then if you ovulate, you wait until you can test or for your period. After that, you wait again to ovulate! And for women like me, who aren't ovulating, it is one big waiting game. Even after you think you might have ovulated, you don't know. SO many times I thought I ovulated, when I didn't. You get your hopes up, and then your temps are low and no more cover lines on your chart. Talk about a let down! I've been waiting 10 long months just to ovulate. I'm going to be really angry at my body if it doesn't ovulate this time. The mood swings, especially this month, were awful. Since I had to put up with it, I had better ovulate!

Will I Ovulate?

Last night, I started feling "full" in my lower abdomen area. After I went to bed I then was having some pain in my ovary area. I'm HOPING that this means I will ovulate soon! I'm tempted to do an opk though I swore I wouldn't do them this cycle. Maybe if I have any left over I will. I don't want to get my hopes up and then not O. So I'm trying not to think about it too much.

I did have a nice distraction the other day! I went to see Wicked! I read the book years ago and it is one of my favorites. I'm so glad I got to go see it! It was fabulous!

CD 12

Today is Cycle Day 12. I'm wondering if I will ovulate this cycle. I really hope I do, but I can't help but be a little wary. 10 months I've been off the pill and no ovulation. It really angers me that doctors never tell you this can happen. They all say that most women take 3 months to regulate after the pill. But there is no way that this is true for MOST women. I have talked to way too many women who do have issues after coming off the pill. My current OB subscribes to the belief that the pill can mask other problems. I don't doubt that it does do that, but I don't think that is always the case. I think that is just an easy answer for them.

I'm feeling a little better today than I have been. I really like summer vacation, but when you are depressed and have nothing to do, it is NOT a good combination! I kept busy yesterday. I made letters spelling out my sister-in-law's daughter-to-be's name!


I'm really not a crafty person, even though this makes it look like I am! It was very simple, which is good because I don't have the patience for anything complicated! The colors are a bit off since I had to use a flash, but you get the idea.

Clomid HELL

A few days ago, I finished up my last dose of 100 mg. of Clomid. While I was taking it I had no problems. I thought maybe I wouldn't have any side effects! Boy, was I wrong! Friday I bought a new car, and after instead of feeling happy, I was super depressed. I thought it was just because I spent a lot of money. Well, Saturday I was not feeling much better and I was very grouchy. Sunday was even worse. I was super depressed, crying, and when I wasn't crying, I was very irritable. I feel really sorry for my husband for having to put up with this! I really hope I will not have to take Clomid again because this is just awful. I suppose it doesn't help that I am off work right now so I don't have anything to occupy my time with, I can just dwell on how depressed I'm feeling. I keep telling myself that it will all be worth it in the end. But then, what if I don't ovulate on 100 mg? Will I be able to handle 150 mg.? 100 mg. is bad enough! Maybe, maybe, this one will work.

Clomid

And so I began Clomid. I was very nervous as I took my first Clomid pill. I read message boards, and heard lots of horror stories about Clomid: One girl was rushed to the ER with horrible abdominal pain and had to have surgery to deflate her enlarged ovaries. And, of course, she just had to post pictures with this! Then there were stories of horrible side effects: weight gain, terrible moodiness, severe ovary pain, the list goes on and on. And I am a papranoid person with a touch of hypochondria. I always think the worst is going to happen. So taking that first pill was scary. But I did it. And I took the rest of the pills.

Amazingly enough, my side effects were not bad. Day 4 of the Clomid I had some sharp pains in my ovaries, and while it did hurt, I was more paranoid that it was going to get worse or not stop at all. Later in the month, I had more pain in the ovary area that hurt. I was at work, wlaking, and I must have had a pained look on my face because a co-worker stopped me.
"Are you ok, Heather?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I smiled weakly.
Luckily the pains subsided and I went about my normal teaching day.

Because of the pains, I was convinced the Clomid was working! I would be pregnant in no time! Every day I religiously took my temperature, felt my cervix, and checked my cervical fluid. A year ago, I would have laughed if you told me I would be checking me cervix!

Finally, it looked as though I ovulated! I was ecstatic since there had been nothing since I began. I tried not to get TOO happy though. I knew if my temperatures didn't stay up, that would mean no ovulation. As it was, the charting software only gave me dotted lines which meant I might not have ovulated. A few days later, my temps dropped. I did not ovulate. I was devastated. My doctor had said before he wanted to put me on metformin because he thought I had PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). However, he said this based on one thing: no ovulation. He never bothered to look at my medical history, do any bloodwork, or even an ultrasound. I didn't want to start metformin because it lowers your blood sugar. I already have problems with low blood sugar if I do not east every 2-3 hours. I had a feeling the metformin would make that worse.

So, I called my doctor and asked for the 100 mg. of clomid. He said ok! But as I thought about it and read more about clomid, I began to worry. What if I had cysts? You are not supposed to take clomid if you have cysts! It can make the cysts grow and that can be painful as well as dangerous. I tried not to think about it, but as the days continued, I kept worrying. So, I called my doctor and left him a message asking if I needed a pelvic exam to check for cysts. But I have a feeling I know what his answer will be: NO. Already with the fist dose of clomid, I had called him after I thought I might have ovulated and asked if I could a progesterone blood test. If your progesterone is over a certain number, it means you did ovulate. His response was that the numbers wouldn't tell us anything and it was expensive. Hello? This is MY body and MY money! I probably should have insisted that I wanted it done, but being the wimp that I am, I did not.

After that incident, I also made an appointment with the other OB in the office. Of course, it takes 2 months to get an appointment. But when I do go to that appointment, it will be almost 1 year that I've been Trying To Conceive. So, I will ask the new doctor if he will give me a referral to the fertility clinic. I would feel a LOT better if I was monitored while on clomid.

My Story

I decided to start this blog to document my journey with trying to conceive. Also because I'm a teacher and have the summer off and need something to occupy my time with so I don't obsess too much over TTC. I've started blogs in the past, but never stayed up with them. I'm not sure why as I love to write. I will try my best to keep this one updated!

My journey starts in September 2005. My new husband and I decided to go off of birth control pills to try to get pregnant! I thought it would be so easy. My mother became pregnant with my sister while she was on the pill! All the health classes in school made me think I would just have to have sex once and, bam! I would be knocked up! It's not that easy.

I asked my doctor (actually the nurse practitioner) during the summer of 2005 if I should go ahead and get off the pill. I had a feeling that being on the pill could mess your fertility. But she assured me I should go off about 3 months before I wanted to conceive. So I waited. September came along and I decided I would stop the pill. I had withdrawal bleeding, then two months later, I got my first period. I had found out about charting my temperatures, but had not started charting since it tells you not to start until you get your period. So I'm not sure if I actually ovulated right when I got off the pill.

After my first real period, I started charting. I found out I was not ovulating. Oh, it played games with me though! My temps would jump and the charting software would give me a coverline, only to be taken away a few days later! One especially rough time, it gave me a coverline for 18 days! I thought for sure I was pregnant. My nurse practitioner even said it looked like a pregnant chart! But the blood tests confirmed: I was not pregnant. The nurse practitioner gave me prometrium to bring on a period. She also told me she wouldn't refer me to an OB until it had been 1 year. I couldn't handle that. I should be ovulating! I couldn't believe she wasn't willing to help me start ovulating! So, I changed doctors.

I went to my primary care doctor and he immediately referred me to an OB! I was overjoyed! Two months later, I went to the appointment with my husband. The OB started me on provera to bring on my period, and then 50 mg. of clomid! I was so excited! At least, perhaps I'd have a real chance of getting pregnant! But I found out that it's not that easy.